Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-29-2009, 04:58 PM
Degenerate Degenerate is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Manchester
Posts: 15
Red face Polyamoury and marriage

I don't know how much this varies elsewhere, but here in the UK I may not marry more than one person, in the eyes of the law.

In terms of traditions previous to this law, there are other types of wedding which exist but which are not legally recognised (or recognised by 'the church').

I would like to be able to get married and got engaged to one of my partners (Phoebe) at the weekend. But we do not know yet what kind of wedding we will have. We expect it will be a non-typical wedding and have plenty of time to decide.

I don;t like the idea that I can only marry one of my partners legally, and I wondered how others have got around this, adapted old traditional weddings, created their own, being married to one partner and another partner having less legal rights, etc. Do any Poly aware types of weddings exist (non religious ones I mean)

Would love to hear anything anyone has to say on this matter.

De
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-29-2009, 08:33 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,186
Default

Here in the US, no form of multiple marriage is legal. That, however, in no fashion precludes religious or non-religious binding ceremonies with multiple people. There's just no legal recognition of those ties.

Thus while Pagans can have handfastings with more than one person, only the legal spouse has the legal rights associated with marriage. Any other spouse, though handfasted, is not recognized by the law. It's not a matter of one partner having more spousal rights than another--one has all spousal rights and the other has none.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-29-2009, 08:34 PM
River's Avatar
River River is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 1,894
Default

I am unaware of any countries in the world which allow multiple partner legal marriage. But that doesn't mean there aren't any.

As for having a non-legally binding poly- marriage cerimony, I'm sure there are lots of ways of going about it, and that the polyamory community should have plenty of resouces to draw on for inspiration.

Does anyone here know where to direct Degenerate for ideas or the experience of others?
__________________
bi, partnered, available

River's Blog
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-30-2009, 07:46 AM
Degenerate Degenerate is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Manchester
Posts: 15
Default

Thanks for your replies about this and I look forward to hearing anything else anyone has to offer on this subject.

De
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 07-30-2009, 01:26 PM
Quath Quath is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 504
Default

I heard once of a legal poly group working to help draft legal documents that approximate a legal marriage. (You can't get all the legal rights of marriage or even of domestic partnership yet, but I think it is pretty close.) However, it is a huge amount of legal work and I imagine the cost is pretty high for it.

I figure that once gay marriage is legal, then it is time for polygamy.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-30-2009, 02:32 PM
Olivier's Avatar
Olivier Olivier is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Belgium
Posts: 149
Default

I think people look to the state too much for solutions. Personally I'm finding myself more and more distant from any form of government - it's not working for me. I also don't plan to vow my pledge towards a representative of the state, just as I'm not going to do it to a representative of a Church. The only person I would vow my pledge to would be my wife, in front of her whole family. If I vow my pledge to another potential wife, so be it. And I would probably do a sort of spiritual (really spiritual) wedding (something like a commitment together with the universe). I don't owe the state anything in my opinion, so I would just draw up contracts that would guarantee the necessary things for everyone involved.
__________________
http://www.olivetree9.com

Last edited by Olivier; 07-30-2009 at 02:37 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 07-30-2009, 04:04 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,221
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quath View Post

I figure that once gay marriage is legal, then it is time for polygamy.
I hate to sound like that asshole Jay Severin, but what then? People marrying their pets?

ALL legal marriage should be ABOLISHED and anyone who wants to can just make up their own independent contracts. That should level the playing field.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 07-30-2009, 05:36 PM
vandalin's Avatar
vandalin vandalin is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 520
Default

I think that legal marriages should exist, but between same species only...at this point. But contracts would definitly be the way to go. Then the individuals involved can choose whether they want some kind of ceremony as well. A legal marriage is basically just that anyway, a contract. If you get married by a judge, no religion (should) has it's say in your union unless you allow it.
__________________
Life is about the journey and not the destination,
so what better way to know life
than to wander all the roads and paths set before you.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 07-30-2009, 10:36 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,186
Default

Yeah, legal marriage is a contract. I think we'd all be better served if that were made explicit and folks decided on all of the components involved in the contract at the time of marriage, instead of automatically getting stuck with all of the rights and obligations that have been added to the marriage contract that might not fit with individual arrangements.

The trickiest part of dealing with a poly marriage contract involves how to settle up when one ends in whole or part. I don't think it's as difficult as many would have us believe, though, as the business world deals with multi-party contracts with regularity.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 07-31-2009, 02:03 AM
Quath Quath is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 504
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
I hate to sound like that asshole Jay Severin, but what then? People marrying their pets?
Just limit marriage to consentind adult humans and i think we have covered all the bases.

Quote:
ALL legal marriage should be ABOLISHED and anyone who wants to can just make up their own independent contracts. That should level the playing field.
I am not against this idea. What would be nice is a collection of legal frameworks that you can pick from that are common in concept. You can create your own unique legal arrangement if you want to customize it. So one framework could be "monogamous marriage." Another could be "7 year monogous marriage." Yet another could be "2 couple Quad Marriage" and so on...

But for now, we are stuck with the concept of marriage. The governemt and companies use it for so many benefits and categories, that we will have to work within that concept for the time being.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
legal, marriage, polyamoury, third partner, tradition, weddings

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:33 PM.