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  #11  
Old 08-08-2010, 04:50 AM
Jade Jade is offline
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Have you found the correct answer for your situation? I'm still looking for mine.
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  #12  
Old 08-08-2010, 09:17 AM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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Yes, it is possible to move too slow.

Never a problem around here though, LOL! Every problem we have ever encountered is because everyone in our house moves so damn fast...
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  #13  
Old 08-10-2010, 10:17 PM
Propast Propast is offline
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Hi Honestheart,
Not sure quite what's happening in your situation, so I'll "ass-u-me" a bit and tell you what I've seen from my experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Honestheart View Post
I've heard it said that in poly you can try to "move at the speed of the one who is struggling the most" as a way to help all relationships involved grow healthy and steady.
but tell me this, when moving slow becomes standing still and holding...
...
and if you find yourself at such a point, what do you do? keep holding or take a step forward and deal with the emotional aftermath?
I'm in a situation where we've been putting off a difficult conversation about difficult changes. We had to take a break from it, and now other major life stresses means there's no room for *extra* stress in our lives, so the conversation is pretty much stopped. This leads to a bad place: We all know the conversation is coming, but she's sort of hoping the problem will just go away on its own. This would be pretty easy to bury again in the current situation, but that is unlikely to end any better in the long run.

Lesson?

"Move at the speed of the one who is struggling the most" should not mean "standing still and holding..." Taking a breather, not rushing into things, letting people process and calm down and think: good. Never making difficult decisions, delaying important conversations to a never-defined horizon: bad. In life, not just relationships, I find this delaying tends to mean everyone suffers until the situation breaks in a hard way.

So remember to keep taking those steps forward.

(Side note about taking "steps forward": perhaps that doesn't mean closer to what you think your goal is. Perhaps "steps forward" can better mean that everyone shows a commitment to growing, learning, becoming better)
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  #14  
Old 08-11-2010, 11:30 PM
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Honestheart Honestheart is offline
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Dear all,
am still in a difficult place but moving through it. have made some recent leaps and bounds towards working on things...
appreciate all the comments...
@propast THANK YOU. u "as-u-me"'d but ur answer actually surprisingly, fits as does yer situation LOL and YES your comment about taking steps also fits! wow, you've DEEPLY encouraged me... NOT THAT EVERYBODY ELSE COMMENTS HAVEN'T TOO! lol

than you all, keep the comments a coming.
you're all helping!
__________________
"...Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident." ~St Augustine

Last edited by Honestheart; 08-11-2010 at 11:33 PM.
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  #15  
Old 08-12-2010, 12:33 AM
jkelly jkelly is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Propast View Post
"Move at the speed of the one who is struggling the most" should not mean "standing still and holding..." Taking a breather, not rushing into things, letting people process and calm down and think: good. Never making difficult decisions, delaying important conversations to a never-defined horizon: bad. In life, not just relationships, I find this delaying tends to mean everyone suffers until the situation breaks in a hard way.
The above is one reason why I don't think that's always good advice, and have a hard time imagining my ever suggesting it as a rule.
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