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Old 08-13-2010, 07:46 PM
sarahmaru sarahmaru is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
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Default is it for me?

so i've had this struggle with my sexuality for a long time now. and today, i felt that i had this epiphany that i might be a polyamorous person..i recall a few years back talking to my best friend on the phone. if you've ever seen hedwig and the angry inch, you probably know the scene/animation about people being born connected and then split apart by the gods. and those were soul mates, and they knew when they'd found each other, because they'd been connected from the start. so anyway, i asked her (my best friend) if she thought it was possible that more than 2 people could be connected. maybe 3 or 4 or even more. i was in a relationship at the time, and i knew i loved the guy. but i knew i loved her too, and she loved me. it was a very confusing time.

today, i think back on the special people that i've loved, that i still love. and i see no reason why i shouldn't continue loving them. considering them special people that i want to take care of romantically and emotionally and yes, physically. it would be foolish to think they're necessarily mature enough to consider a polyamorous relationship, and i haven't even considered bringing it up to my current fiance yet. but i'm wondering, does this sound like something any of you has encountered? it would be quite a relief to think that i'd found an orientation that made sense.

i've always felt overwhelmed with feeling for certain people. they just connected to me in a way that escaped words. even though i "should," i don't think i do love any of them more than others. i had a group of friends that revered indifference but still tried to sleep with everyone in sight. and i hated it, so i thought monogamy was the way for me. now i think i just felt too deeply to not share romance and intimacy on every level. if i couldn't have that, well casual sex was just a horrible idea..

wow, i'm babbling. this is just a really intense feeling for me. years of confusion, and now suddenly i think i've found something i might understand..please, any feedback or advice would be great. thanks!

ps: i didn't read back over this to edit or anything. so please excuse typos and stream-of-consciousness rambling.
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