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  #121  
Old 07-15-2010, 05:01 PM
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redsirenn redsirenn is offline
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I really feel for you. I don't know if I could do what you are doing. You are going through so much. If anything, I'd say to take some time and just breath. Try to be selfish and take time to yourself... do something you enjoy for a couple of hours.


Wish you the best.
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  #122  
Old 07-15-2010, 08:11 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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My heart is heavy and the tears are flowing. Going to find something to make it a better day.
I just want to hug you. Help ease the pain and the hurt.
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  #123  
Old 07-16-2010, 02:35 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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We continued our fight when he woke up. But we met a resolution, as always.
1. My hormones are going crazy today and I am crying over everything.

2. I am not his mother and will not respond to things the way she did, therefor no guilt trips, no saying one thing and meaning another, no holding things against him if I say it's okay.

3. He is not my dad. He is not abandoning me. (my dad is still very much in my life and we have a great relationship, but he never wanted kids esp. a rebel daughter and we had several yrs of problems and he's done some things to my mom that I just don't agree with). I recognize there are things I ask hi to do/go with me to, that he doesn't enjoy, he recognizes I need him to be with me, enjoy my time more when he is with me. He also recognizes that I do things with him I do not enjoy,but get fulfillment simply from being with him, and I do not complain, I'd like to find away to have that with him as well.

4. Weekends with g/f do not mean only with girlfriend. I assumed it meant they did their thing and I only got invited in if they took pitty on me. Not okay with that. I recognize they need their time, but if Karma and I have plans during their weekend, she either comes along or they make plans for before or after. Karma canceling plans with me, b/c it was their weekend really hurt.

5. We all need to continue to work on the whole communication thing and not assume we know what is going on in the others head.

6. I do not hold the affair against g/f I hold her repetitive hurtful actions against her until proven that they were only mistakes and not intentional harm. I'm getting there quicker than expected.

7.I am not going to lie about how I am feeling. If I say it is okay to do something that I am hurt by or do not agree with, there is a reason for it and again with not being his mom, the reason is not to have something to hold against him. Sometimes the end justifies the means. Sometimes , while it's not what I want or it hurts, I can get over the hurt, knowing he is happy.

8. First thing in the morning or right before bed, not the best time to pick a fight. Not good to pick a fight at all if we are looking to resolve an issue. We are both fighters and highly defensive. Attacking will not resolve anything.

9. Trust will come with time. It is getting there, but I have 8 yrs of cheating, lies and affairs to work through. That's gonna take a bit. I'm going to question and second guess A LOT! Keep proving I have nothing to fear and things will keep moving forward. I do believe people can change. I do not believe once a cheat always a cheat. But I do believe in not making uninformed decisions. I recognize his frustration, he needs to recognize his part in my fear.

10. I won't post things without talking it out first. If I need to write it out, I will journal it and post it later.

11. Everytime I'm reminded of the lies and the fact that the whole damn world knew but me, it's going to hurt. He needs to own his part in that, I need to own my recovery from it.

12. I need time for us, that isn't us on the computer, in a book or playing video games. I need to feel special, not pushed aside because we live together. That's how we end up back to cohabitating, not loving.

I think we made a lot of progress tonight. It was hard to get through and it seems we both hold some residual pain from our parents against eachother. That's not fair to either of us. We need to recognize this in ourselves and verbalize it, not hold it in.

G/f and I progressing as well. We've made some progress in getting to know eachother and I am looking forward to the 3 of us going to a pow wow together. Karma has taken an interest in learning more about the native culture and g/f is always up for things like this, so I think it will be fun. Hopefully I'm pleasantly surprised and not dissapointed. The pow wows I;ve been to have been on reservations this one is held at a fair ground. But it is hosted by the local Tribal community so I have hope.

I did a few personal readings with my new Tarot deck. Still not sure if I like it or not. I love the deck itself, but I'm stumbling on the readings and interpretations. Doesn't seem to come as naturaly as the Runes do.


Thank you everyone for the kind words and support. Has just been an emotional few months and my breaking points are lower as a result. I know it will get better, I just have to hang on until it does.
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  #124  
Old 07-16-2010, 05:41 PM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Karmas g/f stayed the night last. They slept in the living room. I slept better than I thought, though it was odd to wake up without him.

Not feeling to good today. Lots of pain the new medicine is really tearing up my stomache. I think I'm gonna stay home and let Karma and his girlfriend have a day for themselves. They need it and I'm just not up to running around in 99 degree heat.

Emotionaly I'm feeling better. Still a little off but better. Frustrated that Karma and I haven't had any "alone" time in like a week and half. I'm missing intimacy with my husband. Seems so weird since a few months ago it was the last thing on my mind. At least that medication switch worked for the better But now I understand Karma's frustration. I almost feel neglected. We just haven't had time to be together. Either he isn't home, we're fighting, or sleeping at different times. I'm still learning how to adapt to that. I feel like I'm missing something. I'm no longer upset about the amount of time he is spending with g/f, I just wish we could figure out a way to create more hours in a day. I guess we need to learn to juggle life a bit better.
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  #125  
Old 07-16-2010, 11:05 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Oh how that time thing bites. Keep at it. One gets used to it.
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  #126  
Old 07-17-2010, 03:17 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Thanks RP, we're tryin'. He's taking her home now, so hopefully I can stay awake long enough . It's taking some adjustment and compromise on all our parts, but it's working out little by little.
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  #127  
Old 07-17-2010, 05:37 AM
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Karma Karma is offline
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yeah RP, how the hell do you juggle three relationships? You're kinda my hero for being able to do that at the moment.
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  #128  
Old 07-17-2010, 05:42 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Karma View Post
yeah RP, how the hell do you juggle three relationships? You're kinda my hero for being able to do that at the moment.
default answer - google calendar...
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  #129  
Old 07-17-2010, 05:54 PM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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LOL yeah we're to unorganised for a calander to work.

Waiting on Karma to get back with g/f so we can go to a Native American Festival and pow wow. I'm really excited for today. Hoping for some good conversation and some fun just hanging out.

It's odd that all it took was a 5 page letter but her pretense seems gone and we are working on actualy getting to know eachother. I'm feeling much more comfortable with things. It's good to be yet again reminded that there's always going to be things we have towork through, but we'll always get through them.

Got a little bit of much needed Karma time last night. I love my husband! Oh and I forgot to brag about the fact that he made g/f and I breakfast in bed yesturday!

I know we'll all still have issues, we're human, but for today, it's nice to look forward to a good time with the man I love and the woman he loves. And tonight is a birthday party for the un boyfriend. Which Karma has decided to go to
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  #130  
Old 07-18-2010, 02:27 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Had a great day. Wasn't kill you hot. The pow wow was good. Not exceptional but not the dissapointment I was fearing. G/f bought me a necklace with an arrowhead and a buffalo in it. Really nifty.

A lot of the crafters were "typical white man" crap, but there were some that were authentic that were unfortunately waaaaay outta my price range.

We didn't really talk much but had a good time, the dancers were amazing, and the hr train ride home was humerus. Apparently made a couple of girls jealous as the stared at us quite a bit. Karma really loves taking his girls out.

We're gonna go watch a movie and pass out. Hope everyone enjoys their weekend.
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