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  #21  
Old 07-29-2010, 08:06 PM
Ilove2men Ilove2men is offline
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P.S. Excuse the typos! I'm on my phone.

Another thing sprang up for me when I used the word symptom. She should be prepared for anything when she talks to him about it. It could be laziness. It could be an emotional disconnect. But it could be something much more personal for him. For me (I called it my icky can of worms) when I decided to look into why I had an emotional wall up it was because of sexual abuse. Abuse that I thought I had healed completely. I didn't think I had any issues with sex, but I was wrong and it took me digging into that with alot of tearful and sometimes dark/angry discussions AND alot of my fiance holding me in a non invasive way for me to finally drop my emotional guard. Now if the case with him is something deeper who knows if he's willing to touch that with a ten foot pole. If he is willing to dig deeper she needs to prepare to be patient and understanding as he goes through a process of discovery. In the end it's very much worth the work because I did achieve it. I'm just working on getting it back after a very bad summer.
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  #22  
Old 07-29-2010, 08:38 PM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilove2men View Post
... it took me digging into that with alot of tearful and sometimes dark/angry discussions AND alot of my fiance holding me in a non invasive way for me to finally drop my emotional guard..
Yeah....I also am a survivor of sexual assault and then went on to years of sexual promiscuity. When I finally found a partner that I wanted to be with long term, I had to deal with my sexuality also. I would have emotional flashbacks which would take me to a time when either I was being forced to have sex against my will, or a time when I was having meaningless sex. Either way- it didn't feel good for me, so I found myself wanting to avoid sex completely. My therapist was the one to say that I had to deal with my own issues which had caused me to shut down.....and yes, it was a can of worms, but worth it because if a person wants to have a fulfilling life of emotional/sexual connection these things must be done!!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilove2men
... Now if the case with him is something deeper who knows if he's willing to touch that with a ten foot pole. If he is willing to dig deeper she needs to prepare to be patient and understanding as he goes through a process of discovery. In the end it's very much worth the work because I did achieve it. I'm just working on getting it back after a very bad summer.
Good for you!! I haven't had a negative emotional flashback in over 15 years, so it is possible to put this stuff to rest once and for all!! My partner did have to put up with a lot during the years of my working on things, and then I eventually left her. We are still friends and I hope she doesn't regret those years or feel that she got the "short end of the stick" or anything. Anyway...keep up the good work!!
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  #23  
Old 07-29-2010, 08:48 PM
Ilove2men Ilove2men is offline
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Thanks a bunch and good luck to your friend and her partner!
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