Redpepper's journey

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by redpepper

That and anxiety. I think some counseling and meds are something he should consider. ....I'm not a fan of medication. .

I hope it doesn't come to that...I've been through some heavy shit in my life and found counselling to be excellent. I'm anti meds for all but the most dire of conditions though and think they are severely abused by many people and children. That doesn't mean I am right about anything...but still they concern me a lot.

[RGee91]

i simply wish for the best for you all. Your story in the success and happiness thread is what caused me to join this site, and it really inspired me that poly could actually work.

It seems that the light at the end of the tunnel is in view... and it doesn't seem to be a train

I await the day that the conclusion of this chapter in your lives get posted to success and happiness, because im sure it will be. Your love is too strong to wither so suddenly

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by RazeGeneration

Your love is too strong to wither so suddenly

There's one for the books! Thanks my friend, I have a tendency to agree

[RGee91]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

I hope it doesn't come to that...I've been through some heavy shit in my life and found counselling to be excellent. I'm anti meds for all but the most dire of conditions

i concur. allow the mind time to heal naturally and thru communication. drugging it should be a last resort. drugged decisions often lead to sober regrets...

but alas, if or if not PN starts taking meds or therapy should be his decision, and should be respected as what he feels he needs or doesn't need

[Breathesgirl]

Originally Posted by redpepper

thanks Breathes... oh you are so good to me

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said he needs to grieve. I think he does and I think he is getting there. He has come back happy today from visiting his Dad... happy and we have a fridge full of farm veg!

See............a silver lining to his going to his dad's today .

Everything I say is from the heart.

Grief takes many forms. We each grieve differently. It sounds like he takes it all internally & then has to find a way to let it out in a healthy way. He'll get there . So will you & so will Mono.

Patience. So few letters for such a huge word. It's something we are all supposed to have yet it's one of the things in life that is the hardest to attain.

[redpepper]

PN has been on this road for quite awhile. Its not just this time. I think at least therapy would do some good.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by redpepper

My tersiary has decided to be in a mono relationship with his girlfriend for the time being while they establish themselves and he goes through his divorce. She is now moving in with him it turns out... I don't know what it will all mean in the end, so I wait. I have known him for years and he has come in and out of my life. I don't think this will mean the end for us. Just a long delay.

I think it's a really good idea to be mono for awhile actually. I think it helps the relationship reach it's maximum potential. It helps build a foundation for the couple I think. It's important to keep talking I think, and seeing if the relationship has primary potential or if it should be mono.

I wrote this on another thread, but as I asked him if I can stay at his house and waited for an answer for quite a few days, I thought I would post this as a means to explain why he can't take me in... his girlfriend and her daughter are moving in.

I don't think it's the best idea as his ex just moved out and their two kids and him need to adjust before moving others in. He thinks that they have all bonded and it will be a good idea. It will help him out financially also.

I'm a bit stunned at the moment, but it follows his way of doing things... I shouldn't be surprised. He has always been a fast mover. It means more work on my part in order to stay in his life, let alone regain the relationship we had. I think at this point I will take a long break. We have done that before and always come back to what we had.... so life goes on.

[Mohegan]

Originally Posted by redpepper

PN has been on this road for quite awhile. Its not just this time. I think at least therapy would do some good.

I've dealt with deppression and anxiety since I was 8. I've been through therepy, meds and nothing at all. I'm a big fan of all three and any combination there of, if it is helpful.

I think PN may find some help in therepy, if he's willing to do the work. It's done wonders for me. I tend to seek out a therepist every few years to fine tune things that I've let myself go lax on. I don't know of any permanant fix, but I know my therepists have given me a lot of good tools to use to help deal and cope with things.

I wish you all the best. I hope with time and patience, things heal.

[anotherbo]

As someone who has suffered disabling depression on-and-off (mostly on) for my entire life, I'd like to share what I know about my own depression.

When I am deeply depressed, there is really no point trying to do anything about it except relax, wait it out, and look for those moments when I am capable of enjoying anything. Then I try to do something that will boost my energy/mood. It usually has to be something fun, but if it can also be exercise, eating well, or something else inherently good for me, that is a plus.

Personally, I get enormously frustrated when other people in my life try to advance, or even suggest, solutions to me when I'm really down. Though therapy, medication, exercise, lifestyle changes etc. have been helpful to me personally, trying to set something like that in motion while already deeply depressed just drains my energy further.

Most likely, PN's situation is so different from mine, that this information won't be helpful. But its possible that he may be stuck in the same catch-22 I often have been: I'd be so much more active in dealing with my depression, if I wasn't so damn depressed!


Anotherbo

[redpepper]

Thank you anotherbo. That is actually very helpful. He has similar traits I think. I have been the one to kick his ass and get him moving again to do something about it. I think sometimes he has been so low that he just needs complete space, as you say, and I either don't give it and kick his ass or get on with my own life and see him later. Hmmmm. Stuff to think about! Maybe there is something not working there for him. Thanks!