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Old 08-16-2010, 04:46 PM
Phisch Phisch is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
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Default Help... I cant share

I have always considered myself as polyamorous. I didnt realize there was such a thing, since society teaches differently, until finally delving into the notion. I am currently involved in a monogamous relationship in which I brought up the idea of polyamory fairly early. I wasn't really interested in her being with other men but felt since I wanted to be with another woman/women on occasion, it would only be fair. We have a few friends that swing and have had discussions about the lifestyle. Up to this point nothing has happened with either of us. This weekend, while at a party and in the hot-tub, my GF was sitting next to a man who she thought was attractive. He's safe, very married and his wife was next to me. My GF whispered to me "Are you ok with this" while looking toward her hand. I realized she was stroking the man's crotch. He wasn't touching her but was clearly enjoying the attention. I was shocked but didn't stop her. Although not to be outdone, I began touching his wife as well but only her leg and thighs. I pretty much ended there but spurred some interesting emotions.

Sorry for the playboy story version but the background is important i think.

I realized that I am NOT OK with her being with another man. I have tried to be open to that possibility since I desire to be in other loving relationships openly, but I realize I will be unable to share her (*with a man). She and I talk very frankly and we talked in depth about all that happened. Although I was skeptical at first, she convinced me that it was fun for her to touch him because there was some control in that but there's no way she had any interest in him returning the touching. She didnt want to screw him. She really only wants to be with me and we have a very loving and healthy relationship so I believe this. His wife wasnt attractive to me so there was really no chance of that going further.

So here's the question (finally) ...Is it really fair for me to try to be who I am and ask her to share me when I am not OK with her being with another man? Is this counter-intuitive to the ideas of polyamory? Do others live by these rules or feel the same way? It feels selfish of me to lay down that rule but I would rather not be with others that to share her with another man.

Your advice is welcome. Thanks in advance.
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