Poly Pearl Necklace of Wisdom!

[ImaginaryIllusion]

The last few days in particular I've been struck hard fast and repeatedly by little shiny bits of gold that the awesome people of this community have been sharing here. I was thinking it'd be great if there was somewhere for these little pearls of wisdom, experience & advice to congregate. After being hard won through years of introspection, love & tears, it'd be a shame for them to all wander about the forums on their own.

So, the idea is to string these little pearls together, like the compilation of Zen proverbs or something. This isn't an individual effort, so anyone else is welcome to add to the necklace at any time.

There's just a couple ground rules I'll leave for anyone adding pearls that they feel are worthy:

• A Pearl should be

• able to stand on its own, without the surrounding context.
• self sufficient, its purpose or value readily apparent with minimal additional explanation. (Although by all means, if there's amplification you want to add about how it affected you....fill your boots)
• shiney, wise, profound, eternal, truth, or if all else fails...funny!
• As much as possible, try to use the board Quote format, so that the link to the source article (and the original context) is preserved should anyone want to dig into the origins of a pearl.
• This is intended for collection and posterity vice debate. The value, accuracy, whatever can be debated in the pearls originating thread. They don't need to agree with anyone, or even other pearls.

Cheers. Introducing the first strand of the PPNW:

Originally Posted by Ceoli

But the trouble is whenever we throw our energy into building a specific relationship structure, it puts undue pressure on the relationship. It constricts the natural ways a relationship may want to develop.
<snip>
... if it becomes an "all or nothing" scenario, it automatically dis-allows most other outcomes that may indeed be the solution, thus creating a much larger possibility of failure.

Originally Posted by Fidelia

Approach every situation with love and respect for all concerned, because you never know what will trigger a sensitive spot in the relationship(s). And when you've identified a sensitive area, talk it out. Talk and talk and talk some more. Give that shit so much light and air that flowers blossom up out of it!

Originally Posted by greenearthal

When your whole attitude becomes "WE are going to become polyamous, but all of the decisions about how we're going to be polyamorous are going to come from ME," then you end up with worthless polyamory.

Originally Posted by XYZ123

Whatever the reasons, bullshit or not, and whatever the emotions, strong or not, if you're not a good fit you're not a good fit.
<snip>
...sometimes love really just isn't enough. Sometimes you have to let go.

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

5 STEPS

- Have it all
- Lose it all
- Realize you didn't have it all to begin with
- Find out what it was you didn't have (I paid some one to help)
- Use the knowledge gained to affect change

Lastly - if you are lucky enought to find some one who will hold you through all of this, cherish them, honor them, and love them.

Originally Posted by greenearthal

Sometimes emotions that totally don't seem like they can or should go together still happen at the same time.
<snip>
Give yourself permission to take the space you need to sort through things.

Originally Posted by WaywardDruid

Because it's the Now generation.

Because it's the Me generation.

Because it's the Hip generation.

Because it's the Pepsi generation.

Because it's all about instant gratification and being able to flip open the cell phone and instantly talk to anyone and everyone in the world generation.

Cell phones are Evil they're evil I tell you. And when you all turn into Zombies and start coming after me to eat my brain then I'll tell you I told you so.

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance

Be honest-no matter what.

Share your feelings-generally speaking we aren't mind readers.

Be considerate of other people's mistakes and quick to forgive them for unintentional harm.

Be aware of your own mistakes and be quick to apologize for them.

Love freely with one another.

Let each person find their way.

Originally Posted by sweetie

Love evolves in a way that no one could possibly imagine. When we think we have the other person figured out, an emotion gets thrown in there that leaves you wondering if you have anything figured out.

Originally Posted by greenearthal

... if you have found partners worthy of trust, and then you don't trust them, then you a) wasted all that time finding trustworthy people for no especially good purpose.. and b) slow your growth and that of your relationship and leave a lot of unrealized potential there on the table.

Unwillingness to be vulnerable severely restricts the level of communication you can have, and your love will most likely suffer (or at the very least it will be less than what it could otherwise be).

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance

You can't annihilate a fear if you won't face it and work THROUGH it. Not run from it, go THROUGH it.

[greenearthal]

Neat.

[LovingRadiance]

Awesome!!!

[redpepper]

wow, you put a lot of work into this! cool! and thanks you are so right!

[ImaginaryIllusion]

On being a third:

Originally Posted by aussielover

The third is the third.
<snip>
... I fully accept that I am the third. That doesn't mean I always come last, or I'm not loved.
<snip>
It's not easy being the third. Defenately not. But none of the postitions are easy.

Universal

Originally Posted by aussielover

No one said this type of relationship would be easy.

[ImaginaryIllusion]

Universal:

Originally Posted by Ceoli

... I've always held that having healthy poly relationships and having healthy mono relationships generally draw upon the same skill set

[redpepper]

Universal:

Quote:
... I've always held that having healthy poly relationships and having healthy mono relationships generally draw upon the same skill set

no shit, really..... ?????

[ImaginaryIllusion]

Universal:

Originally Posted by Ariakas

3 – Live without expectation – hopes and dreams are something different