Really need some help and advice please!
Hi, I'm new and in need of help please.
I have been with my husband in a mono relationship for 23 years.
He has had a fantasy of us having a 3-some with another woman and also another man at seperate times.
I didn't persue this as I have self esteem issues and didn't feel able to.
However, I eventually broached the subject with a close female friend, who I feel comfortable with and she agreed to think about it.
At the weekend, my husband and I were making love and ended up instigating text sex with my female friend.
He found this very arousing and so did she. Boyed with our success, He encouraged me to broach the subject with a guy I'd been chatting to online.
The guy was intrigued, but unsure if he could do it, so suggested we have phone sex first.
I've never done this before, so was nervous, but my husband agreed, as long as he was present.
We arranged to do it that night and I spent the day in a constant anxious/nervous, but excited state.
When the time came, the guy took the initiative and began talking to me. My husband became aroused watching my reaction, but it began to go wrong, because I followed the guys direction explicitly, rather than using my imagination and ended up straddling my husband and climaxing. I think it was a combination of nerves, anxiety and alcohol, which affected me and made me respond almost desperately.
My husband was enjoying it, but was upset that I had become aroused so quickly, as I don't with just him.
The other guy ended the call without climaxing and I felt terrible, as he was doing this for us.
My husband agreed that I could call him back and hopefully help him to climax, but I needed to do it alone, so that I didn't feel as awkward.
After reluctantly agreeing, I went downstairs and ended up chatting with this guy for over an hour before we got down to the phone sex.
It was much better the second time, as the guy had rushed the first time due to nerves.
Unfortunately, my husband didn't like feeling left out and has now informed me that it was only his intention for me to find someone to have a casual encounter with and that would be the end of it.
But I have discovered that I loved having the phone sex and want to make it a regular thing.
This has caused all sorts of problems as my husband doesn't like phone sex, or dirty talk during sex. He just isn't comfortable doing it. He feels jealous that I am getting pleasure from another man that he, himself, cannot give me.
I have discovered that I cannot have any form of sex outside my marriage, without making a connection with the other person first, which I have with this guy. He makes me feel relaxed and safe and comfortable.
My husband now feels he has opened pandoras box and doesn't know what to do.
He still wants to have the 3-somes and wants to try and work through this problem together, but I am very worried, as it has affected him physically and he is having trouble climaxing and maintaining an erection.
Luckily, we have a very strong relationship and are more concerned about hurting each other.
Am I poly because I want phone sex? Obviously, it is classed as a 'form' of sex, but I don't know if I come under the classification of being 'poly'.
Any suggestions, tips or advice would be much appreciated, as I don't want to give up this new relationship with the other guy, but I love my husband to bits.