Redpepper's journey

[Breathesgirl]

I'm glad you found somewhere to get yourself together. That alone time makes all the difference ESPECIALLY when dealing with difficult situations.

As I told Mono last night on his thread.....sending all of your energy and wish I could be there to give everyone a huge in person hug!

Question: (comment?) When PN falls for someone he falls hard, doesn't he? No advice on this, more a comment than anything else.

[redpepper]

Yes, to be loved by my husband is a complete honour. He is a gentle soul with a big heart. Any one who is loved by him has his complete attention and devotion. Its a beautiful thing and I am happy to feel compersion for anyone who he loves. This often means that I am shuffled to the side and that can be hard for me, but his love is such a gift to me and I am glad to have worked so hard to be comfortable with him sharing it.

Unfortunately he struggles to love two at once actively. I know he can love two, but balance and multitasking are a struggle for him at the best of times and he tends to be absorbed in one person or the other. It doesn't always appear so outwardly. He seems to have that down pat, but inside he completely has a one track mind.

[anotherbo]

Glad you're getting some alone time RP, even if its measured in minutes.

Anyhow, I mostly just wanted to send more hugs and positive energy.


Anotherbo

[redpepper]

Going at the pace of the one who is struggling the most is as frustrating as hell, but I think I have reached a patience spot today. I asked NP if I could take a look at our finances with him.... ahhhhhhh I HATE FINANCES! but I am sucking it up because I think I should know about them and besides, HE LIKES THEM! I'm being a good wife, right? Being good to my man *barf*

Also I asked him if we could plan another workshop together as we did in the spring, with the woman that we got last time. she is a communication expert and I figure that we all need more on that topic, so he is thinking about doing that with me.... something together right???

Mono got frustrated today about the whole thing as I am looking at worst case scenarios in case nothing changes... that would mean moving into a bachelor suite close by. I am hoping that spending time in the van will help NP see that it can be fine my having my own room and space away from being on top of each other. I won't be disappearing from his life and we both can better get our needs met by opening up our house to my using the suite down stairs. We shall see,..... patience RP patience. Again. At the very least I might have a better understanding of the financial burden it would cause if we don't have tenants.

This whole thing kind of reminds me of people opening up their marriages. We never did that as that is where we began, but I imagine that the push and pull feeling is similar in some way? hmmmmm.

[bimblynim]

Sorry to hear you guys are in such a difficult place. I'm another who really appriciates others journeys so thanks for sharing. Good luck to you all. there is light at the end of the tunnel, no I don't think its an oncoming train and even if it is, we may as well see what shiney things we can find along the way.

Peace and love

[Tonberry]

Sorry if I'm a bit off-topic for a quick question: RP, when you say "NP", you mean PolyNerdist, right? Because it seems to me that should be PN, not NP, so it confuses me a little bit.

[Derbylicious]

Originally Posted by Tonberry

Sorry if I'm a bit off-topic for a quick question: RP, when you say "NP", you mean PolyNerdist, right? Because it seems to me that should be PN, not NP, so it confuses me a little bit.

I'm guessing it has something to do with typing speed. Plus proof reading something when you know what it's supposed to say sometimes you miss things.

Unless of course redpepper has taken up with some new lover named NP....hmmm do we need to have a chat???

[redpepper]

HAHA! sorry, PN, I write sometime from my phone and I guess it prefers NP over PN... I might just call him that to make it easier of myself Nerdistpoly... instead of Polynerdist.

[joyfulgirl26]

Originally Posted by redpepper

I kind of see myself like a wild horse; being tethered to a post breaks my spirit, yet to he who needs to ride with me it seems to be a choice of ride with me, or break my spirit and ride on me. The latter I have never known to work for the long haul. Which makes me very fearful of our future.

wow...never heard it put like that, but that's me to a T. just catching up on this thread. ugh, RP, so much of what you're writing and experiencing rings so true to me. i am sorry you are going through this. *hugs*

[geminigirl]

I've been thinking about all of you a lot in the last week, RP, and pondering the ups and downs and challenges of family life and relationship changes. It seems to me that all of you are exceptionally courageous in that you've chosen to meet more challenges head on than most. That's probably why I like you.

One thought I had regarding the situation with you and PN is that this might not be directly related to you being poly, but more about how you both expect and require your needs to be met. I can see how overwhelmed PN is feeling, emotionally, and how difficult it is for you to balance your care for him with your desire to look after your own, legitimate needs. My offer still stands for this weekend, btw.. (Now I'm imagining you in your van all cosy, heh.)