Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 06-16-2010, 02:53 PM
Emaretta's Avatar
Emaretta Emaretta is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 19
Default An article on Jealousy & therapists

I'm going through the mono-to-poly hell right now with my primary so I'm doing my best to help him work through his emotions before we lose each other, and I came across this article from a counselor who gives methods of how to cope and how to understand jealousy. I found it really informative and wanted to share

Also, does anyone know of any poly friendly therapists in the tampa bay area? I found this directory
http://www.polychromatic.com/pfp//main.php?groupid[]=5
and then this therapist.
http://www.thelovebirds4u.com/
anyone ever use them? thanks! And here's the jealousy article.

http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/P.../jealousy.html
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 06-17-2010, 08:31 AM
sage's Avatar
sage sage is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 611
Default Thanks for sharing

It's a good article, thanks for sharing. Can jealously ever completely eradicated do you think?

Sage
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 06-17-2010, 11:00 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by sage View Post
It's a good article, thanks for sharing. Can jealously ever completely eradicated do you think?

Sage
I'm not sure whether it's ever truly "eradicated".
But what happens is that it's recognized, understood at a deep level, and dealt with accordingly.

It's kind of like working out too hard at the gym. The first time - you pull a muscle. You're on your back for a week ! The next time you feel the pull. You have learned more about the muscles in your body and what their limitations are.
You back off ! You don't want to, but you know the outcome if you don't.

The more this repeats, the sooner you see it coming. It becomes second nature to back off and move to something else. A better outlook and way of handling things.

GS

PS: I also like the article. It gave some very simple straightforward explanations and some good, concrete steps you can take to minimize the impact in your life.

Last edited by GroundedSpirit; 06-17-2010 at 11:08 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 06-18-2010, 03:07 PM
joyfulgirl26 joyfulgirl26 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 36
Default

totally with GS on the jealousy thing and the gym metaphor. in fact, i'll use a yoga metaphor...which i do a lot, as i am a yoga geek and have found that yoga has taught me gobs about how my mind works.

if there is a pose that you really HATE in yoga (and i don't mean it hurts you, i just mean it's uncomfortable or you've been working on it for a long time and you're frustrated with it), it means that it has something to teach you. instead of avoiding it, or trying to eradicate the feelings it brings up, force yourself to examine WHY you have those feelings. discover what makes you uncomfortable about it.

are you scared? go out on a limb and try it...worst case: you fall, you fail, you learn what doesn't work, and you try again.

does it cause pain? examine why...is it because of an old injury? are you pushing yourself too hard, too far or too fast? look for the place of balance between pushing and resting.

jealousy (like fear or uneasiness) is one of those tricky things that likes to hide its true motivations. picking it apart and addressing each individual aspect of it is where the learning lies! jealousy isn't something to eradicate, it's another opportunity to grow!

Last edited by joyfulgirl26; 06-18-2010 at 08:58 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 06-18-2010, 08:51 PM
River's Avatar
River River is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 1,894
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by joyfulgirl26 View Post
jealousy (like fear or uneasiness) is one of those tricky things that likes to hide its true motivations. picking it apart and addressing each individual aspect of it is where the learning lies! jealousy isn't something to eradicate, it's another opportunity to grow!
That's very well said, Joyfulgirl! I agree completely. When the pain of jealousy arises, most of us want to run and hide, rather than to take a curious look at the thoughts and emotions/feelings which are there -- and how they are related. Just when we're being offered a great opportunity for major insight and freedom, we tend to turn away. Often blame is the method of this madness: "She/He did this to me!"

It takes courage to examine one's conditioning and habits of mind and heart. But that courage pays big. Thanks for your words of wisdom.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 06-19-2010, 09:11 AM
sage's Avatar
sage sage is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 611
Default great post

Yes Joyful Girl, thanks for the insight. I really like the way you have set out your point (yoga analogy) I have found in other areas of life that when something is painful, engaging with it more fully is a useful way to move through it but i hadn't thought about jealousy in the same way. You are absolutely right jealously, picked apart can be an opportunity for growth. I hate the pain but next time it pops up I will try and seize the opportunity to do some growing.

Sage
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:23 PM.