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  #51  
Old 07-24-2010, 05:36 PM
DharmaBum23 DharmaBum23 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive View Post

I like this thread.

Regarding a previous post about frequency of breakups, arguments, etc...

I think that's actually pretty off-base. In my experience and from my observations of others:

Arguments are FAR less common AND less severe. Communication is SO key to all this, that if a poly relationship gets anywhere near serious or long term, talking aout everything, all the time, and respecting each others seemingly most trivial feelings becomes second nature. Should on erupt with 3 or 4 people all disagreeing, or heavan forbid 2 or 3 people ganging up on one, I can see the point. But in our house I can assure you that this has never happened. Our patterns of open communication mean molehills usually get dealt with while they're anthills, much less mountains. Our biggest arguments might rate a small foothill. More often than not, 2 people disagree and the 3rd and/or 4th act as mediators and facilitators - very rarely does an issue arise that all parties have an interest in worth arguing about. Those occasions where something affects all of us are even easier to deal with becuase they get found out that much faster. Mono's have it MUCH harder here IMHO. Now, just for the sake of saing it, my house is me and 3 women - so I'm VERY careful not to make "typical guy" mistakes, LMAO! 3 pissed of girlfriends all in the same house - no thank you.
When I was in a poly household with three guys and one girl, we tried to do that. For us, we learned very quickly that the level of communication you are talking about was painfully tedious for us(I swear that on separate occasions all of us wanted to claw our own eyes out). Hours and hours of "when you say *blah* I feel *blah* " and "I am feeling *blah* about *blah* ".

Quote:
Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive View Post

Breakups - statistically, I bet they happen with about the same frequency. But in established poly groups, i don't see much in the way of breaakups. Usually a "growing apart" as people gravitate to another primary or some such; even core couples can grow apart peacably when there's a lot of love around and everyone is communicating! Indeed, I think mono's have it MUCH harder in this arena as well!
Well, that's the thing. In the case of poly people, you can either have more breakups because you have more relationships or you can break up extremely rarely(being poly really does mean never having to say it's over). I will concede that I have heard of some poly communities where breakups are extremely rare and people just sortof drift apart. I'm not sure if that is a better solution though. There is no sense of closure, no finality. This, however, is much more a personal thing than an absolute judgement.


Quote:
Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive View Post

Spontaneity - Getting the whole group to work something out together is about the same as any group of adults - work schedules and whatnot all come into play. But with advanc planning, big things with the group can be done same as any family reunion or office party, and smaller things not involving the whole group are easier (we're lucky, all 3 girls now work together & my schedule is completely flexible, so we're not a good example, lol).
But if you are having to consult work scheduels and what not, then it is no longer really spontaneous.
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  #52  
Old 07-24-2010, 05:54 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Well, life in general is not all about teddy-bears, unicorns, and farting rainbows. Why should "poly relationships" be any different?
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  #53  
Old 07-24-2010, 06:12 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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It's not? Bummer. I was so excited about the farting rainbows too. LOL
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  #54  
Old 07-24-2010, 06:17 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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I meant that poly relationships are not some kind of escape from reality. That's what god invented ethanol for.
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  #55  
Old 07-25-2010, 06:51 AM
dragonflysky dragonflysky is offline
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In general women tend towards communication and cooperation. (Females language skills tend to develop at a younger age then males.) Men have been more geared towards competition. (Testosterone is alive and well, in addition to societal conditioning.)

I recognize that this does NOT apply to all women or all men. But, it may be a contributing factor to woman adjusting to/accommodating/initiating poly relationships.
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  #56  
Old 07-26-2010, 03:36 AM
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Thunderlizard Thunderlizard is offline
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My wife has been poly for years, just never found the relationship that works with it until... she explained poly. It made sense to why I hadn't been terribly happy in previous relationships.

Now me.. male/poly.
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  #57  
Old 07-27-2010, 03:49 AM
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racer812 racer812 is offline
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I think that poly relationships would take ,like, a hundred thousand times more energy. I dont think I could divide my energy up like that. ugh! Makes my head hurt. I have enough problems with one relationship, let alone multiple.
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  #58  
Old 07-27-2010, 07:21 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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poly, female
husband, likes flirting with women and more interested in the concept of casual sex than the actual act

Uhm, one other thing, if you're basing your opinion on this forum... for some reason, there are a lot of guys on here whom I always thought were girls until they made some comment that made me check their profile and realize they were dudes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
I sure am glad beth and I walked into this together, if I tried "dragging" her into anything I believe she might go all bobbit on my ass.
Your penis is on your ass? That must make for some really interesting sex positions....
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  #59  
Old 07-27-2010, 01:26 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Your penis is on your ass? That must make for some really interesting sex positions....
This made me chuckle this morning. Thank you.


Oh yeah, me: male-polyfidelous....Wife..female-polyfidelous
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  #60  
Old 07-27-2010, 02:51 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by racer812 View Post
I think that poly relationships would take ,like, a hundred thousand times more energy.:
Having been married mongamously for 18 years and having been in a poly relationship for about 20 months, I can honestly say (in my experience) you are absolutely right LOL!

The difference was that in my monogamous relationship, the relationship was the stable, unchanging pillar from which I took on other adventures. But the relationship was not the focus. It was like your house; you wake up knowing it is around you, go to work knowing it is there and come home fulliy expecting it to be in the same condition it was when you left. Of course an earthquake or flood may have destroyed it but you don't think about it. You have faith in the home's consistency and security.

I find that in poly, the relationships are the focus. That is what the bulk of time seems to be taken up with. This is not a negative, but it is a shifting in focus which takes some time to adjust to. It can be extremely rewarding but if you are not into a relationship focussed life than it would be very taxing I'm sure.

This is just my experience though...all mine
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