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  #11  
Old 07-20-2010, 04:46 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Add me to the list of poly folk who are child-free.

I am in a poly relationship with two ladies, one of whom is monogamous, and all three of us are most definitely child-free.
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  #12  
Old 07-27-2010, 07:09 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
I have to nitpick here. If you have a kid you are NOT child-free. You yourself can count as child-free if you have no kids of your own, but anyone who has ever had a kid, whether the kid lives with them, is grown, or given up for adoption, or dead, etc. is not CF. CF is not JUST a state of mind. That is PART of it (for example, if you always wanted a kid but were unable to have one for whatever reason, you are childLESS, not childFREE). Someone can ONLY be "child-free" if they never wanted a kid and never had a kid.
I hear what you're saying. But someone who never wanted a kid and then accidentally gets pregnant (the pill can fail, condoms fail a lot, and then there's rape) so they give it up for anonymous closed adoption because they want nothing to do with a kid, how is that not CF? In this big bad world, we can make all the "decisions" we want, but that doesn't always mean our decisions will be carried out.

I could interpret what you're saying as CF means you have to both decide not to have kids, and then be lucky enough not to have an accident, and if you do, you have to be comfortable having an abortion.

Even as I wrote it, I saw the flaw in calling "us" child-free, as my husband constantly has to consider how his decisions will affect his daughter. I'm not completely free of responsibility as far as she is concerned, since she is in my life, but I've never thought of myself as a parent to her... I see our relationship closer to aunt/niece than step-mother/daughter. I still consider myself to be CF because I decided in my youth that I never wanted kids, I always took my little pink pill religiously to make sure it didn't happen by accident (with the plan of an abortion if that failed), and then got my husband fixed to make sure it stayed that way.
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  #13  
Old 07-27-2010, 09:07 AM
violet violet is offline
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*raises hand*

Happily child-free! My fiance has a 5 year old son with his ex-wife, but the small creature lives out of state with family due to inter-familial politics. I love the little creature, and if what's best for him is living with our household and by extension, challenging my childfree status; well, I knew what I was getting into (ie, a package deal) when I decided to start dating HMA. SchrodingersCat and I are in very similar situations.

Does anyone here live in a multiple-woman household where the OTHER women in your relationship want kids? My fiance is open to the idea of more children. I don't know how I feel about it, lol. I laugh nervously and joke about the situation to cover my own discomfort. Anyone else feel me on this one?
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  #14  
Old 07-27-2010, 12:30 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I could interpret what you're saying as CF means you have to both decide not to have kids, and then be lucky enough not to have an accident, and if you do, you have to be comfortable having an abortion.
If one is truly CF, yes, they would have the abortion. That is what abortion is there for. If a guy gets a woman pregnant "by accident" and wants the woman to have an abortion, and she doesn't, then it's too bad, the guy is NOT cf.

The true, real, CF people that I know all are or want to be surgically sterilized (as I am). They also use birth control religiously, sometimes even two or three methods, and if for some reason they got pregnant anyway, they would have an abortion.
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  #15  
Old 07-27-2010, 04:12 PM
immaterial immaterial is offline
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Nymphs, it is offensive to hear from people who have children that not having them is "missing out" on something. I really tire of the cultural pressure to have children and the tyranny, really, of people with children. I am currently traveling and camping, using a public coffee shop to access the internet. The behavior of people's children in the campground is unbelievable. Parents bring their children to these public places and then just let them run f***ing wild, yelling, crossing through other people's campsites, screaming, fighting, throwing rocks, etc. It's one thing to allow the free and creative spirit of children to blossom but somehow within a reasonable context of respect for others and some kind of responsibility and structure on the part of the parents. The other day in the coffee shop there were three children slamming the bathroom door over and over, crying, screaming, fussing over everything, all the while the parents just ignoring them or occasionally mumbling some ineffectual something like "shhhh" or "sit down" but with no container or structure.

What possesses these child-positive breeders to allow this sort of utterly unacceptable imposition on others? These scenarios are *far and above* just normal child behavior. I often get the sense that parents feel completely *entitled* to inflict their children on the world. There doesn't even seem to be a second thought about it.

From this perspective, the consciously child free are definitely a minority and definitely don't need to hear that we are "missing out." :-)

Immaterial
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  #16  
Old 07-27-2010, 05:19 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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immaterial, I agree with the things you just said, and in fact you said some things that I thought of saying but decided not to because this is a thread about being CF and how it makes the "poly experience" of people who are CF different from the "poly experience" of people who choose to have kids. I, too, am irked when someone comes on and does a "bingo" like that, but I would like to remind everyone that this thread is not for the purpose of ranting about "breeders".

(for those who don't know the difference: a "breeder" is someone who reproduces and does not do a responsible job of parenting; common abbreviations in the CF-rant vocabulary are "BNP" for breeder-not-parent and "PNB" for "parent-not-breeder". "Breeder" is used as a derogatory term with negative connotation and "parent" is used as a complimentary term with positive connotation)
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  #17  
Old 07-27-2010, 05:28 PM
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Immaterial, with all due respect I find what you have just said equally offensive and just as much of a pressure culturally. I could go on about that about how culturally parents, and especially mothers, are made to think they are inadequate at raising children when no one handed us a book on it, but I won't.

Really, I don't think saying someone is "missing out" should be offensive. i sorry you can't rise above that and be happy for her. That is all that was said by her in just a few sentences, whereas you went on and on. Please realize that we as parents have a responsibility that is sometimes over whelming. It is just as unfair to blow up about how kids behave.

Personally I think its awesome that you have a childless life. I think its great you have chose that, but please don't dis someone when they get excited about the experience you decided not to have.

I think this thread is great. We have talked about kids a lot on this forum and I like that there is space to talk about NOT having kids, but please don't start bashing those of us that do.
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  #18  
Old 07-27-2010, 05:51 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Just a thought.

I don`t agree with the 'childfree' stance, but I would save the debate for a different thread.

This is a thread for those that do enjoy being 'childfree'. It is for them to talk about it, in a manner where they wont feel some type of judgement.

While the forum is free to post where you please, I do not think negative comments about that decision belong here. Maybe if there is enough interest, we can start a new thread to open up that discussion ?

Or is this one of those subjects that turns in to a shit-fling ?
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  #19  
Old 07-27-2010, 05:53 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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It will not be a shit-fling. There are other web forums besides this one that are for child-free "rants" and I will be happy to refer people to my favorite one if they PM me for the link.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 07-27-2010 at 05:55 PM.
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  #20  
Old 07-27-2010, 06:17 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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It seems like a mindless thing to shit fling about to me.

I don't have anything more to say here; this is not a thread for me anyways as I am not child free. Its like being on a thread for those that eat meat. I don't eat meat, so I have nothing to say. If you want to talk about how the bbq a steak then that awesome, but if you start bashing vegetarians then I have something to say. I don't think anyone who has a kid should think its okay to write on here about how great kids are personally. Its not the space to do so. A thread on how great kids are would be more approriate in my mind.
*Enjoy*, and I mean that with as much sincerity as I can muster. I stand by what I said before about child free space. But shit flinging and bashing about it is where I personally draw the line and feel the need to say something. This forum is built on respect, I would like to see it stay that way.
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