Accidentally Poly - The Karma Story.
So, where to start....
I never intended to be polyamorous. I guess that's a good place
I've been with Mohegan for 8 years now, married for 4. Our relationship has been something of a rollercoaster, as far as things like health, housing, and jobs go, but we've managed to hang on to each other in spite of all the crazy thrown our way... and in spite of me making some stupid decisions
I guess I should have figured out a long time ago that I was Poly, but the thought never occured to me. I was dating a girl when I was sixteen, and she called me up one day to tell me that she had kissed another guy the night before. I wasn't mad at all about the kissing, I was mad because now we 'had to' break up, because she had cheated on me and that's what was expected. I didn't think this was very fair, but I wasn't too sure what to do about it at the time. Later on in life, when I met Mohegan, I was dating a girl who is still a friend of mine today. I knew I had feelings for both of them, but wasn't sure what to do about it. My girlfriend encouraged me to pursue Mohegan, telling me that we'd still be friends, but that I'd regret it if I didn't.
Wow, was she right
Fast forward another 8 years or so. Mohegan and I were in a bad spot in a lot of ways. Our relationship was basically stagnating because of her health issues. We were no longer a couple, as muc has two people co-habitating. Add to this the fact that we were in a strage state that neither of us knew very well, with new people, and both of us were tackling college at the same time. This is a bad recipe if you're trying to fix a floundering relationship.
I decided to find Something Else (IE cute college girls) to fill the gaps in my life, primarily the sexual ones. This was not a smart plan, but I wasn't sure what else to do. Neither Mohegan or I were really communicating with each other, and I figured that what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.
Dumb idea, by the way
So, I had a string of 4 girls that I slept with behind her back. I enjoyed their company, but they were not much more than aquaintances, on an emotional level. I was completely OK with that - I informed every one of them exactly what I was doing, that my wife did not know, and that this was sex and only sex. No hurt feelings, no leading anyone on.
Then I met my current girlfriend.
I had no intention for her to be any different than any of the other flings I had up to this point. She had no intention of getting attached, either. Instead of sticking to a well-established plan we had both laid out, we fell fast and hard for each other. I am terrified of this, but I tell her how I feel. She told me she felt the same way......
...and it was only supposed to be a fling!!
So at this point, I'm beating the crap out of myself mentally. I mean, how could I be in love with two women at the same time? People just don't do that!! I spent a few months in limbo trying to deal with this. Finally, I came clean with Mohegan - after someone sent her a letter telling her that I'd been cheating on her all this time - about my girlfriend. It took forever for me to get over the fear that she would leave me, so I told her things in stages, little bite sized chunks that my brain could handle letting go of.
She was pissed. Not really about the cheating, but about the fact that I'd lied to her about it all. I hurt her pretty bad, and our marriage was on rocky ground for awhile.
Interestingly enough, when I told her that I was in love with another woman, she told me that I was an idiot for thinking that being married meant that I could only love one woman. She was far more accepting of this part of myself than I had been. I love that wife of mine, she's freakin amazing!
About a week after she found out about all the cheating I had done. Mohegan and I had a no-holds-barred discussion about our marriage. The only rules were no yelling, no interrupting, and no lying. It was tough on both of us... but we made it through, and I think our marriage is stronger now than it ever was, because that's the night we decided to really start communicating everything to each other.
As for my girlfriend... she's young, still learning a lot about herself, and carrying serious psychological damage from an ex that...... did something to her that I can't forgive any man for doing to a woman, and almost choked her to death in the process. She's struggling to break out of old patterns and thought processes, and I see an incredible, strong person underneath all the scars and fear. I love her fiercely, and I'm trying to let help her heal, and at the same time give her room to learn about who she is. She's made mistakes, and they hurt me, but not as much as they hurt her. I expect her to make mistakes though - how else do we learn?
So, yeah, I guess I'm 'accidentally' poly. I didn't go looking for this, but I can't deny that I'm completely in love with two women who are both amazing in their own unique ways, and also in many of the same ways. It's been confusing and crazy, but I can't really complain about where I'm at currently.
Just as long as we remember to communicate, and to learn from our mistakes, I think we'll all be OK.
This is my family. It may be little, and broken, but it's still good. Yeah, still good.