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Old 07-05-2010, 03:16 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Originally Posted by eternalsoul View Post
Thanks, that was only mildly offensive. My communication skills are pretty great actually, but I guess me wanting to spare my girlfriend's feelings and risk doing harm to my relationship of three years is just retarded because I mean, being in a relationship for three years obviously means that I should just flat out tell my girlfriend that I want to bring a man into our relationship and shift the whole dynamic. It's not like it's a life changing decision or anything considering I am not just looking to date around--I'm looking for a family down the road.
I think the idea is that if you've got a good relationship that has lasted three years, you should be able to talk about most any topic at all without it negatively affecting your relationship. Seriously, if you can't bring up any given topic of conversation at this point, then there is strong reason to question your communication skills.

And asking about interest is not the same thing as simply dumping a major change wholesale on your girlfriend. After three years, if your relationship is good and your communication is good, asking about interest in a poly arrangment--especially when you're both conversant with what it is--shouldn't be a cause of much stress. You're not announcing plans to bring in a new man the next weekend or anything so drastic, I'll assume, so I think your fear of a negative reaction is unjustified.

She may not be interested. I doubt she'll be upset at you asking, though she likely will want to know why you ask.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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coming out, coming out poly, communication, dating, disclosure, help sought, ldr, long distance love, new and confused, new to poly

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