There is no humiliation in our relationship. In my opinion that's more of a cuckold than a Hotwife. Maybe I'm splitting hairs, I don't know. She enjoys the attention she gets from other men. It makes her feel good and raises her self esteem. I enjoy seeing her happy and the rise in her self esteem.
I do enjoy seeing her have sex with other men but there's never been any humiliation associated with it. I'm not really sure if I'm explaining myself very well.
I noted this thread earlier but was too busy with work to think much about it - but have come back to it as it sparked a bit of interest for me. I think the issue is primarily semantics/terminology - but perhaps not entirely.
Somewhat to my surprise on this poly journey - as it was not something that I had anticipated, I discovered that I found that it was sexually exciting for me to hear Becky tell me of her sexual encounters with Ben (and she also unexpectedly found it exciting to relate those stories.) While certainly not universal in poly, I knew that it was not uncommon either - the topic being discussed both in "Opening Up" and "Ethical Slut" (sexual energy from a secondary relationship reinforcing the primary) - and indeed I have seen it discussed on this forum on occasion.
Honestly, I did occasionally find it disturbing that I did find Becky's accounts exciting. While I have come a long way from that small Southern town that I was raised in, some of that ultra conservative cultural conditioning obviously still lingers in the dark recesses of my mind.
But a cuckold?....
Webster's defines cuckold as: "a man whose wife is unfaithful" - the classic definition that goes way back to the Middle Ages - with derogatory connotations for both the wife and the husband.
So if "unfaithful" means that she has sex with other men (obviously the intention of the definition) - then most of us married guys in the poly world are technically cuckolds - as well the majority of married men in the western world at some point in their lives (adultery being so common - and I suspect that the number of married women who have had sex outside their marriage at least once - even if just a one time drunken quickie at the office Christmas party - is probably even higher than reported in the various studies). This is a common argument for the value of poly - just make it honest.
I do realize that the term "cuckold' is now often used in relation to the cuckold-hotwife femdom kink - in which the husband is submissive and the wife's sex with other men is a form of "sexualized humiliation". Nothing wrong with that, either. How does that go? -- "your kink is not my kink but your kink is ok".
However, that definition certainly does not apply to my experience with Becky. Like the OP stated in his reply - submission and humiliation is not part of our experience - even though we both enjoy the sexual energy generated by her relating her encounters with Ben. But unlike the OP, I do not have any desire to watch (again, no judgment) - although, we have discussed the possibility of a MFM threesome at some point - and while Ben also said he would consider it as well, I don't know that it would ever actually happen.
Cuckold? obviously in the classic sense, as almost all poly men would be - not to mention the majority of men in the western world, even if unbeknownst to them. Kink-wise, not really - at least as usually understood. Semantics, I suppose - and as has often been said here in regard to other "labels" - beware of them! I will also add that I have noted a number of posts here in which the woman related that she was turned on by hearing about her partner's sexual adventures - which further expands the concept beyond just the idea of the "male cuckold kink" - and which I found reassuring and much appreciated.
Hotwife - A married woman who has the freedom in her marriage to pursue sexual relationships with men other than her husband. Her husband has full knowledge of her activities and consents to them. (From the Urban Dictionary - don't think Webster's has that one yet....)
While "hotwife" is often used in conjunction with cuckold in that particular cuckold-hotwife kink, it really doesn't have to be associated with that particular kink it seems. It also seem perfectly fitting to consensual non-monogamy in general , including poly - and I have seen it used that way as well. Just as a matter of personal taste, I find the term hotwife a lot less distasteful than cuckold. In fact, I have found the term to have a certain sexy edginess about it, and sometimes tease Becky about having become my "sexy new hotwife".
Aside from the cuckold-hotwife kink (i.e., absent from the concept of submission and humiliation), I have heard others here on this forum and elsewhere talk about being intrigued by the sexual notion of their wife with another man. I recall one episode in which Minx was interviewing a guy on Poly Weekly - and he talked about how hot it made his wife seem to him when he saw her flirting or making out with another guy at a party. I thought this made the point well from my perspective - it was about how hot, sexy, empowered, and feminine it made Becky seem in my eyes when I heard her whisper about her time with Ben.
Again, this whole scenario - of us finding erotic energy in Becky's sexual encounters with Ben - was completely unexpected - but clearly has helped me in being ok with idea of Becky having sex with another man. Still not a complete acceptance - poly would still not be my first choice - but certainly makes it easier. Al
