Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #101  
Old 08-14-2010, 08:01 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,637
Default

I have a hard time when people say "put yourself first" I think I like "I am my own primary." it kind of indicates that we think for our selves and don't do things that we don't want to but also consider others in that.

Anotherconfused. I have thinking about your issue here. I am actually surprised that this guy has all three of you so wrapped around his finger. His wife, your wife, you... I don't think I've ever seen that before. I haven't known lesbians that allow that much of men in their lives. Interesting. I guess she's not actually a lesbian really. Its hard to know what is really going on if I'm not there, but it was just a thought. It has made me a bit angry actually. So manipulative and controlling some how!
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #102  
Old 08-15-2010, 01:41 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 119
Default

Well, after another craptastic day, she got laid last night, and even had the class to come home with hickies. Gonna be awhile before I touch anyonebesides myself. Majorly pissed
Reply With Quote
  #103  
Old 08-15-2010, 02:15 PM
Mohegan's Avatar
Mohegan Mohegan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 756
Default

I can't give you any advice, but I get it. I can't get turned on if Karma smells of her perfume. And I have a personal distaste for hickies sooo everytime he comes home with one I'm a mess. My big issue has always been if he's with someone but can't sleep with them, then comes home to me. I feel like a sceond rate prize.

I'm sorry I know it isn't helpful, but I just wanted you to know I get it. I don't have an explanation, but I understand the feelings. I don't particularly have compersion for Karma and his g/f, so maybe that whole comfort in the relationship theory has a lot to do with it. If he snuggles with my wife ( a very close friend of both of ours) and he comes home smelling of her, that doesn't bother me.
Reply With Quote
  #104  
Old 08-15-2010, 04:38 PM
Vexxed Vexxed is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 84
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DazednConfused View Post
it also feels kind of a pride thing...a why the hell do I wanna go there if he just did...even though i REALLY REALLY want to...
I think it is possible that it is a pride thing. I've felt similar feelings. I have avoided performing oral sex on my girlfriend a couple of times because her other boyfriend is better at that than I am. He can give her an orgasm that way, and I have not been able to. So, rather than go down and think negative thoughts about how I'm inferior at pleasuring her orally, I just passed and had intercourse with her.

That's only happened a couple of times though, because I usually still go down to give her a longer warm up before intercourse, to experience the intimacy of it, and finally to be that close to her gorgeous vagina!

Last edited by Vexxed; 08-15-2010 at 04:41 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #105  
Old 08-16-2010, 01:24 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 119
Default

Well, we had a long talk yesterday. I told her I'm at my wits end, my breaking point. That since this has started I feel like shes leading a separate life and only involving me on the bad parts. That I need her to include me more on everything. I feel like it's my last, best hope to throw myself in as much as I can stand and see if I can do this. We spent the day in each others arms, I moved back into the master...I just don't know.

He told her they need to 'cool it' this week cause it's our anniversary week, she says to me 'he's one hell of a guy'. My mind goes right to no, the married guy fucking my wife is not one hell of a guy. I just can't help the nasty inside of me, the anger, pain. I forced myself to get past the hickies (grr) after writing him a biting message on facebook. He writes me back that it was an accident, and he's ready to stop for me, I just have to say the word. WTF! Mind fuck much? Of course I can't 'say the word'. It's not up to me.

Another friend and family mamber have caught on, ugh they are so clumsy!

Well, get results of mom's biopsy this week, and hopefully a treatment plan. And it's looking more and more likely that my job may transfer me come October. She gets furious when I tell her my position might require alot more travel, says it will kill us, and I can just stay home and collect unemployment.

So ya, mom cancer, marriage, failing, job failing...feeling pretty darn good these days.
Reply With Quote
  #106  
Old 08-16-2010, 03:44 PM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DazednConfused View Post
He writes me back that it was an accident, and he's ready to stop for me, I just have to say the word. WTF! Mind fuck much? Of course I can't 'say the word'. It's not up to me.
Fuck it. Call his bluff. See if his word to you is any better than the words he says to the wife he's fucking around on. He's got zero credibility in the honesty department. Maybe he needs some one to prove it.
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #107  
Old 08-16-2010, 03:50 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 119
Default

LOL!!! I wish! Thing is, if he actually did end it, my wife would never forgive me for ruining it.
Reply With Quote
  #108  
Old 08-16-2010, 04:11 PM
SNeacail's Avatar
SNeacail SNeacail is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
Posts: 1,616
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DazednConfused View Post
And it's looking more and more likely that my job may transfer me come October. She gets furious when I tell her my position might require alot more travel, says it will kill us, and I can just stay home and collect unemployment.
I'm sorry, this is just such a horrible thing to say to someone you love. There are lots of ways to make a relationship work when work requires a lot of traveling. That comment was incredibly selfish on her part, you deserve someone who will support you. The unemployment in your area must be better and easier to qualify for than where I live.
Reply With Quote
  #109  
Old 08-16-2010, 04:15 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 119
Default

I think she feels, probably correctly, if I wind up on road more, with the current troubles we're having, that our relationship wouldn't survive
Reply With Quote
  #110  
Old 08-16-2010, 04:18 PM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DazednConfused View Post
LOL!!! I wish! Thing is, if he actually did end it, my wife would never forgive me for ruining it.
I'm not sure what would be ruined anymore. You are constantly being disrespected it seems and this guy's wife is completley being discounted as a feeling human being as long as they continue thier affair.

I guess you would be raining on thier little parade. They are living in a fantasy world. I'd say they either want to get caught to create a big change because they aren't strong enough to make the move or they are oblivious to the fragility of thier disolusioned world. For the record..they suck at having an affair and that is either a good sign indicating a lack of practice or a bad sign indicating they simply don't give a fuck about how it affects you or this guy's wife.

The whole situation reeks of selfishness, childishness, and sadness.

I feel for you my friend. Sorry to be such a downer
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
affairs, cheating, cheating and poly, endings, neglect, self sacrifice

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:26 PM.