My pink husband
In December I will celebrate 30 years of marriage to my husband, lets call him C. Our relationship has been turbulent for many reasons, one of them being that he kept having affairs with other women behind my back. Our 2 children contributed to keeping the marriage going. Some 14 years ago C started to get interested in polyamory, hearing about it because we lived in USA for a year. With a lot of inner and outer stress in my life at the time, this was beyond my capacity to grasp, but as years went by I understood that the concept was very deeply rooted in him and to make a long story short: 3 years ago we decided to take a break so that he could explore poly without me. We live in a country in Europe where a poly lifestyle in no ways can be considered a movement, like in the USA. In spite of this, he did find a woman whom he established a relationship with, one who also explored polyamory and who already had one other male relationships going on. A month after he initiatied his new relationship he invited me to join the "group", and to my own enormous surprise, I accepted the offer after one nights shivering and crying. In this way I have been an arm in a fmfm N for 2.5 years. I have met C's girlfriend some 3 - 4 times in these years, but we do not have regular contact and we have struggled with liking each other.
So, why tell you all this. It's meant as an intro to a question I have. After a night with his girlfriend, C looks pink. A pink color is floating around him. Pink is a nice color, and a love color, so I guess it's a tribute to the quality of his relationship with her. However, it distracts me, to a degree where I have big problems being mindfull, present in the moment. The pink aura around him takes approximately 2 days to disappear. Then he is "normal" again. C has accepted that this happens, so we have ended up organizing our poly life partly according to this. The two days following a stay with his girlfriend, he lives alone. Then we meet. In practical life this means he sees her either Mondays or Tuesdays or both, then he has some days midweek on his own, and then we two are together in the weekends.
Does this sound crazy? I would truly like to know if anyone else has experienced anything similar, and if so, how they have handled it. I want to emphasise that I'm not an especially psychic person. I'm open for suggestions that I'm unconsciously manipulating C because I've more or less been dragged into a poly life, but I don't think that is the whole answer.
Another time I would like to tell about other expericens these 2.5 years, e.g. about my jealousy, a lot of mess, but also the thrills, and the deepening of C's and my relationship. But not now. I would like input to the questions above, simply because I have never seen the issue raised in any of the poly web-sites I follow.