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Old 07-14-2010, 06:28 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Question First time meet and greet ... *gulp*

So, it's in the works, and will probably happen in the next month or so. My fiancÚ, R, said he would like to meet A, my new interest, when we settle (ie, when crazy NRE is under control).

I brought it up with A, and he agreed immediately. I was a pleasantly surprised by his ease with the idea.

A identifies as mono, not to mention he's the first person I would classify as a very real possibility to become a SO since R and I have opened up. R is still dealing with some jealousy and insecurity, but doing so well, and I am so proud of him!! A puts us ahead of himself, but with the promise that if his needs aren't being met, he will say something. I know he won't stick around if he's truly mono, looking for "the one", but I'd like to be as much as I can for as long as possible. He would also like this to be long-term.

So, basically I'm petrified of them meeting. As you can probably tell, I really like A and can see myself falling for him. And obviously, I love R, so ... ack! I'm sure they will get along well because they have similar interests and definitely the same sense of humour. So long as R can manage to set aside the fact that they're both sleeping with me!

What does everyone else do for their first meet up? I'm thinking a neutral location will be the best place, but part of me wonders, should I be there? What sorts of questions should I ask the boys beforehand to prepare and make sure everyone is comfy? Ground rules? What has everyone else experienced?

I know that every situation is unique, but all experiences would be helpful!! I'd even like to hear worst case/best case scenarios.

I'm nervous as hell, but want to be prepared, so that I don't influence them! Haha. I'm guessing coffee would be a bad idea.

Last edited by TruckerPete; 07-14-2010 at 06:28 PM. Reason: typo
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Old 07-14-2010, 06:36 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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This is a great update! You guys all seem to be aproaching this with level heads and realistic expectations. I met Redpepper's husband at thier house, but a coffee shop would work..a more private one. Good luck and hats off again, this sounds like a wonderful start
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Old 07-14-2010, 10:44 PM
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The meeting place is totally dependent on how comfortable everyone is, though a neutral place is always a safe bet. Good luck!
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Old 07-15-2010, 05:46 AM
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I think when Mono met Nerdist it was in passing as Mono picked me up to go out. They exchanged a few words at the door and I didn't rush them. I reveled in them being together and was in my own world about it. Nerdist found it very helpful. He just needed to see him I think and I needed him to also. It became real then to all of us.. not a fantasy world when I was with Mono and that e didn't exist when I wasn't. Later visits were more about boundaries and getting to know each other, but that first time was just long enough and for all the right reasons at the time.
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Old 07-20-2010, 01:43 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Exclamation It happened last night!

Mr. A came to get me, and we'd all agreed beforehand that he would come into our home and meet Indigo. They shook hands, made a bit of polite small talk, and I introduced our zoo (3/4 cats and the two dogs) to Mr. A.

Oh, I was terribly awkward ... They were both far better than me! I hugged Indigo goodbye, and bolted for the door! At this point they shook hands again and Mr. A offered a "man-hug" with a laugh.

I did want to give them a bit of time alone, but I have to be honest and say that's not the whole reason I left the house. *embarrassed duck of head*

After I went to the car, I could hear them joking a bit, about not knowing the proper "protocol". Indigo told Mr. A he was lucky that he, Indigo, was wearing pants, since it was his house.

They shared a laugh at my awkwardness and Mr. A even started to close our door, thus putting him in the house with Indigo. I heard Indigo say, "I like him!" and they laughed.

My heart soars at these tiny steps.

Thank-you for your bravery, Indigo.
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Old 07-20-2010, 04:26 PM
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Indigomontoya Indigomontoya is offline
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To be fair, I offered to hug him, and then we decided not to hug.
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Old 07-20-2010, 04:48 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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To be fair, it's all a haze!
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Old 07-20-2010, 06:46 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Sounds like things went quite nicely I remember my first meet with Polynerdist.

Take care
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Old 07-21-2010, 11:30 AM
EugenePoet EugenePoet is offline
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It sounds like A is on the same page as you guys, and Indigo sounds like he's OK with A. That makes everything so much better, when your BF knows and accepts the importance of your husband and your marriage, and your husband and BF can laugh together at their first meeting.

I remember having dinner with L and D the first time, and how D and I talked a lot about his sculpture and my writing. L was with us but content to let the guys find common ground. (*sigh*)

But L and D have had an open marriage for a decade or so. It sounds like you, Indigo, and A had a good experience the first time and that's what you build on! It's great.
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