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  #11  
Old 07-27-2010, 05:13 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FireChild View Post
Your wife is wise.

Y'all's story is really interesting. Thanks for sharing!
Awww Thanks, lots of hard lessons behind that wisdom. But I've always felt if I've learned something, it was worth living through.
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  #12  
Old 08-13-2010, 03:17 AM
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Been awhile since I was on here, at least on my own blog.

Things with the GF's other men have been relatively taken care of - the one we were all worried about is no longer in her life (and posibly not in mine, turns out he wasn't quite as good a friend as I thought he was.)

And the other..... it's wierd, but I guess in a good way. Last weekend was his weekend with her, and he pretty much got screwed out of it by her familial obligations. I actually felt bad about it, so much so that I called them earlier to make sure that they had gotten together today (she's spending yesterday until Friday with him) without anything getting in the way. I was actually going to offer to go pick her up and drop her off at his place, if neccessary.

Wierdness. Still upset with the guy for the crap he pulled with me and Mohegan, still kinda concerned about how attached he is to her in some ways... but it bugs me if they don't get time together now. Not sure what to make of that.
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  #13  
Old 08-13-2010, 06:37 AM
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Just wanted to say happy mini Anniversary. Today is Friday the 13th in case you didn't know. Thank you for sticking it out with me. For patience. For honestly. For love. For snoogles. And for spending the day cleaning. I can honestly say I love you more now then that cold Friday the 13th in Jan '06 when I promised for better or worse. I love discovering those betters as we walk out of the worse holding hands.
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  #14  
Old 08-15-2010, 12:15 PM
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Confused, greatly.

Two weeks or so ago, Mohegan told me that I needed to be more affectionate with the the GF around her. OK, I thought, I can do that. So, tonight, she tells me that seeing us curl up together in the living room to go to sleep hurts her.

What?

So what exactly am I supposed to be doing, then? GF and I have stayed up prety much the whole night because I can't sleep, partially because sleeping in the living room is... inconvienient (the couch kills her hips and my back, and the papazan is big enough for one, we found out), but mainly because my mind wouldn't stop racing, and she can't sleep if I can't. I feel like no matter what I do, I'm doing the wrong thing. I feel like the only way to fix it and make Mohegan happy is to leave GF. And no, she hasn't asked me to do that, and I don't think she would. I just don't understand any other way to stop hurting her at this point, aside from showing no affection at all towards GF.

I have no idea why things suddenly changed. We just went from spending an entire week together and her being totally OK with GF spending the night over here and being affectionate with me to this. Did I do something wrong? Did I not do something right? I don't know.

I have no idea what to do.
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  #15  
Old 08-15-2010, 01:43 PM
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Nothing changed. I told you then as I told you last night...yes it hurts, but it is something I need to deal with and I am not going to deal with it if I don't see it. No I'm not going to ask you to leave her, because I don't want you to. But just a thought, I was up all night, bedroom door open and light on. If it was bothering you that much, maybe you should come and talked to me. You wanted me to be open with you and tell you were I was. I was hurting and I told you that. What do you want from me? I avoided telling you b/c I knew it would upset you, and that upset you as well. I don't have the answers or the understanding of where it is coming from, so all I can do is tell you how I am feeling. If someone else has an idea, as I posted on my blog, I am all for hearing it, cuz I'm at a loss for answers.

BTW, we do have an airmatress unless you lost it at campout. It was brand new and I haven't seen it since the last one, so it may make sleeping a bit easier, if you know where it is, just a thought.

Last edited by Mohegan; 08-15-2010 at 01:45 PM.
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  #16  
Old 08-19-2010, 08:25 PM
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Apparently, sex is The Great Catalyst for having the mother of all introspective conversations

Mohegan and I... well, let's just say we had a VERY good night last night . So, after we have collapsed beside each other, she askes me if I'm OK with the fact that it may take a long while for her to get the extra weight off.

I smell a trap

Generally, Mohegan does not "ask" things like this, she explains the realities of the situation she is currently in. However , this week has been kinda bad for her, due to injuring her chronically-damaged knee. This led to a near giving-up on weight loss, at least in her brain, and then, after bingeing on cookies she made for me, she got herself nominally together.

I explained to her that we need to treat her knee and ankle like the chronically damaged body parts that they are.... that they would never be the same again, because of what Ballet had done to her body....

.... and she just went to pieces on me.

So, it turns out that she's been carrying this dream of being a choreographer for broadway since she was like, 13. She never told me, not once. She kinda knew that it would never happen, but still held onto it. And I, not knowing any better, shoved reality right down her throat.

I kinda understand why she never told me about it. I've said for years that (gods forbid) if I have daughters, they will NEVER do Ballet. Other dance, sure. Sports, school band, drama club, martial arts, that's all good. But I have NEVER seen something as completely destructive, both physically and emotionally, and Ballet. There is no respect for the dancer at all. Between stories from her about her instructors stepping on her knees so she would have the 'perfect silohette', to stories from my GF (another Ballet daner) about how one of the girls she danced with put shards of broken glass in the toe shoes of another girl to destroy her career, simply because she danced better..... no, No, HELL NO, my daughters will not do that. I'd much rather they get a broken nose in some martial arts class, or become cheerleaders (gag, but if that's what they want...), or whatever.

Yeah, with an outlook like that, no wonder she never told me about her dream, right?

So, I'm left with this accidentally broken Mohegan, lots of Mohegan tears, and a whole lot of guilt for, as I percieve it, causing this by shoving reality down her throat.

But, as we slowly started putting things together and picking up the pieces, it turned out to be one of the best - and most needed - conversations we've ever had. We got to analyse all sorts of things about each other. I'm glad we had sex BEFORE the three hours of deep, deep mutual self analysis, but I'm also really glad we spent the next three hours in conversation. We unburied a lot of things. Now we get to work on setting them right.

But, the first step to fixing something is knowing that it's broken, right? One step at a time
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  #17  
Old 08-19-2010, 09:26 PM
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I love you. I am so freaking lucky. Thank you for last night. I have told you about my little dream, but I've known it would never happen, so I never made a big deal out of it. I knew it wouldn't happen the day I was diagnosed with fibro, the day I realized the exhaustion and the pain wouldn't go away with medicine. I guess I just never let myself "deal" with the fall out from that. But you were amazing with how you said things and the questions you asked. I needed that reality shoved in my face. So thanks babe, and thanks for the help you've promised. It means a lot.
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  #18  
Old 08-28-2010, 08:25 AM
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Went out to visit a few friends tonight. Mohegan had a conversation with the female (they're a couple), and they came to the conclusion that they don't like my GF because of "the vibe they get from her".

What The Fuck!??!

If I actually understand things correctly, the friend actually said that she doesn't know why she doesn't like my GF, but that she isn't welcome in her home. What the hell is this? How do you dislike someone that much, when you can blatantly say that you don't know why you don't like them?

So now Mohegan can't tell me why she doesn't like my GF, other than she "doesn't like the vibe she gets from her", and that "she sets me on edge when she's around".

I asked Mohegan what GFs done wrong. She didn't give me an answer.

Makes me wonder if she/they do have a reason, and just dont want to tell me what it is. Honestly, I thought Mohegan and I were past bullshit like that, but nothing else makes any sense to me. If that isn't the case, then I'm just supposed to accept the fact that my GF has done something to be hated, just by existing. Or, in my opinion, because she's a part of my life. Honestly, I think that's the reason they "don't like her" for "no reason".

Fuck this. I'm all for working out problems, talking things through, seeing things from the other perspective, ect. I've tried everything I know how to, to work this out. No matter what I do, what 'revelation' we come to, there's always some new thing that comes up, some new bullshit problem that wasn't there before, that I need to 'understand' and 'consider'. Now, there's no excuse that can be thrown my way, there's just naked, reasonless dislike being thown around at someone I love, who hasn't done anything wrong.

I'm done playing nice, and I'm done not defending her.
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  #19  
Old 09-05-2010, 07:38 AM
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I just wanted to thank you for your love and support. I think I've had a bit of breakthrough tonight, and it's because of you. I think part of the problem has been my fear, irrational as it may be, that this was a one sided thing. That if I did start seeing someone, things with us would get bad. You're support helping me with the OKC account and screening people showed me that isn't the case. I guess I felt in the past, that if we did it together, it wouldn't take anything away from us. But I'm begining to see what it can offer us. How it can broaden our relationship, not take away from us. I'm still working it all out, but another baby step forward has been made. I'm still not sure about how I feel about g/f, but I'm pretty sure of how I feel about the two of you together. Not saying I won't backslide again, but I hope not. We just need to keep talking and communicating. Finding other things to fill my time, has been a huge help. I just got so stuck on this is a problem and I must find the solution, that I lost track of everything else. Without you pushing me, I'd still be walking in circles. I didn't see how getting out and doing something else would help me solve the problem. But it gave my brain a rest and chance to put pieces together and put things in perspective. I love you. I am so greatful for the way you get me, for your patience, support and love. You're my world monkey love,I'm so glad we decided to make this work, instead of giving up on it. Thank you!

Last edited by Mohegan; 09-06-2010 at 03:58 AM.
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  #20  
Old 09-11-2010, 03:02 AM
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4 months ago I was planning our divorce, while trying to figure out how to save us. It's been a rough road. But tonight, I see a future. We haven't just saved our marriage, you've helped save me. Thank you for pulling me out of the caverns of my own mind. For stopping my downward spiral. For showing me the strength I lost. I feel like I've been my most vulnerable in the last few months, and yet again you've proven to me that you're here, and you love me, and we're strong enough to fight whatever comes across our path. I'm sitting here tonight and for the first time in a long time, I'm not counting down the hours til you're home. I'm not wondering what you're doing. Yes I miss you, and I miss our time together, but I'm happy that you're happy. I've had my first real glimpse of compersion. And it's thanks to you, and your amazing ability to hold a mirror in front of my face and forcing me to see the reality, without me even realizing it. I love you so much. And I am so glad I didn't pack everything up and leave. I am so glad that I was still here when you came home that night 4 months ago. I'm glad we had our night of honesty. I'm glad we communicate so much now that we interupt our favorite tv show to talk. I'm glad we're the "lucky ones".
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