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  #41  
Old 08-11-2010, 01:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Ilove2men View Post
Someone, you or Redpepper or even both need to step outside of it to a certain extent and be his calm within the storm. His voice of reason. His guiding light.
We will..some things, thoughts and ideas just need to be put out there so they can be explored. It's a process of learning.
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  #42  
Old 08-11-2010, 06:30 PM
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So I made my Mono a pie last night in my panties He was pleased. I was glad to treat him as he has been so supportive. It was damned good pie too!

I felt sad all night however. I had that same tug of pain when I left the house to go to my OH. Said goodbye to the boy and kissed Nerdist. *pang* will it ever fucking go away?! Its the same one when I say goodbye to Mono at the front door of the house I share with Nerdist and the boy. *pang* everytime. Its become almost a torture.

This morning I came home to Nerdist still in bed, he hadn't slept. I tried to convince him to stay at home but he wouldn't. We had a quiet morning in which the boy got very upset when Nerdist asked if I was okay. I am just sad. That's all, sad, but we ended the conversation quickly when the boy got upset.

My tersiary is in the middle of a terrible divorce. He asked me last night to take pictures of him and I in play off my fetlife. Not why, just asked. So I did it. He identifies as a dom now and she as a sub. It made me wonder what is going on and what she might be using against him. He is trying to remove his fetlife account too.

I wrote my tersiary this morning to ask if I can rent her room. Just for once or twice a month. I asked if I could take a holiday in it for a couple of days to try it out. I'm waiting to hear what he says. He needs the money, so I hope to work something out and get at least one need met; my need for space in my own room. I could take my painting stuff and make it my studio. I haven't been able to go to mine since coming out to my parents. Its in their house and just sitting there. I don't want to intrude and certainly don't feel creative and safe there. Things are going well with them, but it would be pushing it for me to feel safe just yet.

Trying to figure out how to get my need met of having my family all in one place so I don't get that *pang* anymore. That will be more difficult I think.
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  #43  
Old 08-11-2010, 08:05 PM
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I don't know if this will help at all, it's just my experience in trying to reconcile my poly relationships.

Although my bf had lived rather close by, it was always hard to leave him or leave my husband, always leaving one of them. There was that *pang* of regret that I always seemed to be saying goodbye to one of them. I saw my husband every day but it was also hard not being able to see my bf everyday, even for that mundane *kiss goodbye* when he left for work, or a *quick hug* before heading out.

I had the desire very early on to have my bf live in the empty basement suite downstairs. There were many practical reasons, but also there was this strong feeling that it was right, that he deserved a place in my life, my family. When he did move in, all of that was confirmed. It wasn't stressful, in fact it was very calming. A routine and balance has been established that is made much easier by the close proximity.

Before we got to that point, there were discussions about possible concerns. The main concern from my husband was that the home that he and I shared would be respected. Our bedroom, our space was still to remain ours. He wanted to ensure that my bf wasn't going to have free reign over our home, boundaries would still be respected. My bf also had a similar concern, that I wasn't going to come and go as I pleased. He also wanted to ensure he had space to call his own. Basically, all doors in the house would have the option to be open or closed based on the knowledge and comfort of everyone. I still knock before entering, everyone does.

Of course there was a bit of NRE in the beginning having my bf right downstairs, however I'm not sure if I would say we spend more time together now. There's just a better balance of time, less time spent traveling, easier scheduling, etc.

And most important, that *pang* of having to say goodbye is gone. Because I'm not going far, just up or down the stairs. Knowing how close each of them is to me, it's made me incredibly happy. I think it's also comforting to each of them to know that I'm close by, that I'm still 'at home'.
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  #44  
Old 08-11-2010, 08:12 PM
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Just wanted to add that although I have some growing pains in the realization that I need to adjust to realizing I am not going to see things go exactly how *i* want them to be, I am doing fine and feel blessed with what I have.

Nerdist and I are very different people; he is a hermit, slow moving, in his head, pensive, needs lots of down time and sleep, while I am always on the move, head strong, loud, always getting a group together to do things, always creating fun times and flying by the seat of my pants. I need to realize that for better or worse I have married someone totally different from me and while I have freedom to have other partners with him, there is a limit.

He does not love Mono, he sees no benefit to him in our arrangement where I would of liked to of seen them best friends, its just not going to happen. I thought it was, but it isn't and I have been mislead.

That's okay. Really, I have no right to complain. So I am not going to, just continue to figure it out.
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  #45  
Old 08-11-2010, 08:13 PM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
So I made my Mono a pie last night in my panties He was pleased. I was glad to treat him as he has been so supportive. It was damned good pie too!

.
This is called focussing on the positive!! Pie and panties.....YUM
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  #46  
Old 08-11-2010, 08:31 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post

Nerdist and I are very different people; he is a hermit, slow moving, in his head, pensive, needs lots of down time and sleep, while I am always on the move, head strong, loud, always getting a group together to do things, always creating fun times and flying by the seat of my pants.
That reminds me of me and my husband. Nerdist sounds like me, You sound like my husband. It is interesting to note that we three are Sagittarius, Nerdist is Pisces, but my moon is in Pisces, which is why I like to stay home a lot. Anyway someone did my chart once and it said something like that... if you are into astrology and zodiac signs and stuff. I am loud when I get going, but I am a home-body and need lots of down-time and sleep.

I just poked Nerdist on Fakebook.
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  #47  
Old 08-11-2010, 08:48 PM
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I kind of figured you'd understand booklady. All of what you said resonated to me. All of that kind of dynamic discussed over and over again. There is nothing I can do anymore to help him understand how your kind of living situation would work. He just sees it as my time being taken up more.

You made me weep like a child in the grocery store with that post. Thank you for understanding. I now have to figure out how I am not going to have that, but something else. What though? I have to figure out how to be happy in the future. I will be, just a little lost as to where to go next with this. Continue on is all I can think of. Its all good really. What's there to complain about? I've done it for 20 months now, I can go on. it will be fine need to sound convincing now.
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Old 08-11-2010, 09:18 PM
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Yes I am all sag and aires with spats of scorpio. A lot of passionate adventure going on with strong emotions. He is very fluid with his emotions and they last forever. He sinks into them like murky water and they can swallow him whole.

When I need to be calmed and subdued I go to him. Unfortunately it means being doused sometimes. Fire out. Then again I help him create fire energy.

I kind of see myself like a wild horse; being tethered to a post breaks my spirit, yet to he who needs to ride with me it seems to be a choice of ride with me, or break my spirit and ride on me. The latter I have never known to work for the long haul. Which makes me very fearful of our future.
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  #49  
Old 08-11-2010, 09:35 PM
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Remember all that Polynerdist has accepted in you and you in him, Lilo. Very few people could have made it as far as you guys. Your lives together has been one incredible journey of the heart. I doubt many people could have held on to this ride. He is a remarkable man just as you are a remarkable woman. He deserves a lot of credit just as you do for loving each other through many highs and lows.
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  #50  
Old 08-11-2010, 09:59 PM
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My co-worker just said that we are very giving to one another and really he has riden beside me for years. She winked and said, "he will remember who is boss, he will ride with you again because everything we have done before has been like that and its all worked out." she's referring to when I said he would marry me, when I said we should have a child now, when I said its time to buy a house... She's known us awhile and knows how we have worked in the past. He wants to do things differently and I need to adjust to his lack of desire to be submissive and a follower to me.
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