Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 06-30-2010, 04:55 PM
wiwomanhere wiwomanhere is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Wisconsinville
Posts: 1
Default This was MY idea...what have I done????

I guess there is a need for some background here...

I am a very social, outgoing. Affection is my middle name. Need a hand? I'm your girl. Wrong me? Not good. Apologize sincerely? It's all good.

Hubby...Introvert, emotionally unavailable, loyal, funnier than hell, secretive, patient, forgiving, clueless.

We are very much the typical Cleaver family. We live in the suburbs, higher than average salary, nicer than average house. More kids than the average 2.2, lol I have a medical background but have since stopped practicing, due to my having 4 kids in 21 months. Triplets and then a bonus child. I have been working in direct (party) sales and have been successful at it.

Immediately after getting married (which was 9 months after we started dating) he became comfortable, withdrawn, very much the hermit state in which he seems the most comfortable. I was very lonely, very (situationally) sad and very isolated, This is not who I am, or the conditions in which I am comfortable living. I am, as I said social, I enjoy entertaining and being entertained. We got in a fight every time I talked about having company over or accepting an invitation Very hard, very smothering.

We quickly came to the understanding that our boundaries would be respected. I pretty much came and went as I pleased and he was left to his computer...
I love and loved my husband dearly and looking elsewhere was NEVER my intention or goal.
we got along well and still do. I feel that my husband is my best friend. We very much enjoy each others company.

I, to this day will just text my husband to tell him I love him. Call him his bad sexy self. Leaving a note under his pillow before a trip is not uncommon. For him to offer an unsolicited "I love you" hand holding, or even much of a response when I initiate, is unheard of. Ok maybe the response a little but no unsolicited affections. It is very...lonely.

I have always been interested in women. There is a physical attraction and long story short my best friend asked me about us getting together. I have always been so honest and loyal with my husband and I brought it up to him. He said he was oK with it. She lives a long ways away but I saw her shortly after that. A physical relationship did ensue. He decided he could not handle it and wanted in. We had a threesome. They continued a relationship behind my back, and was made to think I was crazy for suspecting anything. His intention was to get off, her intention was to have me to herself. Ended really, really bad. I lost a lover as well as a best friend. And I didn't trust my husband further than I could throw him. She gave me all of their email exchanges, and he spied on me on my computer...a part of me died, but I made it through. I was committed, no matter what. Frankly, he didn't change, he was the same even keeled emotionless person I had known for 8 years.
fast forward...I am still very lonely but adjusted at this point. I started to play online euchre and started to talk to someone. He lived a long way away but we spent a considerable amount of talking on the computer. It was emotional CPR. I remembered what it was to be alive. I pursued more online relationships, hubby learned about it from spying on me (again...a form of rape if you ask me). He talked to me and basically said it was OK. It was good to see me happy again. he would deal with it. Gradually this moved to physical encounters.He started a relationship with a single woman. My intention was to only see married men (please don't flame me, it is just safer that way...in theory). I just wanted the TLC and such that I was missing. He has become very involved wiht this woman, sleepovers twice a month, saw her on Father's day and his birthday. I feel like, from my perspective it is too much. That is from my current way of thinking. Now I am wondering if I just need a paradigm shift. Do I jsut need to let him fall in love wiht another woman and trust that he wont leave? do I need to do the same?
I feel like I am dealing with all of this anger, hurt, resentment. the irony of the situation I am in now is too much to handle sometimes I am here because of what he cant/wont give me but he is giving it to her and in some ways I am lonelier than ever. Neither of us wants to leave...he is my best friend, and I am his...for now...There is SO much more to this story but I will stop here...HELP!
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 05:14 AM.