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  #31  
Old 07-26-2010, 12:06 AM
Livingmybestlife Livingmybestlife is offline
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Dragonflysky,

I was just asking if when you discussed your relationship with your guy, if you let him know how you felt about the disregard you felt about your illness.

That they wouldn't even offer to have one come and the other go to the swimmeet.

LYB
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  #32  
Old 07-26-2010, 12:30 AM
rabbit rabbit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonflysky View Post
It may be that since our guy is a nurse who works in the ER and she is a paramedic that their sense of urgency around medical issues is very different because of the critical nature of those they care for.
I think it is very generous for you to be giving them the benefit of the doubt, but it makes me mad on your behalf that two medical workers wouldn't come see you. I worked in a hospital for four years and because of that I would never let anyone I cared about be alone in the hospital. I have seen what insane things can go on (and I was at a top rated teaching hospital, one of the "best" ones) and would never let a loved one navigate that environment without an advocate. Now I'm all ready to kick some ass on your behalf

Anyway, I hope everything works out how you want it to and that they step up and realize what they should have done.
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  #33  
Old 07-26-2010, 02:25 AM
dragonflysky dragonflysky is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Livingmybestlife View Post
Dragonflysky,

I was just asking if when you discussed your relationship with your guy, if you let him know how you felt about the disregard you felt about your illness.

That they wouldn't even offer to have one come and the other go to the swimmeet.

LYB

No I didn't bring up the hospital incident. By the time we finally got to talk it was long done and over with...and I hate dragging up the past.

Part of it is my struggle with asking for help. I have old messages running around in my head about being "too clingy" or "too needy". No one has ever accused me of this, but the thoughts are there. I feel so damn vulnerable when I ask for help. And allowing myself to be more vulnerable is a work in progress for me. I'm making progress, but have a ways to go.

I had told him prior to the whole hospital incident that I felt more like a "secondary" in his life and didn't want to be in that role in a poly relationship. I told him that I wanted to be taken into consideration more in their decision making, to be more of an active partner in it, and that I wanted more than once a week phone contact with him since it's the only way we have to communicate regularly. (He's not fond of email. I had already made the request for more frequent contact....with him taking more initiative in making calls...a few months before that. He said he would try and do better at that time, but it didn't change much.) He told me he didn't intend for me to feel that way, and that the type of poly relationships he and his current partner were seeking were more as a "polyfamily", "sister-wife", "brother-husband" type of thing.

Sometimes I think that I'm so damn busy trying to be "fair"...and not "selfish"... with everyone else that I'm not fair to myself! (Probably the therapist in me coming out! )
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  #34  
Old 07-26-2010, 08:31 PM
Livingmybestlife Livingmybestlife is offline
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Thanks for answering. I understand where your coming from. Trying to be fair to everyone sometimes results in your needs not being met. Remember in the long wrong if you state you needs in a good way, then you don't have unreal expectations or resentments when unknown needs aren't met.
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  #35  
Old 07-26-2010, 09:00 PM
FireChild FireChild is offline
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My husband hates hospitals. His father went on a trip and his mother snuck and had him committed. (She lied and said he threatened and attempted to kill himself.) There was a paperwork error and he got stuck in the next state over for about a week until his dad could get him out. The facility he went to didn't really focus on therapy and just pumped folks full of drugs. (I'm going somewhere with this I promise.)

Almost two weeks ago I had horrible shoulder pain to the point where I couldn't drive. I went to the ER via ambulance. The hospital is on the same base he works at and I called his job to let him know I was fine, didn't need him there and to make sure to pick me up before he left base.

He RACED to his car. Passed a mutual friend of ours and he told me later he's NEVER seen my husband move like that. Drove to the hospital and was sitting outside of radiology waiting on me. Last week they stuck a needle in my shoulder to inject steroids to reduce inflammation. He was sitting right there in the exam room holding my hand. Even those hospitals make him hyperventilate, he was still there. I asked him about it, because in addition to the fear of hospitals and needles; he was also on duty that day which is a large part of why I asked the person who answered the phone not to have him come. You know what he said?

I joined the military for my family. You're my family and you come first.


You deserve that. It is SHIT that he didn't even express upset that he couldn't be there for you. SHIT. You deserve to be the primary you're looking to be and as for the behavior at the event...unless you've established a set up as a submissive that's some mess. Yall are all adults and they treated you like a child. Bunk.

Last edited by FireChild; 07-26-2010 at 09:03 PM.
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  #36  
Old 07-28-2010, 06:31 AM
dragonflysky dragonflysky is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FireChild View Post
...You deserve to be the primary you're looking to be......
Thanks for the reminder and support, FireChild. I do deserve it! I have a lot to offer the right person(s) and relationship(s).
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  #37  
Old 07-28-2010, 06:35 AM
FireChild FireChild is offline
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No problem! :hugs
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