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Old 08-10-2010, 10:13 AM
Baka1216 Baka1216 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6

The second woman wants a mono relationship as well...
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Old 08-10-2010, 10:17 AM
Baka1216 Baka1216 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6

Thank you all for the replies and advice. Just getting it out has helped in a way. I'm still not sure of what I should do but- I will never stop loving either of them. Declarations like that shouldn't make you feel sad.
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Old 08-10-2010, 12:44 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,965

Hey Baka, I feel for you and your quandry.

Speaking from experience, as a 55 yr old woman... I married at age 22 to a guy I'd been with for 3 yrs. I didnt know about polyamory at that time, but I married him still having feelings, not for one other specific person, but knowing I was very subject to being attracted to others. My husband never could handle this. He had low self esteem and would get jealous if I so much as danced with another man.

Fast forward to now. We had a long marriage, over 30 years, and 3 kids, but my straying eye never stopped straying. I never cheated on him but I know now I am naturally poly. This is one of the reasons we broke up in 2008.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
We are both open to dating, but no serious other partners at the moment
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Old 08-10-2010, 07:17 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,647

In my opinion......You should not feel guilty for loving two women, but you should not marry one of them or involve yourself with another that wants to be mono. Neither will be an easy ride and I doubt highly that either will work out.

I suggest that you sit with both of them and figure out what your long term goals are. If they are marriage, kids, house and monogamy, then say goodbye to both. You can not offer all of these things to both and will resent making a choice. If you are indeed not monogamous then don't act like one and start embracing the life that you need to be living before it's too late.

I married my non-monogamous boyfriend 9 years ago and we are both poly. We have the house, the car, the kid, and the lovers/partners.... you can too, but it sounds like not with these two women.

Keep reading on here and elsewhere and see what you can learn about yourself and how this all works... it's possible, but you will need time and patience with yourself.
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