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  #41  
Old 10-07-2009, 01:33 AM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Hey lovingradiance, thanks for sharing your story btw, again, by sharing healing happens as it offers well earned knowledge and wisdom to others in need....

It is hard to fess up to cheating. I too did it and am still embarrassed and ashamed... it was years and years ago, a one shot thing, I vowed to never do it again.

What continued was my guilt about being in love with others and the guilt continued because I had the potential to do it again because I couldn't act on that love.... no problem now that I am poly. I can fully accept and feel no guilt because of my understanding of myself in the context of poly.
I don't have an issue with acknowledging where I went wrong. I know I was wrong.
I did feel somewhat stupid when I found the term poly-because I thought-GOD NO WONDER I'VE BEEN A F-UP IN RELATIONSHIPS. Because I always have felt love for more than one person at a time AND I am bi. But now that Maca and I are on the same page with one another-I feel more real than I have in my whole life.
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  #42  
Old 10-07-2009, 03:55 AM
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Um, this is a public forum, not a poly group. We all need to remember that we are on here to give our opinion and to do with information what we will. It's not about judging each other... if you are feeling judged anyone then I suggest you are investing too much emotion in this....

I gotta say that I recent that I put my time and energy into this forum and to be thought of as "judging" really frustrates me. If people don't want an opinion from me or anyone else on here, then I suggest you don't tell us your story.

We aren't here to be nice to each other always. We can get that from those close in our lives.... I said it before, it's kind of like driving in traffic. We have our opinion on how people should drive, but they never hear us when we are talking about it in our car as we watch them. On here, you hear us.... end of story.

Enough said, I just spent all day on this thread and feel like I wasted my time.... I'm not spending all night too... besides I am ready to spend time with Mono now.....
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  #43  
Old 10-07-2009, 03:58 AM
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Gee RP-I sure hope that wasnt in response to my reply to you! I appreciated your kindness and was just acknowledging that I don't have an issue admitting I f'd up cheating.

I sure hope I missed something-cause I didn't think you were being judgmental and wasn't upset with you.

Have fun with mono.
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  #44  
Old 10-07-2009, 03:02 PM
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Thank you lovingradiance, it was no particular person really.

I have VERY strong feelings about cheating, as you can see and very firm beliefs.... those beliefs come from hard earned experience and on the misfortunes of others...

I am always willing to sway my opinion and although I am a hard ass about certain things, I am open to hearing both sides of the coin. PLEASE DON'T GET ME WRONG IN THIS! I just can not see any positives to cheating AT ALL. There is always a better alternative in my opinion.

I guess I just find it hard to swallow that someone would say that I am judging when they are obviously judging me by even saying that. I'm not stupid, I know that there is far more going on in peoples lives than we read on here. I know this because there is far more going on in my life than what is said on here.

Please don't assume that if you read stuff on a forum that people say that you know them. You know one small portion of their life and that IS IT. When I write on here it is to that portion of their life that I have an opinion, not of them as people. I don't know them, they don't know me. If I want to get to know them or them me then I invest the time elsewhere, not on here. I have started some good friendships on this forum and I can say that they started when we talked away from here, not necessarily on here. Perspective on these things would be appreciated.
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  #45  
Old 10-07-2009, 07:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Thank you lovingradiance, it was no particular person really.

I have VERY strong feelings about cheating, as you can see and very firm beliefs.... those beliefs come from hard earned experience and on the misfortunes of others...

I am always willing to sway my opinion and although I am a hard ass about certain things, I am open to hearing both sides of the coin. PLEASE DON'T GET ME WRONG IN THIS! I just can not see any positives to cheating AT ALL. There is always a better alternative in my opinion.

I guess I just find it hard to swallow that someone would say that I am judging when they are obviously judging me by even saying that. I'm not stupid, I know that there is far more going on in peoples lives than we read on here. I know this because there is far more going on in my life than what is said on here.

Please don't assume that if you read stuff on a forum that people say that you know them. You know one small portion of their life and that IS IT. When I write on here it is to that portion of their life that I have an opinion, not of them as people. I don't know them, they don't know me. If I want to get to know them or them me then I invest the time elsewhere, not on here. I have started some good friendships on this forum and I can say that they started when we talked away from here, not necessarily on here. Perspective on these things would be appreciated.
I agree. I talked on another forum for 3 years. I made a few friends who I spoke with outside of that forum, but the truth is that it would be impossible to "know" one another in full strictly from what is shared on here!
I just noted that your message was directly after mine and didn't seem to fit in context to what I was saying.

At any rate-I understand what you are saying.
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  #46  
Old 06-23-2010, 10:50 AM
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Angry Cheaters posing as polys... ARG!!!

***---- Begin Rant ---***

Hey Everyone,

My wife and I have accounts on OKC and you will not believe how many guys message her claiming to be poly but "don't want their wife to know"... I mean, come on!! Why don't they just come out and say, "uhm, I am really trying to cheat on my spouse by faking a polyamorous relationship".

One guy, after asking him questions, stated that he was afraid his wife would divorce him if she found out. So, we asked him how his communication was with his wife. He stated "not so great, we never talk", hence we asked "so how can you be poly?" The guy was dumbfounded! After a few more questions, he admitted he was in a loveless marriage with 2 kids and was just looking for a casual hookup!!! The underlying message - He was attempting to cheat on his wife under the guise of being poly!!! Arg, how frustrating!!

Sorry, but I just had to blow off some steam to people who would understand..

Just, Arg!!!

***---- End Rant ---***
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  #47  
Old 06-23-2010, 11:23 AM
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I think there's a lot of mininformation about what polyamory actually is or means (says the woman who has been on the site a whole 3 days).

I believe it can serve as a 'convenient' word to use instead of saying 'married-but-looking' or 'married-but-want-to-bed-other-people'...whereas those people who truly *are* poly can see how ridiculous that is, because the whole basis of the poly-relationship is one established on openess and mutual understanding, trust, and care for the needs and wants of everyone in the relationship. Someone outside of that understanding just sees a handy word and uses it not caring to know what it actually means.

I can understand your frustration though!! Kinda like being sold a box of cookies, opening the box and finding it's empty. Meanwhile, the jerk who sold you it is going "yay! Profit!" and meanwhile his wife is at home trying to figure out where in the hell all her damned cookies went.
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  #48  
Old 06-23-2010, 02:35 PM
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Yes,..that is a everyday occurance, on any dating site. It becomes almost like a right of passage.

If you are not one to be easily manipulated, or to fall in the sack quickly, then those types dont ever get far.

I take a long time to get to know people, so the dumbasses I can see right through, and the ones smart enough to say all the right lines, tend to get impatient, and move on.
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  #49  
Old 06-23-2010, 02:57 PM
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I have never had this problem on a dating site ...
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  #50  
Old 06-23-2010, 03:09 PM
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is no one amazed at her investigation? hahahah

Kudos to you for actually asking the guy questions and prying information out of him. I kind of wish I was there, it sounds hilarious!
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