Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-30-2010, 12:44 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,130
Default Love -- finite or infinite?

I often hear from polies that they have an infinite capacity for love.

I don't buy it.

I'm not saying they're lying, I think they just haven't reached their limit yet.

I mean, there are a LOT of numbers between 1 and infinity, and only 24 hours in the day, 16 of which are usually spent working and sleeping, during which time you're not doing a lot of lovin'!

It's not even possible to KNOW infinitely many people, never mind love them!

Thoughts?
__________________
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-30-2010, 12:52 AM
FireChild FireChild is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Jax, FL, USA
Posts: 125
Default

I feel like when you're in a relationship you have to give a portion of yourself to it and there's only so much of it to give. Like...after a while (depending on the life you lead) it begins to not be fair to the people you're dating if you date too many (for you),
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-30-2010, 12:56 AM
jkelly jkelly is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 168
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I often hear from polies that they have an infinite capacity for love.

...

It's not even possible to KNOW infinitely many people, never mind love them!
Just to clarify, are you actually talking about someone saying that they could love an infinite number of people? If that's the case, I can imagine why you're skeptical; there's some sort of metaphysics going on there that's hard to grasp.

But really, if someone were to say to me "I have an infinity capacity for love", I'd think that meant "I am not going to 'run out' of love", which I think is a pretty reasonable statement.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-30-2010, 02:02 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,130
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jkelly View Post
Just to clarify, are you actually talking about someone saying that they could love an infinite number of people? If that's the case, I can imagine why you're skeptical; there's some sort of metaphysics going on there that's hard to grasp.

But really, if someone were to say to me "I have an infinity capacity for love", I'd think that meant "I am not going to 'run out' of love", which I think is a pretty reasonable statement.
I was struggling to figure out what I meant, as I wrote it.

Yes, it's completely obvious that no one can love an infinite number of people (except for some kind of spiritual sense).

"Not going to 'run out' of love"... When you put it that way, it does sound pretty reasonable. But then, why doesn't everyone claim to have an infinite capacity for love?

Do some people believe they are going to run out of love?

When Mono talks about the fact that if he ever finds himself loving someone else, it means he's stopped loving the other person, does that mean he only has a finite amount of love? [[sorry to put you on the spot, Mono]]
__________________
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 07-30-2010, 02:07 AM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Squamish, BC
Posts: 790
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
"Not going to 'run out' of love"... When you put it that way, it does sound pretty reasonable. But then, why doesn't everyone claim to have an infinite capacity for love?
Because for some people they want to focus their love on a finite number of people.

A flame shared does not diminish itself - but for some people - its easier just holding on to one or two candles
__________________
Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create


My Journey to Health and Fitness
My Journey as a Widow

Jane
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-30-2010, 02:17 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,130
Default

OoOoO...fire! Good analogy!

When you add more fuel to a fire, not only does the new log burn, but the old log burns hotter!
__________________
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 07-30-2010, 02:40 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post

Thoughts?
I love Redpepper more and more. I think my love for her is infinite. I do have an finite number of people I can love intimately though. 1.

Intimate love is a completely different thing than the kind of love I have for other people though.
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 07-30-2010, 02:43 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by marksbabygirl View Post

A flame shared does not diminish itself - but for some people - its easier just holding on to one or two candles
A flame shared for some has a beginning and an end....that's how I work. It has nothing to do with anything else. I love one person at a time.
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 07-30-2010, 02:45 AM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Vegas, Baby!
Posts: 348
Default

I seem to have a pretty infinite ability to love.

I also have discovered that 3 relationships is near the ragged edge of my daily ability to stay sane. Frankly if all 3 weren't so committed to each others' well being as well as the relationship as a whole, a triad would be hard enough, nevermind whatever we have now (a triad with a an arm of sorts I guess).

So both points are valid. A flame shared does not diminish itself; adding fuel to the fire makes the old log burn hotter; but there's only so much fuel to throw on, or one persson may only fan so many flames, lol.

I coud see where adding more males or bi/les females could divide the labor so to speak, but maintaining a level of intimacy and connection on a relationship level between any one person and the group as a whole - 3 is my limit!
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 07-30-2010, 06:10 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,156
Default

I really like the thoughts here.

I don't believe that I could "run out of love" but I do know people who DO believe that.

AND

I do know that there is a limit to how many people I can be intimately involved with because MY expectations for how much I put into the relationships is high and I can't uphold my expectations if there are more than 2-3.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:03 AM.