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  #51  
Old 08-11-2010, 10:19 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Redpepper sending positive thoughts your way.

I have been married 19 years and I can definitely say that the years 7-12 were some of our worst. Alot of this sounds like normal marriage crap. I don't know if it is prior unrealistic expectations and reality not matching up or 500 different things left to pile up. I've done my share of irrational lashing out, attacking anything convienent to blame for why things are bad. I eventually realized I was being irrational. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone and others have been there (even if the details vary). Hopefully you guys can come to a mutually beneficial solution.
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  #52  
Old 08-11-2010, 10:26 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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Hear, hear, SNeacail! What she said.
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  #53  
Old 08-11-2010, 10:42 PM
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I take comfort in knowing its all been done before. Thanks for that. I don't usually get to hear that and I appreciate such wise advice. Irrationality is part of it for sure, which is why I'm trying to suck it up, put my big girl panties and deal. Getting there, slowly, but getting there.
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  #54  
Old 08-11-2010, 10:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I take comfort in knowing its all been done before. Thanks for that. I don't usually get to hear that and I appreciate such wise advice. Irrationality is part of it for sure, which is why I'm trying to suck it up, put my big girl panties and deal. Getting there, slowly, but getting there.
Are you baking more pie in those big girl panties?
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  #55  
Old 08-11-2010, 10:58 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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I really want to know how to bake a pie in panties...and there are just tooo many wrong directions for me to go with that...
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  #56  
Old 08-11-2010, 11:00 PM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
I really want to know how to bake a pie in panties...and there are just tooo many wrong directions for me to go with that...
Right there with ya buddy.
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  #57  
Old 08-12-2010, 12:03 AM
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I'm so sorry your whole family is going through this right now. You all seem like such loving, giving, thoughtful people.

I feel so sad right now.

Time for me to buck up and find some positive stuff to say...

You are all great people. You deserve much love in your lives, and all of you will have it, no matter how the present situation ends up. The pain sounds unbearable at the moment, but it will get better. You've given so much love and support to the people on this board... I hope you can feel the love and support we're trying to send you right now.

I hope this didn't sound too trite... tears are leaking down my cheeks as I sit in the public library typing it.

/hugs and love


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  #58  
Old 08-12-2010, 12:54 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
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Separation anxiety can be a bitch. I don't really get it, myself, but I dont live w my gf, and she comes close to tears every time I have to leave her, even if it's just for a day or 2.

You'll work it out, redpepper, mono, nerdist. *hug*
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  #59  
Old 08-12-2010, 04:49 AM
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*hugs* I'm sorry Redpepper, I didn't mean to upset you with my post. Just trying to help people understand that wanting that closeness within a poly dynamic isn't an unrealistic fantasy, it's possible. I have to admit that if my husband didn't have a gf, our situation would be very, very different. It helps that each of us have similar relationships with our other partners.
I don't have a close relationship with my husbands gf and my husband and bf are not really close. They are 'friendly' and don't mind hanging out in a group setting, but they don't spend time together without me in the room. In some ways it would be nice to have everyone as one big, happy family. It's also nice to have a bit of separation between the relationships. It can give a bit of perspective that would be harder if we were all together all the time. They are both a huge part of MY life, but necessarily part of each others. They seem ok with that too.
You know that although my living situation may be the ideal, my relationships aren't without some heartache, they are far from perfect
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  #60  
Old 08-12-2010, 05:37 AM
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thanks everyone I feel a bit of a whiner really... there is work to do, but we are far from tragic I think.

Booklady, I know that you have struggles and we have talked about them before you and I. I didn't mean that you made me feel sad, just a bit jealous. I realize that I have a good thing in my life. So much love. I don't feel connected to Nerdist right now, but that happens in marriage and relationships at times. I will get through it and we will carry on....

In the meantime I am making myself more at home at my OH. I am looking for a dresser to put my things in now. I have a large amount of stuff there now and have it all crammed in with Mono's things. I like to go there and put on my comfy clothes and look out the bedroom window. There is a Quaker church across the path way between the buildings and they are out on the back grass on Tuesday night in the summer, dancing and saying prayers. I love to listen to them and watch them sway back and forth... I the winter I watch through the windows of the big old house and it feels so warm in there. Mono makes me tea or a drink of some kind and we catch up a bit on things before doing something. Once we made cookies to send to LR when she had her operation. We made cannelloni once and last night the pie. Mono doesn't know how to cook much so we do it together. Sometimes we get on line and watch some things. Last night we learned how to make roses out of duct tape for a project we are doing for my mum's work.... and we always have long moments in bed talking and cuddling and having sex... we are not usually asleep until midnight or after...

yes, I really would not have that much luxury if he lived below. He would be worried about noise, and the boy coming in. I would think I was spending too much time with him... no Quakers. It really just might be for the best.
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