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  #11  
Old 07-20-2010, 03:12 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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What I'd really like to understand is "bi curious." I honestly have always believed that anyone who is curious is actually (in their heart) bi, whether or not they want to defy culture, and their past image of themself as "straight." At this point, I don't know if I believe that bi curious really exists. Forgive me if that seems stupid...Can anyone explain this distinction to me?
There is a lot of people that believe that. But it just isn't true. Some girls are bi-curious because it is the *in* thing to be. Some are bi-curious because they have that one time attraction to the same sex. Some are bi-curious because they are truly open to the idea of being bi-sexual, but end up being straight.

I have run into all 3 of the above btw. There are likely other iterations, but those are the ones I have seen living proof of ...I have also been with two girls who were bi-curious, and ended up bi-sexual. One is an ex and the other is my wife.

Dan Savage had a web blog video in regards to something like this. Explaining a straight man having sex, once, with another man does not mean he is gay or bi...it means he had a one off attraction. I can see this happening. I am 100% straight...I have played with one man in my life. I don't foresee myself ever being interested in men and I am definitely straight. I fall into the "I am really open minded and wanted to give it a try"...luckily my best friend was in discovery mode for his sexuality so it worked to both our advantages.
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  #12  
Old 07-20-2010, 04:06 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I have known bi curious women in my time. Or just pretending bi.

The difference being that if a woman feels she should be wearing medical gloves when she is touching a vagina, then perhaps she is straight. I know I am not. There is nothing I like more about women than the thought of their pussies and everything about them. I have been with women that tolerate my touch (usually because their man is watching and he thinks its hot). I'm not doing that again. It made me feel dirty and used. I want to be with women who appreciate a womans body and get turned on by it. Not for a moment, or because they think they should, but because they LOVE women.

This woman does not sound bi, or even kinky! Kinky enough to even try it. She seems to be pushing herself because she is your friend and loves you, but not because she is in love with you. If she was, you would know it by now.

I don't think its because shes conservative. I have known conservative bi women. A person loves what they love. She is just not into you.

If this were me I would love her for who she is, keep your best friend and find a woman that rocks your world as you rock hers. Use this experience as a stepping stone and be happy that you have a good friend that you can lean on when you find a woman to love entirely.
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  #13  
Old 07-20-2010, 05:32 PM
OhioLove OhioLove is offline
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Thanks for the input, Ariakas, on the term "bi curious." Part of the reason why I was confused, is because there seems to be so many manifestations of "bi." Case in point: My husband identifies at "bi"--yet he has never had a sexual encounter with a man. He chooses to label himself bi for political reasons (he believes minorities must come forward, into the spotlight, to gain recognition and rights), but also because he, on a rare occasion, finds a man attractive. But it's never gone past the thoughts in his head. He's open to it, he's just never gotten the chance.

Thanks for the input. I now believe in bi curious. I was just judging her by my husband's standards, I think. It's interesting to me: She has had one hot sexual adventure with a woman (me), and still chooses the label straight. My husband has had zero adventures (except in his head) and embraces the label bi.

Interesting stuff.
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Old 07-20-2010, 05:38 PM
OhioLove OhioLove is offline
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Well, RedPepper, perhaps my post was misleading. She has, on multiple occasions, seemed turned on by my female body. The problem with her, I think, is that she can't get past the idea that monogamy is the ideal. She was only married a year ago. For her, sex is suspect; it's dangerous; it's tinged with sin. So...even though she allows herself to feel attractio to me sometimes...it's always then, later, qualified by pulling back and setting up boundaries and walls.
Does that make sense?

When she was in her comfort zone (the night with her husband and me; the 3 of us) she enjoyed my breasts and she fingered me...which she seemed to enjoy--a lot. Then, when she was out of her confort zone (with me and my husband; away from her husband), she pulled back.

I just wonder if it's a matter of experience. Also, she's a Scorpio. ANd I'm an Aries. Astrologically, I move fast and she moves slow--together, it's a reciple for constant push and pull.

Another aspect to this situation, is that in 2 weeks, she is moving to another state and I am moving to another state. We will be 5 hours apart (driving distance).
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Old 07-20-2010, 06:10 PM
immaterial immaterial is offline
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What I meant to communicate in my other message was a sense that you were expecting sexual behavior from this woman but not really just giving her the space to find her own way. It was this atmosphere of pressure and frustration that felt harassing to me. You seem intent to label her resistance to sex as various forms of pathology or "hang ups" or defects/shortcomings on her part, and I think this will get you nowhere. She is precisely where she is on her path and is ready for exactly what she is doing or not doing. You know what I mean?

I like the advice to just completely give up on the sexual thing with her.

HTH, just my .02.

Immaterial
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  #16  
Old 07-20-2010, 07:11 PM
OhioLove OhioLove is offline
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Immaterial--I see what you are trying to say, and you seem to have picked up on my expectation. Ew, that is a gross and dark side of me.

Yes, I've decided to give up on the sexual thing with her. yup. I'm so glad for this group, to give me some clarity on that.

My question is: Should I tell her about my decision to "give up"? I'm a little torn on that one. I don't want to seem overdramatic...but I also don't want her to come onto me unless she is truly ready to engage with me on a deeper level. Right now she's not ready for what I want, and so I have to back away, romantically (not as a friend). But--do I tell her? And if so, how do I tell her? And should I tell her the door is open when and if she is in a different state of mind? Or...should things just be left unsaid and more free to develop naturally?

Like I said, we're both relocating to different states in 2 weeks.
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  #17  
Old 07-20-2010, 07:15 PM
immaterial immaterial is offline
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It's not a gross, dark side of you, it's just the urgency of sexual desire. Combined with that Aries impatience. :-)

My further two cents: I would have an open, frank discussion with her. I don't see the harm. I think it would help clear a lot of murk.

but again, what do I know? so go with your gut. and good luck!

Immaterial
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  #18  
Old 07-20-2010, 07:18 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by immaterial View Post
What I meant to communicate in my other message was a sense that you were expecting sexual behavior from this woman but not really just giving her the space to find her own way.....

You seem intent to label her resistance to sex as various forms of pathology or "hang ups" or defects/shortcomings on her part, and I think this will get you nowhere. She is precisely where she is on her path and is ready for exactly what she is doing or not doing. You know what I mean?
....
I agree with Immaterial in what he says above.

I think you may have a future, but I wouldn't bank on it. Just because she seemed to enjoy something doesn't mean that she is on the same wave length. I get that you have fallen in love with her, but she is not where you are at it seems. Perhaps she never will be or perhaps she will. It just seems like regardless of whether or not she seemed to enjoy her experiences with you, she is not on the same path. She is on her own.

It could be exploratory. It could be a thrill with someone that she trusts, it could be that she really likes women and you in particular... I just wouldn't bank on the the last one there... it's to early to tell and it sounds to me like you are creating something in your head about her that might not be true, just you want it to be with that one. If you weren't in love with her I wonder if you would see it differently? See it as a fun exploratory time with a friend? I wonder if this is how she is seeing it? therefore, I wonder how much you have invested in something that might not exist? It concerns me and I worry about you getting hurt in all of this... used maybe. I wouldn't wish that on anyone as I have experienced it.

Just be careful, that's all. Obviously my experiences might not be yours and might be worthless in this case. One just doesn't know at this point and I would hate to see you invest in something that isn't real because you are caught up in love, rather than thinking realistically. A little NRE perhaps with this dynamic? Just might be worth re-thinking.
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  #19  
Old 07-20-2010, 07:31 PM
OhioLove OhioLove is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
A little NRE perhaps with this dynamic? Just might be worth re-thinking.
What does NRE mean?
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  #20  
Old 07-20-2010, 07:43 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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New relationship energy. Do a search on here. There is a lot of good info! Hope it helps
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