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  #11  
Old 06-24-2010, 03:35 AM
wench wench is offline
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Originally Posted by dazedandlost View Post
I would suggest goin very slow. Having just barely, and I mean barely, gotten thru my own issues of insecurity and jealousy. Try very hard to always listen, even if it is the same issues. Not sure about your husband, but I have a very "bad" habit of over thinking everything. Try to be there for him. Its very hard for most men to deal with the insecurity of you wanting to have another love or lover. We as men usually start to thing that we are being replaced. So i would suggest lots of communication and patience. Good luck.
i found out he over-exaggerates things before they hit his brain, and we are working on that...
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  #12  
Old 06-24-2010, 03:41 AM
wench wench is offline
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oh yeah, and he feels that just by talking to this other guy, even as friends only, that i am starting the process of cheating, and by just admitting feelings to someone else i have cheated, where my definitions of cheating differ from his in that we haven't done anything (and definitely don't want to until he would be okay with it...) so where i feel that i have held myself back and not cheated, he feels i have... *sigh* lol just keep talking, more talking, and talking again : )
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  #13  
Old 06-25-2010, 08:47 PM
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racer812 racer812 is offline
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We men are by nature very possessive and controlling. HA! I hear it already, someone on this board is gonna call me out on that statement, Not all men are that way. When my wife and I were swingin, it didn't bother me that there other people that I shared her with. Hell we were both sharing. Then when she found her high school sweetie, I just knew he was gonna try to take her away from me. Now I see that most of the negative thoughts that I have are my own doing. My wife and I are on the verge of splitting up because of my mind. Your hubby sees your male friend as a threat, plain and simple. If it helps, think of your hubby as a male dog. He's protecting what is his, you. He is marking his territory, you. These are the things that I'm trying to get under control so I don't drive my love away. Its very hard for me to look at the wifes highschool sweety as a friend instead of an enemy. Don't give up. If I can grow and learn, I bet your hubby can too! If he is willing, let him read this forum. Theres lots of good success stories here. Thats what I have been doin and its helping.
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  #14  
Old 06-26-2010, 06:17 AM
wench wench is offline
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Originally Posted by dazedandlost View Post
If he is willing, let him read this forum. Theres lots of good success stories here. Thats what I have been doin and its helping.
he's not quite ready to yet, but plans on getting on here soon to start researching...
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  #15  
Old 06-26-2010, 07:18 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by dazedandlost View Post
We men are by nature very possessive and controlling.
Arg...I would only call out the statement simply because you are assigning it to gender. There are more than the fair share of possessive and controlling woman. I don't believe it is a gender based "quality" at all...
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  #16  
Old 06-26-2010, 09:56 PM
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racer812 racer812 is offline
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I knew someone would call me out for that statement. Hahahaha! I only assign it to men because I are one. Thats all. But you do bring up a valid point. I have seen women exhibit the same things.
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  #17  
Old 06-27-2010, 07:49 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Oooh...that's a good start. Let us know how it progresses!
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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