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Old 08-15-2010, 12:47 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by Breathesgirl View Post
You're quite welcome although I won't take the credit, others have been calling Poly Nerdist PN from the beginning of this thread so I just followed suit .
You know I hadn't noticed til you said that, but its true, others have called him PN too! I guess I took it as it's better name for him now when I saw another person calling him that.

Originally Posted by Breathesgirl View Post
You get that time to yourself and I'll bet things will start looking rosy again and the solution to the current problem will present itself and you'll all be hitting your foreheads in astonishment that it was really such a simple solution in the end.
yes, I am aware of this and know it... thanks for pointing it out... I really just need some time and need to connect with PN again and the rest will fall into place.

We had a blow out again yesterday, this time with Mono present and on the way to my mum's birthday party. It seems that PN has not heard what I have been saying... the same as I have written on here, even though I have said it a million times for months... he seems to think that our connection has been diminishing for years; at least two (since I met Mono actually). Perhaps it has? For me is hasn't, for me it has changed and gone in a different direction, but not diminished.

PN wants to have that old NRE feeling that we had at the beginning of our relationship... before we got married. I just don't think that is realistic. We are 12 years in and that only comes at the beginning of relationships. We have had glimpses of similar NRE feelings along the way, as we did at a wedding a month or so back, but not entirely the way it was.

It seems that there is a need to do MORE than we have been doing for him. We can't seem to accomplish the half hour a day thing, let alone more. I keep saying that we need to at least do that, but he wants more than that. Why can't we take a baby step!? Why jump in the deep end when we can't seem to wade in the shallow and be okay?!

I agreed to work more on our connection and so did he. Mono wants us to commit to doing something like a class together, but I think that is a bit much at this point. NP wants to do more fun things and it kind of pisses me off that I arrange fun things all the time and he either doesn't want to go, or it isn't quite what he wants to do and when or he is too down or in his head to think it's important to do them.... I'll tell you, as soon as this slides again, I am so going to be reminding him that he committed to re-connecting!

This is not the first time we have had this issue... I don't know how we will fair up with this. He wants to add to his plate going to visit his dad more often in his home town. This will add to our lives and will mean more time apart. I am thinking I will have to give up more of what I fill my life with in order to make this all work. sigh.....

I guess I should of seen all this coming. I have been very busy and filling my life with all kinds of fun. While NP has said he is good and happy for me, he hasn't been obviously and wants to reign me in. I have been fine really. I have never felt so complete and full. I was just starting to find a balance in it all and now I feel forced to follow someone else's agenda. I don't think that is necessarily true, just how I feel. I have never reacted well to being told what to do and this is what this feels like. I am aware that he is hurting and sad and worried about us. Probably if I am more compassionate to his needs it will all be okay. It's coming, I feel it coming, but right now I am holding on to my anger until I am done with it and can readjust. Yes, time and space away from all this will do it.

I had an offer to spend time at someones house while they are away. They read this here thread and offered. Oh I love them for it!
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