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Old 06-26-2010, 01:12 AM
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clairegoad clairegoad is offline
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Default On the outside, looking in.

I've been lurking for a while. It's time to post.

I'm a 49 year old (my birthday is Monday) hetero female who was in a mono relationship for many years. BK and I broke up, two years ago. Via the Internet, he met & started dating a married woman who lives many states away (Bar). I knew they were flirting shamelessly online, but it never dawned on me...

And then Bar said in an e-mail that they have a physical romantic relationship, I have been wrapping my mind around Polyamory.

Then in the course of explaining their relationship to me, BK mentions that my 23 yo daughter is in a Triad. Well, I've avoided labels with her, because... well, I'm her mother. "Daughter" is the only label I care about. But that does explain the couple she kept talking about.

I have been wrapping my mind around Polyamory. I went to a Tampa Poly meeting at TGIFridays - mentioned on another thread. Great group of people, friendly, warm, interesting. Lots of Sci-fi fans. And I remember reading The Moon is a Harsh Mistress by Heinlein. I always wanted the stability of a line marriage. Maybe... next time.

So my goal is to be ready for a relationship... poly or not. And adopt the "continuous personal growth" philosophy that I've seen many write.

So I'm just a celebate hetero female. Currently uninvolved, just watching.. learning, and taking notes.
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Old 06-26-2010, 04:30 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Welcome aboard.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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Old 06-26-2010, 05:58 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Default :)

Hi there ! Welcome to the board, it`s great to have you here.
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Old 06-26-2010, 07:13 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Welcome to the forum, and happy birthday
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Old 06-26-2010, 09:17 PM
immaterial immaterial is offline
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Nice to meet you Claire, and thnaks for the background research you did on the term polyamory in a different thread. Happy birthday!

Immaterial
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Old 06-27-2010, 09:41 PM
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Endicott Endicott is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clairegoad View Post
I've been lurking for a while. It's time to post.

I....Currently uninvolved, just watching.. learning, and taking notes.
Nice way to be... and when the time comes and you want to take the dive, you'll be well informed. Good for you!
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Old 06-28-2010, 05:45 AM
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clairegoad clairegoad is offline
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Originally Posted by Endicott View Post
Nice way to be... and when the time comes and you want to take the dive, you'll be well informed. Good for you!
It's actually very self serving.. I dated the same man for 20 years. Everything has changed. While individuals may still act in traditional ways, the general culture has moved beyond the rules I learned as a teen. (Women don't call men. Don't kiss on the first date. Don't have sex to avoid getting pregnant. If a man pays for dinner, he'll expect sex. etc.)

So learning from y'all... I see the broader picture. Eventually I may become involved in a poly relationship... but I'd have to start with myself.. with the communication skills, and strategies. Because I've got options now. --but I don't have time to act on every option.

and I really do love Heinlein, and it is time to hunt down The Moon is a Harsh Mistress and read it again.
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Old 06-29-2010, 10:26 PM
sanignacio08 sanignacio08 is offline
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Default Hello clairegoad!

Hi,it seems we're in somewhat of a similar place in our lives re: the poly lifestyle.My husband and I would love to meet that special woman/couple to share our lives with,we have so much to give;unfortunately can't see it happenning due to our location.

I'm also new to the forum,but welcome! There's so much to learn here.
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Old 06-30-2010, 01:33 AM
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clairegoad clairegoad is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sanignacio08 View Post
Hi,it seems we're in somewhat of a similar place in our lives re: the poly lifestyle.My husband and I would love to meet that special woman/couple to share our lives with,we have so much to give;unfortunately can't see it happening due to our location.

I'm also new to the forum,but welcome! There's so much to learn here.
You don't mention where you live. I've recently been looking around okcupid. There are quite a few polys there. Be open to possibilities.

In talking about this, I've found polys tend to create a setting where they are open to loving multiple people, and they find the people to love. Some people don't even know that "poly" is what they are... they've just created a relationship with more than the standard number of legs, arms, etc.

It seems that when swingers get tired of the swinging scene, some settle down into Quads or other Poly friendly groupings. Monos or singles can fold into a relationship with polys.

Don't just look for the label. Look at the person, and how they would fit into your life.

Okay, maybe you live in a remote part of Montana, and there isn't anyone nearby. There's always the option of someone coming to visit, at least for a while to establish a relationship.
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  #10  
Old 06-30-2010, 03:04 AM
sanignacio08 sanignacio08 is offline
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We're both retired and have made our new home in the central american country of Belize. Having only been here a few months does not lend to being in the know as to where/how one would go about meeting others with similar lifestyles. I am bi,hubby str8,we're not seeking one night stands,but an LTR.

I do agree though,that one must be open to the unexpected!

Thanks.
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