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View Poll Results: What type of poly origin did you have?
I've always had poly tendencies and never really took to monogamy 10 17.24%
I've always had poly tendencies and tried to be monogamous before 20 34.48%
I fell in love with a poly person and have adapted to the lifestyle 3 5.17%
Other 25 43.10%
Voters: 58. You may not vote on this poll

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  #71  
Old 06-26-2010, 04:09 AM
all1legs all1legs is offline
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I love this explanation from response above:

"I'm free to relate to each person in my life in the way that makes the most sense for the two of us."

There are some people who you encounter in your life who you really care for and bring a lot to your life, but who you simply can't maintain purely platonic feelings for. The sense of what this person will bring to your life when you fully realize that relationship outweighs the "simplicity" of maintaining monogomy. To deny your feelings feels like a repression of your identity, and the weight of that repression is more than you care to live with. Even if your primary relationship feels very whole and happy, you realize that your own identity and self is bigger than one relationship, and that self can have further capacity for want and need than any one relationship can provide.

Those are my 2 cents, but so new to this and still learning so much about myself daily.
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  #72  
Old 06-27-2010, 12:02 AM
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Default Very perceptive!

This explanation does it for me. It also helps me better understand my partner.

Thanks
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  #73  
Old 06-27-2010, 11:13 PM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
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I started to answer this morning but had to take the day to think about it & I'm still not 100% sure of my reasons.

I've tried monogamy twice. The first time might have worked if other things hadn't gone horribly wrong. The second time there's no way things would have worked whether poly or mono.

I'm poly because that's the way I best relate to people.

I can't be someone's one & only. I have many different interests & I expect my partners do as well. I tried the 'one & only' way and found it impossible. I can't spend 24/7 with someone, I have to have outside relationships in order to get other needs met.

Well companie's here so gotta go.
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  #74  
Old 06-28-2010, 05:42 AM
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Bucephalus Bucephalus is offline
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While thinking over my answer to this thread, I just conjectured something about myself that would somewhat scare me, if it's true.

I learned about the concept of polyamory a few years ago, when I was a freshman in highschool, from a novel I was reading. (Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert Heinlein) Perhaps I fell in love with the description of a loving, polyamorous household. The idea of loving many without dilution was beautiful and desirable; not once did I think I was not capable of such a love. Since then, I have been philosophically polyamorous.

Looking back, I found my beliefs confusing. As a younger child, I had always been a hopeless romantic, in love with love, always looking for it, always fantasizing about finding the one, my prince.

I looked deeper and decided that the seeds of polyamory were already there, even at that young age, when I hadn't yet been exposed to the idea that polyamory even existed. As an innocent elementary schooler, I had been prone to having crushes on several boys at once, even when I had a boy who I "liked" (I guess, a "primary crush"). But, such could also be seen as keeping my options open.

That unconscious mindset has stayed with me to this day. In the meantime, I acquired one long-lasting unrequited love that shall never come to fruition and one long-lasting turbulent love that has recently become my lover. So, I see the possibility for being polyamorous has already manifested in me.

The only problem is, I still long for a perfect monogamous love as much as perfect polyamorus love. My current lover is not my perfect match in a monogamous way, nor are my crushes. Sometimes, I say that I would become monogamous if I found the right partner.

I fear that I am only polyamorous because my ideals are high and therefore cannot be met in one person. I fear that I love multiple because I think that one is not enough. I fear that that is not polyamory without dilution. I fear that this will lead to hurting those that I love.

I fear this post is too long. :P
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  #75  
Old 06-28-2010, 08:06 AM
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Default @Bucephalus

Perfect relationships are not about finding a perfect person or people but about loving imperfect people/person perfectly. Someone is going to jump in here and say there is not such thing as a perfect relationship but I have to disagree. For me a relationship that pushes my buttons and my boundaries and makes me grow is just perfect.

smiles

Sage

Last edited by sage; 06-28-2010 at 11:40 AM. Reason: more thoughts
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  #76  
Old 06-28-2010, 11:54 AM
DharmaBum23 DharmaBum23 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sage View Post
Perfect relationships are not about finding a perfect person or people but about loving imperfect people/person perfectly. Someone is going to jump in here and say there is not such thing as a perfect relationship but I have to disagree. For me a relationship that pushes my buttons and my boundaries and makes me grow is just perfect.

smiles

Sage

I'm afraid that, to me, that is definitely a YMMV thing. For me, every aspect of my life pushes my buttons and boundaries and makes me grow. My workplace demands a high level of quality, my spiritual life requires that I confront my personal challenges on a daily basis, and my physical pursuits push me to my absolute limit. For me, my relationships have to at least sometimes not add to the almost insane challenge of everyday life.
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  #77  
Old 06-28-2010, 02:38 PM
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For me a perfect relationship is one that fills me with comfort and peace. I'm not into being pushed or challenged. Keep it simple and keep it calm.
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  #78  
Old 06-28-2010, 03:44 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sage View Post
Perfect relationships are not about finding a perfect person or people but about loving imperfect people/person perfectly. Someone is going to jump in here and say there is not such thing as a perfect relationship but I have to disagree. For me a relationship that pushes my buttons and my boundaries and makes me grow is just perfect.

smiles

Sage
I would agree for me. I like a challenge, obstacles etc. But not everyone does ...I liek the growth it forces on me. I find it far to easy to stagnate in life.
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  #79  
Old 07-01-2010, 04:45 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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I've been thinking about how to phrase this since this topic was started. Bear with me as I'm not having the easiest time with how to express myself. One of the reasons I'm poly is because of the extra support. There's almost always someone who can step in and be the strong shoulder to lean on when things aren't going well elsewhere in your life and in your relationships. It's having those extra listning ears who are there for you and who have your best interests at heart.

I really saw this last week with redpepper. She was going through a tough time and I saw Mono step in and be what she needed at that moment. Having those different people around with different personalities helps you to move through things quicker and get to a healthy place again. Ideally everyone involved is invested in seeing all the connected relationships suceed.

-Derby
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  #80  
Old 07-01-2010, 05:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
I really saw this last week with redpepper. She was going through a tough time and I saw Mono step in and be what she needed at that moment. Having those different people around with different personalities helps you to move through things quicker and get to a healthy place again. Ideally everyone involved is invested in seeing all the connected relationships succeed.
you stepped in too sweets. Don't under estimate what you mean to me and how my making myself vulnerable has made our connection deeper.

I agree entirely, sometimes it's like having a circle of BFF's. I feel truly blessed to be a part of that and be able to give to that in return sometimes.
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