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  #21  
Old 07-28-2009, 06:49 AM
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Ahhh, vandolin I'm so sorry it didn't work out.... hope you are getting lots of lovin' from your hubby.
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  #22  
Old 07-28-2009, 02:28 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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Awww. I'm sorry this didn't work out the way you'd hoped. I'm glad your hubby is there to help with the healing.
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  #23  
Old 07-28-2009, 07:44 PM
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((hugs)) I too recently went through a break up. It hurts.
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  #24  
Old 07-28-2009, 09:20 PM
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Default Re: Long info dump vent

[QUOTE=vandalin;2575]
Through this whole time I am telling my hubby that I was having these conversations, downplaying the details of course and was surprised at first that he didn't have a problem with it in fact he encouraged it as it seemed to help our almost non-existent sex life (main reason we are going to couples counseling). One night, I half-jokingly suggested starting a "harem". And then I remembered some of the books I'd read being a sci-fi/fantasy nut (Friday bring the main recall) and realized that maybe this was a viable possibility. When I mentioned it to my hubby, he thought about it and then said, lets see what happens, figure out how it would work.

It is unfortunate that the relationship did not work out as you hoped it would. But the one thing that jumps out at me is the fact that both you and your husband came alive with the "poly-possibility." The fact that you two agree on that could well be a solid foundation for a very exciting and love filled future.

Barry
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  #25  
Old 07-29-2009, 07:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quath View Post
Will just being friends, maybe even sexual friends, be something you would want?
Personally I might not mind so much, but it would be one-sided on the emotion front. I love him as a friend and romantically while he is telling me that he loves me as a friend and is physically attracted to me, but says that he does not love me romantically. He says we have a special connection, that he doesn't want to be in a relationship where he doesn't feel a romantic connection...and the circles are going around and around.

I haven't had a chance to talk to him again as I just got home last night, spent the night in a hotel room with my hubby to get that wonderful safe feeling that I was missing all day, and just finally got back to our house. I plan on starting in depth email conversations with him especially my mind is not recalling everything that was said. Sometime my brain retains the written word better than the spoken word.

Through all this, I know there is something still missing. Something he is not telling me. I know he is not seeing anyone else although there is a gal he may be interested in, he was pretty certain that he didn't want to start a full-time relationship with anyone until his other issues are dealt with.

So now to try to get to the bottom of things again, perhaps it will be easier for him to be fully honest with that 400 mile barrier again.
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Last edited by vandalin; 07-29-2009 at 10:08 PM.
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  #26  
Old 07-30-2009, 02:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vandalin View Post
Personally I might not mind so much, but it would be one-sided on the emotion front. .
That statement alone should be a warning to you. You sound like a person who attaches emotions to sex in a deep way. If kissing caused confusion and mixed messages imagine what having intercourse will do. You don't want to end up feeling used in this.

I'm not saying give up but know when to salvage what you can and move on.

Sorry if this is blunt, take care.
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  #27  
Old 07-30-2009, 02:15 AM
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Blunt can be good and needed at times. When thinking about the idea of a one-sided sexual relationship, or even just one time together, I am reminded of a Bonnie Raitt song, I can't make you love me. If he was being completely honest with me about his feelings and not just trying to "protect" one or both of us, then this song would be exactly what it would be like and I feel that I could move on afterwards, stop the fight, and on my end, I would have no problem remaining his friend.

But I really doubt he would choose to go through with it because he wouldn't want to hurt me any more than he has, which is comendable on his part and I appreciate that he is thinking of my feelings so much.

I have a bunch of questions to put to him and to get answers for, but until those come, I will have to wait patiently and just continue on. I have a wonderful husband, who took the day off to help me and make me feel safe and secure again. Now I only have to deal with the pain and a possibly nosy mother...but we shall see.

I will keep all updated though... Part of me still thinks that it's completely over and we shall always remain simply best friends. But there is still that dreamer (pipe dream perhaps) that thinks he's just hiding his true feelings for now until he feels safer to express them. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
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  #28  
Old 07-30-2009, 02:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vandalin View Post
I have a wonderful husband, who took the day off to help me and make me feel safe and secure again. .
I'm straight and I love your husband LOL! I am always amazed at the strenght of some spouses. There is no way I could do that when I was married. Hold on to him like your life depends on it
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  #29  
Old 07-30-2009, 02:25 AM
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Oh I do, so very very much. Even if we hadn't discovered my poly-ness, he is still the most wonderful man I could have found, and he also picked me...so I feel imensly lucky that he is willing to stick with me through all this. He's even willing to work with me if I find someone else if all of this turns to naught.

He is truly an exceptional and wonderful man.
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  #30  
Old 07-30-2009, 02:35 AM
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I know one myself..Redpepper's husband.

She is also a very, very lucky woman. That is why I will never let my presence hurt them. I would deny my intimate love for her if it came between them. He is the only person that I think loves her more, because he is strong enough to enjoy her love for me. Makes me sad in a way, and yet happy knowing he is always there for her.

Take care and heal well
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