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Old 07-05-2010, 03:16 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
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Originally Posted by eternalsoul View Post
Thanks, that was only mildly offensive. My communication skills are pretty great actually, but I guess me wanting to spare my girlfriend's feelings and risk doing harm to my relationship of three years is just retarded because I mean, being in a relationship for three years obviously means that I should just flat out tell my girlfriend that I want to bring a man into our relationship and shift the whole dynamic. It's not like it's a life changing decision or anything considering I am not just looking to date around--I'm looking for a family down the road.
I think the idea is that if you've got a good relationship that has lasted three years, you should be able to talk about most any topic at all without it negatively affecting your relationship. Seriously, if you can't bring up any given topic of conversation at this point, then there is strong reason to question your communication skills.

And asking about interest is not the same thing as simply dumping a major change wholesale on your girlfriend. After three years, if your relationship is good and your communication is good, asking about interest in a poly arrangment--especially when you're both conversant with what it is--shouldn't be a cause of much stress. You're not announcing plans to bring in a new man the next weekend or anything so drastic, I'll assume, so I think your fear of a negative reaction is unjustified.

She may not be interested. I doubt she'll be upset at you asking, though she likely will want to know why you ask.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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Old 07-07-2010, 11:04 PM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Vegas, Baby!
Posts: 348

*shrug* - maybe it's because I had a lesbian couple as room mates for a while, but I picked up VERY quickly in the OP that this was a quad-X chromosome relationship situation, lol.

I'm going to echo what a lot of others have said - just bring it up. Subtely or bluntly - that depends on how you two talk about things otherwise. But do it. It is scary, but its a lot easier than it seems.

Think of how many of your statements/quotes were along the lines of "why don't they just" or "wouldn't it just be easier/better if they". From the outside looking in, miscomminications between couples or friends or any cloe group look simple and silly; in the mix, they're intimidating and scary. Rely on the connection that has kept you together for so long to make sense of the subject, and go for it.

Frankly, based on what you posted, I think you're both in a veyr similar mindset and are both scared to just elevate the topic. Total conjecture based on incomplete data on my part, but call it a strong gut feeling. She'll be more receptive than you are worried she'll be either way, because she loves you.
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