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  #31  
Old 07-27-2009, 08:28 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Redpepper and I had a fantastic weekend!

We considered going away to be a celebration in honour of our entering a new phase of our love and life together. Both of us are clear on what we need and comfortable with the shape of our relationship and the future we want. We feel as though our internal struggles are over, our love won over our fears, we are devoted to us and the chosen family we have.

Our challenges will be from the outside now. Logistics and family relations will be worked on without hurry however. There is no time limit and we need to put the welfare of others at the forefront now that we are at peace and even deeper in love.

Her husband recommended going for two nights and yet again he was right. What a gift he has given us.

As a side note…you should hear Redpepper getting a massage! Me and the woman giving my massage were both looking over..WOW can she ever breath!! meeeeoooowww!
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  #32  
Old 07-30-2009, 06:45 AM
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Just a quick note about our latest challenge!

I come from a very mono, vanilla background. Not sexually repressed, just one where sexuality is lower key, more private between couples. Redpepper comes from a background of much greater diversity and openness about sexuality.

My tendency to shut down when she spoke of sexually natured things we could go see and she is interested was initially interpreted as me judging the people in her life and the sex positive environment.

We had a date night recently and the first thing we did was spend a good hour discussing this. I had to explain my reasons for getting quiet so I knew she understood. Basically, the more open approach to sexuality in the sex positive community generated fear in me. A fear of losing her. We identified this and I asked her to help me become more knowledgeable and comfortable in her community, as I have chosen a life with her, which puts a distance between my own past community.

She is extremely patient in letting me become more comfortable with this new world. Her husband and other Love are also very understanding. I worried about putting a damper on all of their fun in certain things but am accepting that this is not the case.

I am pushing myself to be more comfortable in a sex positive environment but will not do anything I think will harm my connection with her. This is not about polyamory, multiple loves or about having sex. It is about not only accepting different interests, but also being comfortable around them in a healthy way with her and her Husband.

Once again communication takes us to another level. The benefits are huge! I am even more in love with her. She is so doomed

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 07-30-2009 at 02:21 PM.
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  #33  
Old 07-30-2009, 05:59 PM
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Just for the record that massage HURT!

You are more doomed...
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  #34  
Old 07-30-2009, 06:09 PM
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Odd how your pain sounds are so close to your pleasure sounds..HEHEE!! Bring on the doom Baby!!
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  #35  
Old 07-31-2009, 05:18 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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Fantastic! Mutual doom!!!! Doesn't get any better than that people!
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  #36  
Old 08-02-2009, 06:07 PM
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This all makes SO MUCH SENSE. Thank you for sharing the methods you all use, the feelings behind them, and the beautiful sense of well being and love that results from challenging our lesser selves who have been told so many lies about how we are to relate to one another.

I was raised in a very religious born-again and many times judgmental community, but it was not without lots of love for me as the person I am. I have repaired my thinking on how to relate to my family to a great extent-without subscribing to their religious theology and "moral" standards.

But I remember as a child in church feeling the sense of fellowship and love felt by many towards one goal as a community of support, and study, and growth.

I never thought this correlation would be possible, but as I learn about polyamory, hear these lovely stories of higher being, experience the lifting of burdens and negativity that have resulted from my husband and I talking about love in this way - I think it is the closest feeling to spiritual euphoria I have felt since I was a small child.

Amazing journey is right. We are all brave to strive for such sophisticated personal evolution. So many never even reach for it.

I was so wrong for most of my life when I thought I'd have to be alone in order to explore this life choice. It seems the polar opposite it true- and ain't that grand.
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  #37  
Old 08-03-2009, 12:38 AM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rarechild View Post
I was so wrong for most of my life when I thought I'd have to be alone in order to explore this life choice. It seems the polar opposite it true- and ain't that grand.
Amen - from a very non-religious woman.
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  #38  
Old 08-03-2009, 03:25 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rarechild View Post
I was raised in a very religious born-again and many times judgmental community, but it was not without lots of love for me as the person I am. I have repaired my thinking on how to relate to my family to a great extent-without subscribing to their religious theology and "moral" standards.
I was reared in a Nazarene church--very judgmental. Everybody at church always spoke of love, yet they always limited it so very much. Had to be the right sort of love with the right sort of people done in the right sort of way. Seemed to me that they just didn't really understand what they were talking about, as they were so very afraid of it.

When everything was within their little boundaries, though, there was a great deal of warmth and caring. Stray outside the lines and that evaporated quickly.

I think my mother doesn't want to know much about my love life because she can easily practice denial by pretending that I'm married like everybody else and nothing more. I don't hide anything from her, though I don't try to keep her updated on what's going on. Should she get bent out of shape, well, I don't have to deal with her on those terms. She can play nice or play by herself.
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  #39  
Old 08-03-2009, 06:02 AM
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Hi everyone. I just got back from a BBQ with Redpepper and family at another poly identified family's house. This is the third get together for me and I thought I would pass the experience on. First of all, this is not an intimate relationship; it is part of a like-minded community being built.

I will be honest in saying there is still some of the "third wheel" thoughts going on for me even though they are just friends. Like when we went to play bocce ball and we had five adults..I called it a “poly quandary” LOL! There were actually times where I thought "this will never be normal to me" and “why is a mono guy hanging out with all these poly people”.

I never doubt my love for Redpepper or her family, just the social differences of our approaches and backgrounds and in fact how we love differently. It's very hard to accept I am actually moving into a whole new social circle sometimes. I also admit I have moments of missing my old monogamous, vanilla cracker social environment. Black and white is a comfortable place even though the depth is not there usually.

Now, moving on. I had a very good time! I played lots with both their kids and we all played back yard games together. Redpepper was surprised to see that I, like her husband, played a game called "hackey sac" when I was younger. We had a very good time and I feel my friendship with her husband growing constantly. I love knowing he would be a great friend regardless.

Even though I wasn't as affectionate as Redpepper would have liked I think she truly enjoyed seeing her men together and both families enjoying each other's company. Another great evening!!
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  #40  
Old 08-03-2009, 01:55 PM
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Glad you had such a good time after all Mono! Sounds like a blast.
lol just wondering... how old are you and Redpeppers husband? Hackey sac was VERY popular when I was a teen. I was quite good at it back then too.
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