g/f is changing, now I feel uncomfortable
Pertinent background: me 25, g/f(who we'll call beezy) 24, we're both BI
-we've been together in total for a 15 months however 5 months of that she had a fiance of 9 years
-We came from a short-lived quad swingers circle and ended up together out of it.
-We've been monogamous this entire time, as I believe our previous relationship traumatized her, and she has been extremely uncomfortable and insecure with me being poly(feeling i'll just find someone else and leave), so we agreed to have a monogamous relationship, which has been a trial for me.
-She comes from a wealthy jewish family, and feels she can not show me to her parents even though she's in love with me, because i'm 1. black 2. poor(by their standards)
Intro: She's bi, and we like to get our soft swap on(:P) sometimes, but she's made it clear she doesn't want me to F another girl and basically feels uncomfortable seeing me do almost anything with a girl. But a guy she's all for, you could basically call her a fag hag. I told her I view my bi-sexual fairly equally, and sensual relations with both sexes are important. Lately she been texting and talking to a lot people and it's made me happy but a bit...odd, like I had a feeling something wasn't right. She's been depressed for a while after her ex leaving her, and now she's starting to talk more to her friends so I've generally been happy about this.
She's been going on several "dates", supposedly friendly in nature with several people that she's known in the past. I've been feeling iffy about them, but I haven't felt too threatened; my only beef was why they had to go out with such "formality" as a date. Why can't you just "go out and kick it" with your friend? i do it all the time :/ Even if it is the first time seeing them for a while...IMHO she's somewhat of a slut...not that it's a bad thing, I am too, but she doesn't "understand" why 1. she doesn't get along with women, 2. most of her male friends always end up professing their love to her.
Through the past couple of weeks, she's been asking questions about poly relationships, and has been talking to a friend of hers(who is from the past influentially, and knowingly wants her) about polyamory. Asking me what a primary vs a secondary is, and etc.
After going out with I think 3 guy friends on "dates", they seem to all have failed in such a way where when she went out with them and they were either racist, they were pompous ass-holes, or just weren't the people she remembered. I felt even more uncomfortable about this feeling that the people she went out with were on a "trial", but I let it go.
Story: The beginning of this week she goes out with this guy "Ace" we'll call him. She's been texting him for about a week now, and he came out to Vegas to visit her. After she comes home, she has this happy feeling about her...but not the normal kind. The kind of happy feeling a women gets when her spark has been lit...(see issues below about this) The events that followed were...
-The next day I come home and see all sorts of pictures of Ace on her laptop(he's stupid hot) I find out he's wealthy via his parents and consequently he's a pro opera singer.
-She tells me, Ace wants to take her on a 10 day cruise in europe...I say, "f that, i couldn't take off that much time from work", she says "really? not even for europe?"
-The next day(yesterday) she tells me Ace is BI, and more about his past. He dated a guy(when he was also with a girl) and some more history.
-She starts telling me that she's starting to "feel things" about guys now, where as before she only wanted girls. She starts saying it might be a possibility given certain circumstances. She asks how I feel about it, If i think the problems will occur with our last relationship, if I still want to be with girls and things like that. I'm puzzled but I assure her we'd work through it with good communication, and we'd talk about it when we got there...little did I know, she is already there.(see issues below)
The skinnyedit: beezy has an addictive personality)
Last night after getting in bed she falls asleep quickly. I'm a bit wired from our conversation, and found it somewhat hard to immediately go to sleep. About 5 minutes pass by and I hear a high pitched sigh. I raise my head and say "you ok baby?"...no response. I hear another moan, and turn around, she's completely still and starts smacking her lips. "is she dreaming?", I wonder. I don't wait long, and she started to moan sexually...I automatically know it's about "Ace". She moans again, "aaahhh", and I start to get jealous. I can't believe she fell asleep that quickly and started dreaming about him! She's obviously completely infatuated with him His name is phonetically simple, so she could have been moaning him name but it sounded incoherent. Every moan that passed I was waiting for her to moan his name...I felt crazy jealous but...kind of aroused. I've never witness her have a wet dream before, and she has a hot moan :/ I know i'm horrible hahaha. Then to my surprise she moans MY NAME! I feel instantly relieved, and at this point i'm crazy excited. I'm inside of her, and she wakes out of her daze. She says "! baby, what are you doin'?" I said, "you were dreaming about your infatuation, and I was a bit jealous until you started my name too " "she laughs hysterically...and we continue.
So i decide to play into it, and ask her about her dream while we're being intimate. She goes through the motions of her fantasy, and eventually reveals that she wants it to happen in real life "really really bad."
My Issues: Nothing has happened yet, but given the facts, i'm not comfortable with the amount of plausibility of worst case scenarios.
-I feel extremely shitty that she completely denied all attempts to talk about polyamory until she meets some guy that does "something" for her. I won't speculate about what that something is until I talk with her
-She asked me "how do you think we could keep from letting "our" emotions run rampid?". This makes me feel like all the talks about NRE and what it did to us just fucking went out the window. I feel I've learned so much, and for her to be at this level of questioning upsets me.
The fact is...i'm ALREADY getting jealous, it's a bad sign. I'm writing to figure out things in my head, and get perspective from you guys, because you're awesome
peace & love
-"There hasn't been a person i've been with that I didn't love for 10 seconds to 10 years." David Duchovny
Last edited by rpcrazy; 06-25-2010 at 03:39 PM.