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  #171  
Old 07-12-2010, 10:10 PM
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However you are more likely to run into people who won't treat you in the best possible manner in a casual sex scenario. You're more likely to be treated with respect and caring in a loving relationship.
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  #172  
Old 07-13-2010, 12:45 AM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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Eh... It's a numbers game. If you're having casual sex, you're involved with more people, thus the statistical probability that a bad apple will be encoiuntered increases, as x percent of the people out ther are bad apples.

Conversely, I know many people who have only been with one person in their lives, married that person, and are stuck (I use that term VERY loosly given that I hate people saying they're stuck, you CAN leave, no matter what) in terrible situations with people as bad or worse than what many ncounter in casual encounters, and feel obligated to stick it out.

I hold that it's the people involved that can be/are the problem, not the nature of the relationships.

Editing because upon re-reading that, I feel it necessary to expound a bit. I can her my mothers voice in my head telling me that people who are willing to get involved in casual sex relations are more likely to be the problematic types, and that people looking for steady relationships are more likely to be stable. I cannot stress enough that that type of thinking is A - dead wrong, and B - more than moderately offensive to me. There is something in the base 'conservative' mindset - pardon me, but ESPECIALLY among the dedicated christian community - that says that anyone involved in anything that they label 'wrong' is just ASKING for trouble. Folks - it wasn't long ago that society broke away from this mindset enough to stop whispering that rape victims were responsible for what happened. Society needs to agree to certain rules in order for billions of people to exist together in some semblance of harmony, but the idea that anyone who engages in activities YOU think are wrong "have it coming" or "deserve what they get" is dangerous in the extreme. Too many laws consist of people telling other people that they know what's good for them better than they do. We can agree that cold blooded murder is wrong; the majority here is overwhelming. But that marriage is between one man and one woman, period..? Well now, I'd like to see a popular vote on that one. Between poly folk, gays, and whatever else is out there, I bet the minority is big enough to matter, and an aweful lot bigger than the one saying murder is acceptable, lol.

Oooh - I got long, and I could keep right on going. I'll refrain, ya'll get what I'm saying.

Last edited by HappiestManAlive; 07-13-2010 at 12:54 AM.
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  #173  
Old 07-13-2010, 02:06 AM
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HMA - In YOUR life, for yourself, it is wrong. Truth is, it is a matter of perspective.

I`ve had nice, casual sex encounters in the past. Nice people. Well meaning, honest people.

It`s the NICE people that taught me/ made me realize, that casual sex, is boring as hell. ( to me. )

Pointless (to me), and a complete waste of time and resources. (Again, to me.)

For me, it completely lacks in every aspect. Based on nothing but the act itself.

..my stable relationships are,..stable. Which is a far cry from casual ones.

As far as seperating the act itself, from the people who abuse it :

Flip that POV around. If one doesn`t engage in casual sex,...who does it hurt ? No one.
Engage in casual sex, and at best you have a 50/50 shot of it being a worthwhile experience, even if you do like it generally. It is MORE then a numbers game. It is a game of many variables. Compatability, lucky choices, good guesses, no interference, and like-minds.

Some people just don`t think it`s worth the effort. That`s it, that`s all.

We could play the gun-analogy game, but truth is,..it`s like everything else in life. Do what works best for you, and don`t condem other for their beliefs.

If you like it, do it. If someone else doesn`t,..they are not wrong. It is their choice.

The only people wrong, are those who try and beat their version of the truth, into others. Regardless of the subject, or what side of the fence you sit on.

No offence, but what you said earlier,..( and I do not think it was your intention, just your passion showing through .) You were doing the same thing, in one breath, as what you accused others of.
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  #174  
Old 07-13-2010, 04:12 AM
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I'm with Superjast. "For me" casual sex is boring and a waste of time. If I need to orgasm I'll jerk off. I don't need some ones body to move my penis around inside to achieve that. I'm not even interested in sex if me and Redpepper aren't completely connected. For me it doesn't feel right to take something from her body unless I am giving something back to her heart. But this is me...and I'm old, damaged but very self aware.
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  #175  
Old 07-13-2010, 04:21 AM
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Superjast- thanks for what you said. I agree... Its all a matter of difference and we need to embrace differences, find interest in that and learn from that. What the hell are we on this forum for if not to learn.
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  #176  
Old 07-14-2010, 02:56 AM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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I was not condemning those who do not wish to engage in such behavior, I was openly bitching that many who make that choice feel it is their duty or calling in life to condemnm those of us who do. Period.

Read into it what you will, nowhere in any post I have made have I ever condemned anyone for choosing not to engage in casual encounters.
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  #177  
Old 07-14-2010, 03:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive View Post
I was not condemning those who do not wish to engage in such behavior, I was openly bitching that many who make that choice feel it is their duty or calling in life to condemnm those of us who do. Period.

Read into it what you will, nowhere in any post I have made have I ever condemned anyone for choosing not to engage in casual encounters.
*meh* I didn't read that.
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  #178  
Old 07-14-2010, 03:49 AM
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It was said in response to ;

" I can her my mothers voice in my head telling me that people who are willing to get involved in casual sex relations are more likely to be the problematic types, and that people looking for steady relationships are more likely to be stable. I cannot stress enough that that type of thinking is A - dead wrong, and B - more than moderately offensive to me. "


Your mothers' opinion, is not wrong, just different then yours. Many who are poly, hold the same beliefs about stable relationship choices.

As for condeming, that is a generalized statement. We all need to be careful of the slippery slope that comes from feeling outside of the box. It can be very easy to feel frustration, and lash out at a segment of society we feel is responsible for shuning us.
I know I can get fed up, and beak off. Usually someone smart, reminds me of the greater good.
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  #179  
Old 07-14-2010, 06:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Superjast View Post
It was said in response to ;

" I can her my mothers voice in my head telling me that people who are willing to get involved in casual sex relations are more likely to be the problematic types, and that people looking for steady relationships are more likely to be stable. I cannot stress enough that that type of thinking is A - dead wrong, and B - more than moderately offensive to me. "


Your mothers' opinion, is not wrong, just different then yours. Many who are poly, hold the same beliefs about stable relationship choices.
I have generally abandoned this forum for a variety of reasons, but this thread was pointed back to me by a fellow sex educator. This right here is a huge sticking point with those who promote sex positivity.

The thinking HMA was describing as dead wrong is indeed dead wrong and here's why:

It is making a blanket statement that is full of assumptions about the motivations of other people. It is basically saying that those who engage in casual sex must have something wrong with them and that those who don't must be more reliable for relationships. This is an attempt to disguise something that is presented as fact (as erroneous and assumed as the fact may be) and trying to pass it off as opinion. It is exactly like saying "I feel polyamorous people are greedy, so I know poly relationships aren't right FOR ME" Or, "Bisexual people can't really make up their minds, so FOR ME it's not going to meet my needs to date them". For some reason, adding the "for me" is supposed to allow the person to claim that nobody can correct their erroneous and wrong way of thinking because it's their opinion and their feelings.

And quite frankly this overprotectiveness and need to protect such erroneous ways of thinking about the motivations of others is part of the culture that I decided to leave here.

And also, just as a tidbit on the numbers game. The number of partners a person has isn't the thing that determines how likely they are to have STI's. It's how intelligently they approach each partner from the standpoint of safety. For instance, legal prostitutes generally have a lower rate of STI's than swingers. It certainly isn't the number of partners that distinguishes that disparity.

Not sure if I'll be back to the forum, but I've done my bit for the sex educators.
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  #180  
Old 07-14-2010, 06:34 AM
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Ceoli :
I do see how others can get their hackles up. I don`t believe two wrongs make a right, however.

As stated earlier,....it`s a individual`s choice.

Thanks for the educational link though,..while I have seen it before, I am sure others will benefit from it.

As for leaving forums,.well,.thats another personal choice,..good luck to you in all areas.
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