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Old 07-10-2010, 05:56 PM
newbie newbie is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10
Default Newbie's Blog: Understanding Being a Mono Secondary

Hello, and welcome to my blog! I知 planning to use this as a space to process all of the new information and emotions I知 discovering now that I知 in a relationship with a poly man. I知 hoping it will have a generally positive tone傭ut who痴 to say? Until a couple of weeks ago, I had spent months on the most intense emotional rollercoaster of my life. The highs were days of wonderfully intense happiness that made my friends want to slap me (NRE, I guess?). But the lows were nights of intense jealousy, fear, uncertainty, sadness, anger葉he whole gamut. Now I kind of feel that I致e reached some sort of equilibrium. I still have a million questions, uncertainties, fears, etc. But I知 also just very happy. We値l see how long this lasts

My writing tends to be long-winded (sorry in advance! ), so I値l tell my story in pieces: I chose the screen name 渡ewbie because I am one in a lot of ways. I married shortly after college after waiting until marriage to have sex (yes, I know that痴 incredibly naive). Unfortunately, I quickly discovered that my (now ex) husband had virtually no interest in being physically intimate with me. So just having a sex life still feels relatively new. Being in love is also new. On some level I loved my ex-husband and the boyfriend before him. But being truly, deeply in love悠 didn稚 know I was capable of feeling this way until now. And of course, being part of a poly relationship is also uncharted territory for me.

As for what brought me to this forum, I've laid it out in more detail in the New to Polyamory section (I'm sorry--I would include a link, but I don't know how). The short version is that I'm a mono woman in a relationship with a man (who I've been calling A) who is in an open marriage. This is relatively new to him too, so we're kind of stumbling through this together.

As predicted, this has gotten long, so I'll wrap up. My current thought/struggle for today is knowing that, no matter how much I'm incorporated into A's life, to the outside world his relationship with his wife will always be the legitimate one. And my relationship with him will always be seen as illegitimate on some level. Or alternatively, I may always have to hide the true nature of our relationship from most of the people in my life. That makes me sad. How sad? I don't really know right now...
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