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  #51  
Old 04-02-2010, 03:10 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Hi Irishjack,

Here's a link to Redpepper's coming out. Accusations of child abuse and all BUT things have come around....slooowly.

Peace and Love
Mono
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Last edited by ImaginaryIllusion; 04-02-2010 at 05:17 AM. Reason: Added Link
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  #52  
Old 04-02-2010, 03:13 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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You may find this a traumatic event....However, with time, people will likely get "used" to it. If not, try not to make it a big deal for them. I.E. Don't talk about it or make a large fuss over it at different events where these people are. I know that my adopted parents would FLIP if I told them....and so I don't. But my biological mother, is more open and grounded when it comes to "differences", and doesn't really voice an opinion on things of this matter. When I introduce my wife, and my GF, I introduce my wife as "my wife", and my GF, simply as a very close friend. In more "open" circles, I introduce her as my GF, while my wife introcuces me as her husband and her BF as her BF to more "open" circles.

In my opinion, if it hurts, don't do it. So if it hurts or offends, don't tell them. They may question, but refer them to your wife. This way, they will know that she is open to it and not injured and you are not cheating.
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  #53  
Old 04-02-2010, 03:03 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Hey Jack,

Well, unless you see it as your role to be a campaigner or champion of the cause, then it's nobody's business how you lead your personal life.
For those you care enough about to try to be honest with them - each is an individual choice.

Good luck. Don't let it become some pressure. Just live & love.

GS
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  #54  
Old 04-03-2010, 12:24 AM
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DreamGal DreamGal is offline
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Irishjack,

I understand why you wanted to "Come Out". It can be hard to keep something, that you feel is a part of you, all bottled up inside. The ones who don't understand you and are giving you a hard time probably just don't feel it is a lifestyle for them. So they don't know how to react to your situation.

Maybe some day they will come around and accept it... then again, maybe not. Whatever happens, know that you are true to yourself and try to understand that they just have a different perspective on life. It's ok to be who you are. Just don't forget to let them be who they are. If it bothers them too much, try not to flaunt it in front of them. We can all live with acceptance and understanding if we just respect and acknowledge that we are all different in many ways.

Take care and good luck with your situation! If you ever want to talk about it, feel free to message me.
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  #55  
Old 04-03-2010, 03:03 AM
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irishjack irishjack is offline
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thanks for the words guys. so much appreciated. really do feel like a loner a lot of the time in all this and caught in the bitter irony of having to lose a beautiful intimacy with my wife in order to pursue more intimacies. i'm just at the very beginning of what will be a long, long journey. trying to be true to myself (as polonius advised!) but frig it's a hard path at times.

peace.
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  #56  
Old 04-05-2010, 03:27 PM
CFstasha CFstasha is offline
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I felt the same way when I started coming out to family as childfree, which became an amazingly complicated ordeal with family that I wasn't prepared for. We haven't even told my in-laws that we're never planning children; the bulk of the judgment comes from the fact that we don't have them YET (and we're only 32/33!) I never considered being childless by choice to be a controversial "lifestyle" choice until I started telling people about it. Especially since I don't really feel this is a choice; it's how I'm wired and the only choice involved is choosing not to push myself into something because that's "normal". It's hard as hell.

I cannot even imagine what my in-laws would say if they found out I wasn't monogamous with my husband. Because of that, I don't see myself ever being open with family about this, and that makes me sad. Already I want to tell my mom, who I'm pretty close with, about my boyfriend, but I know she'd never ever ever ever understand, so she looks at me confused when I say things like "I'm spending the weekend with my best friend's boyfriend", so even that much information is hard to share.

Good luck to you as you go through this so openly!! It takes a lot of courage, and that's such a shame.
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  #57  
Old 04-05-2010, 05:21 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Tough question, but a valid influence I believe. How much of your family's hurt and anger is attributed to their sense that you abandoned your new daughter and couldn't handle the responsibility of being a dad? This might be more of a concern to them than poly ever could be.
I know something about losing a daughter so I feel for you and hope you will be able to be a part of her life.

Take care
Mono
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Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 04-05-2010 at 11:14 PM.
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  #58  
Old 04-05-2010, 08:32 PM
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ladyjools ladyjools is offline
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We are out with everyone we know, and i mean everyone from my gran, to the people i work with. It has not been easy but at same time it does have its rewards. I feel far more free knowing that everyone knows and im not trying to keep it a secret like its something i should be ashamed off,

i been called lots of horrible names, whore, slut, greedy but, then i did have support from some people i didn't expect it, and others who i think have a far greater understanding to the alternatives of monogomy because they have talked to us,

i would not change being out dispite it being extreemly difficult

Jools
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  #59  
Old 04-06-2010, 05:35 AM
booklady78 booklady78 is offline
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I've just come out to most of my family within the last few weeks and it has been both liberating and heartbreaking. All of our friends have been so incredibly loving and supportive. Family has ranged from concerned to confused to indifferent, but mostly our relationships with them are still intact.
I've completely ruined my relationship with my Dad over it though. It's still very early, but I've disappointed him and he's ashamed of me. As a daughter who has spent her whole life wanting him to be proud of me, his reaction was devestating. I'm having to learn to let go of my need for his approval, and it's so hard. He's withdrawn his love and support until I'm 'done with all of it' meaning my poly relationships.
I'm not willing to sacrifice what I have with my husband and bf, I'm happier than I've ever been. That doesn't mean there's no pain at having to step away from the relationship I have with my Dad.
I can only imagine the pain you are going through having lost your spouse. I hope that your poly journey brings you much happiness though, because it really can.
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  #60  
Old 07-06-2010, 04:41 PM
X-User1335 X-User1335 is offline
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Default How do you tell others?

I realize that many relationships on here are different than the kind that my husband, myself, and our girlfriend have. So, with that in mind please advise the best way you can! Thanks!

My husband and I have a girlfriend. Things are getting serious and we're looking into the future and some questions are coming up.

What do you say to family members about your girlfriend becoming a permenant part of your family?

I, the female, have full custody of my child who is 15. The x sees him about once a year and I don't think he'd kick up to much trouble over it anyway, but could this cause problems for me in regards to keeping custody of my son? How would I explaine to the Judge that our girlfriend lives with us?

I know those questions are loaded. Any advice would be helpful though as these are things that we are starting to look at and wonder how they would unfold.
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