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Old 07-23-2010, 10:51 PM
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monaural monaural is offline
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Default Some good development in my mono-poly story

I've posted here a bit about my mono self dating a poly girl and my apprehensions thereof. The responses and reading up elsewhere on the site really helped turn my sense of jealousy and confusion around (thanks, peeps!)

Last weekend, I went on a camping trip with lots of my friends, including my new girlfriend and her other main partner, who is a guy I've been friends with for a while (and actually dated my last major girlfriend before she and I got together- a funny thing.

I was nervous about how things would go, how he and I would interact, etc. I spent a good deal of time with both of them, laying on a blanket in the sun, swimming, and such, and honestly I feel like I got to know and appreciate both he and she better.

By the end, there was a sense of mutual closeness that I didn't predict would happen. He has gone from a somewhat distant friend to somebody I really enjoy being with.

She spent some of her time with me in a girlfriend-y capacity, and some of her time with him. Things just moved organically, and I found myself feeling a profound sense of well-being and, dare I say, compersion, when I'd look over and see them sitting with friends, looking happy together. What the hell is happening to me! I should be seething with jealous rage, right?

This happy satisfaction may not always stay, I understand, but right now, I'm marveling at it. She's continued to be her wonderful, caring, alluring self, and I am dealing with this with a maturity I thought beyond me. She and I are great together. I feel a lot of love in this.

It's always good when life throws you a challenge and you're able to grow and change to get past it.

One last thing that still confuses me is that both of us are in our thirties, and I do feel the want to eventually lock in with someone and do some life planning together. It's been a couple of years since my last LTR, and I think I'm ready to be done with this era of single sluttihood and grow up a bit

I don't know that this arrangement allows for such things, and it's too early to broach the subject with her, anyhow. All I know is, I like her an awful lot, and I'm not sure it's healthy for me to keep developing this thing with her if something more serious isn't in the cards.

Say we got married. I'd feel terrible asking her to break it off with her other loves, but I also feel some apprehension with being a married guy with a poly wife. The familial/friend scrutiny that comes with marriage seems like it'd be tough to deflect, even though I'm blessed with open-minded fam/pals.

I guess I'll deal with that issue if and when it becomes a real prospect.
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Old 07-23-2010, 11:09 PM
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compersion, yay!

ya, I would keep those thoughts of marriage and what will happen then at bay until you are sure that it is an issue. who knows, she might want to marry the other guy.

this is a really good post on why people should meet their metamours.
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Old 07-23-2010, 11:30 PM
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monaural monaural is offline
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Yeah, that's entirely true. I guess I'm still used to the old-world model of falling in love, getting more serious, perhaps cohabitating, onward and upward, that I've always existed in. Time will tell. In the meantime I'll just play it by ear and continue to refine my viewpoint on this relationship.
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