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Old 06-16-2010, 05:58 PM
November2009 November2009 is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1
Default Advice Please

I am in a new Poly Relationship of 6 months. This is the first Poly
for all of us. They are a couple of 10+ years (Male-39 and Female-35-
bisexual) involved in the swing lifestyle. I am Female -41-bisexual,
involved in the swing lifestyle. I met both of them about 5 years ago
in the swing lifestyle. I played with the male on a few occasions and
developed a friendship with him. The playing was not done behind his
partners back nor was the friendship that developed. The playing with
the male was sporadic over the years, from time to time at a party and
maybe once or twice one on one. The friendship was more intense and
had emotional aspects to it. I was very careful to not step over line
because I was not interested in involving myself in a situation where
he was cheating and I was the other woman. Let me add, this is not
what he was proposing anyway. The female was attractive to me and I
liked what little I knew about her. Last summer the dynamic changed
in my friendship with the male, when we both admitted that we were
attracted to each other in other ways than just sexually. At that
point it became even more important that I not cross the line over to
cheating. We did have some one on one intimate time that was intense
and emotional over a few months which ended up with us admitting to
each other that we were in love. I still had no intention of being
the other woman or being involved in some secret relationship and I
voiced this to him in no uncertain terms. He started to discuss with
me the possibility of a relationship between the 3 of us. I started
spending time with the both of them along with his children, their
child, and my son. This quickly moved to an everyday interaction.
For the last six months the three of us are in a relationship with me
as their girlfriend. This relationship is no different than any
other, it is more good than bad. It is harder to deal with two people
than one. I have worked hard to establish a separate friendship and
relationship with my girlfriend, especially since I already had that
with the man. I feel that we do have that. As much as I was
concerned about not want to be in a secret relationship, I still ended
up feeling like that. Although he says it is not true, I feel like in
her eyes it is ok to have a personal relationship between me and her
but she does not acknowledged that he loves me personally. He says
she knows he has deep feelings for me and is insecure about that which
comes out in her actions some times. I have moments where I feel like
my feelings don't matter because I feel like we are always trying to
appease her so that she feels secure. She gets very jealous at times
and it is very frustrating. If they are having a disagreement he
feels that he has to purposely distance himself from me. I don't
think that is right. Yesterday she read a text message I sent to him
on the weekend, and came to the conclusion that we were doing
something on the side. I had gotten the three of us tickets to a show
and he couldn't come with us because I forgot he had to attend
something for his kid. After I offered the ticket to her mother the
activity was canceled. I felt extremely bad, and told him that I felt
really bad and I would make it up to him. She tries to confront me
about last night, saying she can not trust anyone but herself, both he
and I were looking at her like she was nuts. She starts talking to me
like I am a child and I do not hold my tongue, she then tells me get
out of my house. So I left...at this point, I am ready to end this
relationship because it is just too much for me. Her insecurities are
ridiculous, and she is not the only one with fears and
insecurities....I have them also! This is just a mess. Beyond my
feelings for him, we are so involved with each others lives. We do
everything together. The children are attached to me like I am their
step parent. My son looks at him like a father. We go to church
together. I still have an apartment with me and my son about 10 mins
from where they live. I sleep there on the weekdays. After work , I
get my son, if he hasn't been picked up by one of them, and go to
their house and we cook and eat dinner together. I go home about
11:30. On Fridays, my son and I pack our bag and return on Sunday. I
am so confused and don't know what to do. I am also afraid that if I
end this relationship between the 3 of us, I am going to end up in
that "other woman" relationship I was so concerned about.
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