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Old 08-10-2010, 01:49 PM
gwendolenthefair's Avatar
gwendolenthefair gwendolenthefair is offline
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 62
Default Am I holding him back?

Well, I had my third date last night with my new sweetie and I am totally confused now.

It went very well. We hung out at his house, ordered pizza, watched an old British comedy series from the 80s that we both adore, and made love for the first time. I think he's charming and adorable and sweet, as well as sexy as hell, and I could completely fall in love with him, even though I feel a bit ridiculous because he's 18 years my junior. My husband supports the relationship so far and the guys are meeting later this week. My new guy is married, his wife was out on a date with a new woman, and she really wants a girlfriend and for her husband to find one too. I met her briefly as I was leaving and she was polite and disinterested in me, which I thought was weird, but it was an inherently awkward situation.

So, of course, I am worried and stressing out instead of basking in the wonderfulness of it all...

The problem is, I think new sweetie is basically mono. He has pretty much said that. The reason he and his wife are poly is because his wife believes she is gay. She had thought she was bi when they married, but about six months ago, she halted their physical relationship completely and started seeking a female partner. She has not yet had one, although she has made some friends in the lesbian community and has been on a few dates. She pretty much told him, go do what you want. I am his first outside partner so far, and only the second woman he has ever been with, period.

This is a very conventional guy. I get the sense that all he has ever wanted is a decent job and a nice house and a wife who loves him, and possibly even kids (his wife is one of those militant child-free people, but he likes kids). I feel that if I stay involved with him, I make it possible to stay with his wife. And he deserves a primary partner who loves him, wants to have sex with him, maybe is even open to having a family. Instead of what he has now, which is a bi, or possibly gay, woman who has disengaged from him sexually, disengaged from him somewhat emotionally too, and sounds like she doesn't care about his needs anymore, if she ever did.

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