Originally Posted by FormerUnicorn
We hadn't discussed much about the shape that other relationships could take, but I was relieved when I heard him say, "I don't like the idea of us having secret people on the side. If it happens, I want them to be known to both of us, someone who can come over and everyone's okay with that."
I assured him that having people who had nothing to do with the other important parts of my life was not appealing to me, and that the sense of community and family were a very big part of what I was looking for. Isolated relationships would just feel like a failure and a distraction to the sorts of things I am interested in building.
I also pointed out that we needn't be the best of friends with one another's partners, simply that we would be able to find things to relate to them. I said that I would love to be able to cook special meals with his potential SOs, and enjoy having them over for the weekend, or maybe longer.
i was as somebody who was one such "secret" on the side relationship. i was secret form the world, but not from the poly couple i was involved with. i commend you and your SO on the fact that you both do not want these part time secret relationships. I AM NOT PUTTING THAT TYPE DOWN, if it works for some great for them, but it didn't work for me and i must say i am WHOLEHEARTEDLY thankful to see that another poly couple has said they don't want the "secret life" on the side.... makes me smile and feel that I'm not weird for wanting this. i know that's not the intention of this thread, but thank you. and i know you're not the only ones to say they didn't want to have a secret part time relationship on the side int he forum, but i happened to read your thread...and it made me smile and feel..normal, despite wanting a relationship which society has labeled un-normal...