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  #21  
Old 08-17-2010, 10:45 PM
CowleyRoad CowleyRoad is offline
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Well it was three monos and one poly but now....more like one poly, her husband and two extremely polycurious people (aka my wife and I)! Maybe I should petition a moderator for a thread title change....
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  #22  
Old 08-17-2010, 10:55 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by CowleyRoad View Post
Well it was three monos and one poly but now....more like one poly, her husband and two extremely polycurious people (aka my wife and I)! Maybe I should petition a moderator for a thread title change....
I think anyone can change the thread title if they started it. But that is not necessary. Do you want the title changed?
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  #23  
Old 08-17-2010, 11:17 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Hey Cowley,

Just a comment or three here in case it may be helpful......

1> Discovery of poly (potential) from swinging is VERY common, and also the root of so many horror stories because people found themselves there before they had done their homework. That's about where you seem to be. I suggest taking a time out (NOT a disconnect) and doing some studying (all) and having some interesting but deep conversations. Try to envision what the arrangement COULD possibly look like once it matures beyond NRE phase.

2> You probably know, but the difference between swinging & poly for most people is founded on a difference between sexual activity and emotional connection. Many swingers intentionally ban (or try with mixed results) emotional entanglements because they are just afraid to open that can of worms. Some that end up opening it anyway (often unavoidable) discover it is really only gummy worms - quite palatable after all ! Others find venomous snakes and die from it ! You all need to decide if you are even up for the challenge of opening the can at all !


Oooops ! Interruption - gotta run. You get the idea........

GS
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  #24  
Old 08-18-2010, 01:36 PM
CowleyRoad CowleyRoad is offline
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Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
I think anyone can change the thread title if they started it. But that is not necessary. Do you want the title changed?
Yes please YGirl. Thank you! Simply change "three monos and a poly" to "a polycurious couple, a mono and a poly".

Thanks again ever so much...sorry to be abrupt (at least for me) lately. Posting from a phone...often while B sends deeply naughty and affectionate texts. I'll just be over here in this corner. Wow.
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  #25  
Old 08-19-2010, 11:44 PM
CowleyRoad CowleyRoad is offline
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So yesterday was fun for a while. B had a little suggestion..."your wife said I could tease you at work, mind if I send you a few texts during the day?" Oh, why not. A series of playful, affectionate, and deeply naughty texts reached my phone. Made it all rather difficult to concentrate on the job I have to say. And the conclusion was...rather intimate. Think slashing of boundaries, of exclusivity. I think it's a fantasy B and my wife and I had but--maybe it was a little too fast.

B and I talked last night with my wife sitting next to me. I noticed my wife getting more and more nervous as I talked. B had to leave and immediately my wife opened up. She said she wasn't sure if she could continue with things. There were so many concerns and worries she had, and she admitted a huge jealousy of me and B. I told her again, tell me if you need this to stop, and I will, because our love is non-negotiable and I do not want to lose you. She said she couldn't because she didn't want to let me down. Many tears were shed by both of us. I am frightened of losing her every day for many reasons (not the least of which is because I know that her orientation points elsewhere for the most part) and I feared again last night.

After a frustrating morning--don't ask--she and I couldn't communicate until this afternoon. She said she had been "processing things" and needed to talk. She had been reading many things (including this board) and read a lot of stories. This is all very new for her. She said she felt she now understood where her jealousy was coming from, and that although it was going to be hard she wanted to work through things. And just then B started texting both of us....and the three of us have been texting madly since, all about where we want this to go and what the boundaries are and what all four of us--including H--need and want.

So tomorrow night we are meeting for a non-sexual get together. I am looking forward to this more than any other get-together...all right, I am lying a little, but the need to clear the air between the four of us is extremely, extremely welcome right now. I don't know what any of the conclusions are going to be. But I do know that all four of us are going to get a fair, respectful hearing. And that's what we need, badly.

This all started with four people wanting to throw clothes and inhibitions to the floor, and it's progressed to four people trying to figure out where they're going in life...are we ships in the night, will we walk together for a while, or will we set things on fire? I don't know. I have no right to call this "poly" (and H specifically does not want to use that word), but it's something more than swinging now.
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  #26  
Old 08-21-2010, 01:41 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Originally Posted by CowleyRoad View Post
B and I talked last night with my wife sitting next to me. I noticed my wife getting more and more nervous as I talked. B had to leave and immediately my wife opened up. She said she wasn't sure if she could continue with things. There were so many concerns and worries she had, and she admitted a huge jealousy of me and B.
Hey Cowley,

It's ok - take a deep breath. Things are proceeding pretty much predictably.

Jealousy is the expected norm in our culture. That's ok.
But............
NOW is the time to really understand what jealousy truly is because it's a terribly negative & destructive emotion/reaction. There's TONS of writing here on the forum and other sites you will find links to. Do a little search for "jealousy".

Not going to repeat something that's been discussed ad infinitum, but jealousy is a FEAR based emotion. Get down and root out the true source of what everyone is really 'afraid' of ! More times than not, when you do this you find paper tigers

One other suggestion I might offer for what it's worth..........

As intense as this all is, don't over-dramatize it ! Just work with it. Things WILL fall into place somewhere as it all progresses. It may be that you'll all discover that poly is not as big & scary a monster as it seems right now. Or you may discover that as nice as it sounds in theory, the practical realities of it just require more resources than you have available to put towards it (physical, emotional etc) and you will fall back in a mono existence but with a lot more real insight into what makes each other tick.

As is said many other times for other reasons - it's not the destination but the journey that holds the biggest rewards

Chill, smile, enjoy the journey.

GS
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  #27  
Old 08-21-2010, 09:19 PM
CowleyRoad CowleyRoad is offline
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Default The end of the beginning

So last night my wife and I went to visit B and H at their home. We both were a bundle of nerves and energy. B's idea was that this would be a non-sexual night...no play, just talk and fun. As usual B and my wife and I had texted back and forth during the day and our nervousness was palpable.

We got to their home. B had been worried all day about how their home might look to us. It is beautiful! And it's filled with cats, which my wife adores. They showed us around, and the four of us talked about trivial things while we sat around a fire in the backyard. I was being good and keeping my hands away from B...as was my wife. Eventually the conversation turned to the four of us, to our future. H looked nervous, and wanted us to go inside.

When we went inside, to our surprise, both of them started opening up. It wasn't surprising so much to hear B talk about her fears and desires, but it was to hear H start talking. Later on B said that "this is the first time he has been able to talk about these things with someone other than me." Then my wife and I started opening up as well...and the night stretched long into the morning. Clothes stayed resolutely on, but minds and emotions were laid bare!

At some point B sat next to me and our arms reached around each other. We chatted and laughed for a while, then B shyly suggested that "you might like to see some of my books." Of course, I said. We walked into another room and B started talking about literary pursuits. Then our eyes met, and we threw our arms around each other and kissed passionately. I asked B how she felt about me. She smiled. "More than a crush." Care to elaborate? "Not yet." We kissed some more. We rejoined my wife and H. Soon afterward B and my wife also "went to look at some books." H told me "I know what they're doing!" But at the same time he said it was ok. He knew B was falling for us, and he admitted that it was scary but he was fine with it. B joined me to look at books a second time later on....

B and H and my wife and I talked till early this morning. We'd intended to go home, but it was so late H invited us to crash at their place. We did, sleeping on their sofa. They were just so friendly and kind and caring and generous to us, it was almost overwhelming.

We only slept a few hours. Early this morning B came back from swimming (!) and the three of us chatted. B said that "everything had gone so much better than she had expected." H was still nervous about our relationship, and wanted to take things very slowly, but the fact that he was so open to us was a major step forward to her. It was a wonderful chat, the three of us holding hands and cuddling as we talked. Later B took a shower, leaving the door open as she did, and playfully called my name. I looked in to see her naked and dripping with water. It was an act of supreme strength to not tear off my clothes and join her! But later she called me in again after she had dried off. This time I did join her...but just to kiss her again and press against her naked body. "More than a crush," she whispered again to me.

B and H and my wife and I went to breakfast which I treated them to. H had to go to work, but he suggested that maybe B and my wife and I could return home to talk. Well, did we ever...we sat on the sofa, B between my wife and I, and chatted....all the while tugging at each others' clothes and kissing and running hands over bodies while reminding ourselves to keep it "non-sexual." Everything but though! My wife agreed that the sexual tension between B and I was feverish and life-affirming and just plain fun to watch...but B let her know (and not just with words) that she felt just as drawn sexually and emotionally to my wife. We were three powder kegs primed to explode...but somehow we kept ourselves just in check.

It was almost time for my wife and I to go. The three of us went to the kitchen, and B and I looked at each other with undisguised lust. "Maybe...I need to see if we left something upstairs," my wife said. When she got up there B threw herself at me...literally crashing against me as she kissed me as passionately as I've ever been kissed. I could not stop myself from running my hand under her skirt and...well. My wife returned and said "I can't find anything upstairs...maybe you can!" with a wink. I forced myself to go for a while...and sneaked down the stairs to watch B and my wife kissing as passionately as we had earlier. The three of us then embraced and traded kisses. B whispered "more than a crush" again, and I whispered it back. My wife wanted to know what that might mean. B blushed visibly, then told us. But I can't tell you yet. It was so hard to leave.

So now my wife and I are here almost drunk on NRE and wanting to see B and H again. Now. As in "30 minutes from now isn't soon enough." As in "we will not be functional until we hear from them again."

And so that was the end of the beginning. A new day is dawning for us all. Thank you for reading so far...
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  #28  
Old 08-23-2010, 04:47 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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This sounds all about the woman...? is it? Where does her husband come in? Easy does it. That is a whole lot of energy between you three and if there is none towards him there could be a whole lot of hurt.

hope that isn't true and the fun can continue without restraint.
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  #29  
Old 08-23-2010, 07:01 PM
CowleyRoad CowleyRoad is offline
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Well, it's complicated (could it be anything else?) Last night the four of us met again, and B paid a lot of attention--read into that what you will--to my wife and I. After some time B and I found ourselves in a long clutch, snuggling and whispering to each other. I worried that "don't you think H is going to feel left out?" and B said, "no, somehow I don't think so..." and I looked up to see my wife naked on his lap kissing him! B said "he never lets anyone sit on his lap"...turns out he'd asked her to!

But does that mean H is OK with everything? No, and neither am I really, or anyone else other than maybe B. You see, B has fallen for me. REALLY FALLEN. She's using the "l-word" constantly and she asked to see me at her workplace today, obviously without my wife or H. I was able to tell her, no, I don't think that's a good idea yet, that's going too fast. I think H is a little nervous about the pace of everything, and my wife is starting to be leery. She knows that B is in love, and she's OK if I am too ("I can't help how you feel" she said, and she's spoken very favorably about the bond between us) but she worries that the two of us might be spiraling a bit out of control. And I can't say I don't disagree. B just sent me a text saying "I can't believe I met you, you are more than I ever could have dreamed of, your affection is changing my life," etc. That NRE is a nasty drug, folks...I want to slow her down without pushing her away.

I DO think my wife and H will be OK with things but especially as the relationships between my wife and B and my wife and H are developing at a slower pace (although B did use the "l-word" several times to my wife as well). So...sigh. I can't count how many times my wife and I have said, "Well, now things will calm down, we've sorted things out." But B just keeps getting more and more wound. Of course, she has that power on other people too--so it's not easy to keep things under a lid.
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