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  #11  
Old 08-04-2010, 09:59 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Depth does not come without last names etc. How can that be? That's just BS if you ask me.

Ya, you have every right to put your foot down and say absolutely not. Your whole entire family will get pulled into a whirlwind of drama, bad energy and just plain ol negativity. Why? Because your husband is impatient and can't tell the difference anymore between a real opportunity and the devil herself?

I don't care what her story is, there is no reason for her to stay in her marriage at all. She has destroyed just as much as he has. Even if her reason to stray is that he beats her every night I think. Cheating is just as bad to me, it destroys the fabric of our trust of another and I would wager that it will destroy trust in your relationship too if he does this.

Casual relationships are much better pure and with integrity I have learned. This will never have any of that and all he will get is the chance to fuck someone the whole town has fucked by the sounds of it.

I'm sorry I am coming across so strongly. If you have done a search and read anything about my opinion on this and history with it, you will see why. I'm sorry if my calling this woman the devil herself offends (Mono is sitting by me telling me that is a strong word. He's catholic, perhaps its stronger for some ), I just really feel strongly that anyone who thinks ten years of affairs is something to be proud of and is cheating on a husband, a family, a boyfriend and herself is just completely lost.

I would run. I would run very fast and never respond again with anything more than you feel sorry for her and think she really should check her values.
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  #12  
Old 08-04-2010, 10:35 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Somebody owes me a farm.
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  #13  
Old 08-04-2010, 10:59 PM
HCgirl78 HCgirl78 is offline
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I had wrote a note before i read your reply Red pepper but I feel its the same page, I thought about this all afternoon consumed with it while he slept ( he's on midnight shift)
This is my note to him to go over when he gets up from his nap before he heads to work.

"I feel as long as she's lying to her husband/family that you should email her & say that if she ever comes clean about her secret life to her husband & they either divorce or change to a poly relationship then you regrettably have to cut contact with her. He may not know at this point but in good conscience you cannot be with her in any way, no text or emails. do you really want to be one of 9 that helped destroy her marriage and hurt her kids?
She is obviously unhappy for many years in her life & you shouldn't be part of the complications that allow her to think this is ok to do.She should talk to her husband about her desires and how she feels in their marriage now, maybe they will divorce maybe they will open up and find a life they enjoy together and apart as we do. he may not react like you did but she won't know until she TALKS to him!!
So at this point I feel all contact should end but if her relationship status did change I would be ok with her contacting you and revisiting the idea still no guarantee I would agree to her as a partner.
I would really prefer a person(s) that we can hang out at all times with families but have our side perk still kept discrete .
I am sorry I feel this way but nothing will change it, what we have is different it is not an AFFAIR, we wouldn't be the couple we are without our trust, openness and honesty so here i am putting it all out there.
You will find a woman that suits our lifestyle and is ok with it, yes it could take time but I am here along the way and just feel that continuing on with her goes against all we believe and stand for in our home."

so now to wait till he reads it, but I think I got everything across I wanted to and I know he won't go against my wishes and will not pursue her any further but I still want to hear his thoughts...then read his good bye email which I offered to help write as well

thank you for the blunt and honest replies, its what I want and expect when I come here, not a sugar coated reply that is not my style...be real and make me see all sides as sometimes I know I don't, so thank you!

C
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  #14  
Old 08-04-2010, 11:17 PM
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Good for you! Sounds like you have your head on straight. I hope he thanks you for that later.

Bluntness is fine, as a dose of reality is helpful sometimes. The truck is to keep it respectful. Hard to do on this topic for me. Mono had yet another long talk about it after. Always s journey. If he wants any further reassurance that the best course is as you laid it out, there is certainly lots to read on here. Yours is not an uncommon thread.
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  #15  
Old 08-04-2010, 11:28 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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I agree, you might want to invite your husband to read here. He doesn't have to register to read.

You should also check out xeromag.com. Lots of good stuff on there.
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  #16  
Old 08-04-2010, 11:46 PM
HCgirl78 HCgirl78 is offline
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thanks Ygirl I will check that out.

now any tips for his online profile that could help us seek out what we are really wanting and not finding women who are hiding affairs or just don't handle our lifestyle well well actually any tips at all...I am ready to kick him out of the house once in awhile just to go to a club and see if he comes across a woman that way rather than online. He's dealt with bots too that try to get you to sign up to different sites but blocks those quick but it only adds to his frustration that he feels and I am starting to feel as well...for him.
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  #17  
Old 08-04-2010, 11:55 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Hmm... This forum is not typically lucrative when it comes to personal ads. I've been on here for over a year and I just responded to one in my area for the first time!

Are you on OK Cupid? I'm not, but it does come highly recommended around here.

Having said that, I want to tell you how I personally feel about "all this":

Polyamory and "alternative lifestyles" are all just grooovy (with 3 o's), but consider yourself extremely fortunate that you have ONE good relationship, which is a more than a lot of people have. Every day I am thankful for my husband, and if that is all I get for the rest of my life, I will have nothing to be sorry for.
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  #18  
Old 08-05-2010, 03:12 AM
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I have found in our journey that the best way to find suitable partners is to find like minded people and that only happened when we started talking to our friends and others what we wanted to accomplish. I was amazed at who supported our idea and who didn't. Now I have a community of responsible non-monogamous people around me. Everyone is in it from swingers to poly fi. Older, younger, different gender identifications and abilities. We all hang out together or separately because we found each other to have similar values. I met them on dating sites and we decided to start community.
There is no reason to be alone. I started a womens group because I wasn't getting my need met to have female friends to talk about my relation ships with. I have friends on here now too. I have arranged to meet several forum friends now who are in my area. It starts to come together when I open my heart to what's beyond just hooking up. Its a whole lifestyle change to find something decent and lasting with others.

I would be inclined to be your friend on fb as a start. I'm very descreet on there and who knows what paths many cross as a result. Its all about getting out there and seeing where it goes (I'm not available as a partner however as I am more than filled with lovelies ).
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Last edited by redpepper; 08-05-2010 at 07:05 AM.
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  #19  
Old 08-05-2010, 07:34 AM
FireChild FireChild is offline
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OKCupid is turning up some interesting prospects for me.

Your husband is letting the fact he's having a hard time finding someone blind him to the fact that she's not being honest in her marriage. I mean you said yourself he'd already shot down someone else for being married and not honest.

Kudos to you for being honest with yourself and with him and setting him straight.
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  #20  
Old 08-05-2010, 02:46 PM
HCgirl78 HCgirl78 is offline
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Well his email is sent to her, asking that unless her status changes to not contact him. That being with her further just goes against what he believes. We did have a good talk and I feel much better knowing I don't have to deal with her but at the same time for sad that she lives such a lie to her husband and kids, I don't get why someone would want to continue to live so unhappy.
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