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Old 07-12-2010, 10:44 PM
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Acroxander Acroxander is offline
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Location: San Diego, CA.
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Default Sacrifice, Post-Puritanism, and the Usual Suspects

So earlier today I quoted a quote from one of you on the board, (I don't recall who, but it is in your signature ) and pasted it into my facebook status.

Here is the quote:

"Love withers under constraint; its very essence
is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is
there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in
confidence, equality and unreserve."

~Percy Byshe Shelley

It quickly blossomed into a discussion. Among the points brought up by folks was why sacrifice is a bad thing, whether jealousy, envy and fear are hard-wired, necessary parts of being human, and even whether the mainstream outlook on relationships can be called "Puritanical."

It made me think.

Firstly, about sacrifice. What does it mean to sacrifice, in terms of a relationship? Whether it's time, your health, your job, another relationship, etc., what does it really mean TO YOU when you think of sacrificing something in order to continue a relationship?

My two cents was this right here:
"Sacrifice is a generally deleterious intruder on healthy relationships in my opinion, (and remember that my opinion has nothing to do with children, and probably never will) for several reasons:

1) Most "sacrifice" is carried out without the foreknowledge or consent of the partner on whose behalf it is executed, and often becomes a tool for ... See Moreleverage on that partner when it is not "matched" by a similar sacrifice or acknowledged in an adequate (and often ad nauseum) manner. This is either brazen or unwitting manipulation, depending on how aware the sacrificer is of his/her own motives.
In my experience, each is equally destructive.

2) If sacrifices must be carried out to make a relationship work, it is my opinion that the relationship itself be scrapped in order to find one that isn't so much goddamned work. Things don't have to be so HARD. I think if we find a relationship is built around sacrifice, it ought to be scrapped for one with a less cracked foundation.

3) Sacrifice is often mistaken or substituted for reasonable compromise, therefore destroying the credibility of compromise in general within a relationship. This renders most forms of communication tainted from then on and also undermines trust. This point kind of ties in with the first regarding leverage."

As a little bit on "Puritanism," I'll reveal that I have a theory that lots of Western culture's caddy-wampus ideas about love and the nature of loving stem from a post-Calvinist influence, sprinkled with Catholicism and Puritanical ideals. This condensed idea of mine is that a lot of people tend to view the VALUE of their relationships in terms of how much pain it would cause them to LOSE that person, and/or how much suffering (sacrifice) they've endured to remain in that relationship.

The "Usual Suspects" referred to in this thread's title are those old friends Jealousy, Envy, and Fear. I think there is enough on them in this Forum already, so I'll leave well enough alone.
Thoughts, anyone?
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compromise, envy, fear, love, sacrifice, sociology

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