On the outside, looking in.

[clairegoad]

So in the past several months, much has changed.

I've been confronting the irrational beliefs that were left from my last relationship.

• I'm not attractive.
• I don't deserve sex.
• I don't like sex (yes, he told me... that *I* don't like sex.)
• I'm too fat for sex.
  

I've found people who say they are poly, but they are interested in sex first, and relationship later. Which seems rather swingerish to me. At this point, I'm leaning more towards swinging. I'd like to see what is out there. My goal is to settle into a poly relationship.

In the meantime, I've gotten a job, and have an hour commute. I'm renting a bedroom from a guy I met at a poly meeting. We're having wonderful conversations. And the combination of job and sex have greatly improved my confidence.

Meanwhile, I'm preparing to move, and life is far more interesting than I expected.

So I'm healing, and continuing on the journey.

[fleurisseur]

Originally Posted by clairegoad

I've been lurking for a while. It's time to post.

I'm a 49 year old (my birthday is Monday) hetero female who was in a mono relationship for many years. BK and I broke up, two years ago. Via the Internet, he met & started dating a married woman who lives many states away (Bar). I knew they were flirting shamelessly online, but it never dawned on me...

...

So I'm just a celebate hetero female. Currently uninvolved, just watching.. learning, and taking notes.

----------------------
HAPPY BIRTHAY TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

This seems clever... just open your mind to "other styles" other beaviours...

It is probable that you will be attracted towards someone, that you may include in your life (and you in his/her life...).

As soon as you notice this attraction.. let it come, accept it, use it, ride on it... and you will calmly accept other beauties that life may bring to you.

and last but not least, you will also bring happiness.. to another person...

[clairegoad]

Today Bar comes to visit BK...This is the reason I joined this forum, and went to the PolyTampa meetings... So I'd be able to "cope" with the situation.

Yep, that's how I planned on doing it.. coping.

Now that the day is here... so much has changed. I'm employed, am moving away from BK, have become friends with several groups of poly folks.

More so, I think I'm dating a poly couple. We don't really talk about it, but it feels like dating... and it is wonderful. It's all too new, and I'm busy enjoying, and don't want to analyze every comment or exchange... So I'm taking the experiences as they come... savoring the moments like a good meal.

I did enjoy a blast of NRE several weeks ago... went to several haunted houses with the husband... After a long day's work, a 90 minute drive, and I was still full of energy and bouncing through the haunted houses.

So the day is here... Bar is visiting BK, and I'm wishing them the best. Sent her an e-mail with a list of places/things she wanted to do during the visit. Smiled at the surprise he has for her, will be having dinner with them.. and it's all okay.

Anti-climactic. I thought this would be traumatic, I'd be curled in a corner crying. Now I realize this is an odd situation... he is my EX-boyfriend... but we were together for almost 2 decades. So it's not the same as a current bf meeting with his lover...

Maybe it is because I've explored new relationships, and realized that I was able to grow past that relationship, and that I was valued by others. I remember writing the e-mails.... and how I felt. and how I expected to feel today...

And I'm just looking forward to having coffee with them and catching up on everything that is going on. Amazing.

Ah, and thank you... because reading your stories has helped me. Meeting polys has helped me... Heck, even meeting some of the swingers (in RL) has helped me understand all of this.

Just thought I'd update y'all. I'm not saying much about my couple. I'm not ready to add labels to that relationship.

[ImaginaryIllusion]

Originally Posted by clairegoad

Anti-climactic. I thought this would be traumatic, I'd be curled in a corner crying. Now I realize this is an odd situation... he is my EX-boyfriend... but we were together for almost 2 decades. So it's not the same as a current bf meeting with his lover...

....

Ah, and thank you... because reading your stories has helped me. Meeting polys has helped me... Heck, even meeting some of the swingers (in RL) has helped me understand all of this.

Anticlimactic sounds like it'd be a good thing in this case. Glad to hear things are going well for you.

[clairegoad]

Changes...

So many changes lately.

I'm now single again... Not dating anyone. Still going to PolyTampa meetings.

Deciding what I want in a relationship.

When things were going well, I posted here. But when the relationships imploded, I was quiet.. I'm analyzing what went wrong..

[NovemberRain]

Originally Posted by clairegoad

Changes...

So many changes lately.

I'm now single again... Not dating anyone. Still going to PolyTampa meetings.

Deciding what I want in a relationship.

When things were going well, I posted here. But when the relationships imploded, I was quiet.. I'm analyzing what went wrong..

Hi!

I've found that my only certainty in life is that things change.

Glad you're back. I'm also working on that deciding thing.

[kdt26417]

Hi Claire.

It sounds like you've had a bit of a setback; sorry about that. It seems like you're approaching things with a constructive attitude, and will come out okay.

Nice to make your acquaintance; I had not read your thread before today.

With much regards,
Kevin T.