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  #21  
Old 07-18-2009, 06:37 AM
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Sunshinegrl Sunshinegrl is offline
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Originally Posted by aussielover View Post
Hey Nadine,
I can understand your concern. Sunshinegrl and Aussiebloke have young children and I will be coming into their family. It hasn't happened yet, so all we have to go on is theory, but they're planning on letting them know I'm more than a friend living with them, or 'aunt' ..... Hopefully one of them can speak more on it, but again, we haven't actually gotten that far yet. Not until I finally get home, or just before.
Good luck. Hopefully some others can share their experiences

This.. We plan to let the kids know that we Love Aussielover and Asked her to be part of Our family."Our" kids will become OUR kids..They pretty much have in my mind. When and If they ask any more questions then that we will answer them in the best possible way according to there age. Them thinking of her as an "Aunt" actually is the last possible thing we want! We havn't travelled this path yet. But from what I see here I think it will be very doable.

I "know" you Nadine.. And your children are still fairly young. I think that introducing someone into their lives a this age would be an easier progression then with teens!

Oh I found this just now....

http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.co...-the-children/
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Last edited by Sunshinegrl; 07-18-2009 at 06:40 AM. Reason: adding link.
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  #22  
Old 07-18-2009, 03:27 PM
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aussielover aussielover is offline
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Originally Posted by Sunshinegrl View Post
This.. We plan to let the kids know that we Love Aussielover and Asked her to be part of Our family."Our" kids will become OUR kids..They pretty much have in my mind. When and If they ask any more questions then that we will answer them in the best possible way according to there age. Them thinking of her as an "Aunt" actually is the last possible thing we want! We havn't travelled this path yet. But from what I see here I think it will be very doable.

I miss them lots. Little monkeys
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  #23  
Old 07-18-2009, 05:12 PM
Nadine Nadine is offline
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THAT is what I want, I just want more family. And for our kids to be "our" kids, just like you said.
I think you're right though, with how young my kids are it's a bit complex
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  #24  
Old 07-19-2009, 02:52 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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P was "aunt" because she was "Aunt P" long before the relationship blossomed. He was comfortable calling her that and she was happy with that title. But she, like most of the close adults in our lives who are not poly with us, was seen as a figure of love, respect, and authority. In other words, she had just as much ability to reward his positive behaviors as to punish his negative ones, so long as we all came to an agreement on the actions/consequences-no different than when it is just myself and N. Labels are just words which make people feel comfortable. What's important is the nature of the relationship itself.
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  #25  
Old 07-26-2009, 02:55 PM
BlkDaddy4White BlkDaddy4White is offline
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I personally dont think its something the kids should know...especially if they are YOUNG...teenagers you cant hide that sort of thing from...but i think all you do with yuonger kids is confuse them and open them up to the type of problems that we ALL dont think they should be open too.
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  #26  
Old 07-26-2009, 03:34 PM
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Originally Posted by BlkDaddy4White View Post
I personally dont think its something the kids should know...especially if they are YOUNG...
BLKDaddy...,

You're suggesting that young children will somehow be harmed or damaged by knowing that their Daddy or Mommy has more than one love relationship?

If so, why and how does this hypothetical harm take place?
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  #27  
Old 07-26-2009, 03:40 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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River, I think you might be putting words in his mouth. It sounds like he's simply saying that kids should not know the details of their parents' sex-lives. We have some other folks on the forum who are IN this kind of living arrangement and they agree that the kids do not need to know what goes on in the bedroom.

This would hold true even for parents who are not poly, or for single parents who are dating.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 07-26-2009 at 03:44 PM.
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  #28  
Old 07-26-2009, 03:42 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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Originally Posted by BlkDaddy4White View Post
I personally dont think its something the kids should know...especially if they are YOUNG...teenagers you cant hide that sort of thing from...but i think all you do with yuonger kids is confuse them and open them up to the type of problems that we ALL dont think they should be open too.
I have to disagree. My parents were in relationships outside their marriage when myself and my siblings were young (though those relationships were complicated and I wouldn't consider them the true meaning of poly). They thought they did well to hide it. We all knew. Even my brother by the age of three sensed something different about that friendship. We caught them out on it all the time and it wasn't as if they weren't being careful. Kids are smarter than most adults give them credit for. Being lied to hurt and confused us more than anything they did with the lights out. We also had to deal with the whispers of other adult family members over it and the confusion of why our parents would do something they must know was wrong since they wouldn't tell us the truth. We all came to hate and resent the other couple our parents were involved with and it led to some pretty nasty family fights.

They are still deeply involved with the other couple, though I don't know entirely the nature of that relationship anymore. As an adult I can mentally and emotionally handle it (most of the time) and it helped that my mother FINALLY (only a year ago) admitted some of what had happened more than 20 years ago. But the lies and secrecy and resent have pretty much destroyed the respect and trust within the entire family, including between my parents who are still unhappily married. The damage done and the feeling that their outside relationships must be "wrong" and "abnormal" (based on what others said and the refusal of my parents to discuss it with me) is in part what caused me to repress my bisexuality, cheat on my former partners rather than even entertain the idea I might be poly, and stay in abusive relationships with men because "at least a male/female relationship was normal". I thank the gods I have the husband I do who saw and accepted me for what I was even before I could look in the proverbial mirror.

The bottom line is that the kids don't have to know the dynamics of the sexual relationship but NEVER lie to them or try to hide from them the nature of the relationship. It's about balancing the details with their level of understanding and maturity, not hiding it until they're old enough to figure it out on their own and be confused and resentful for feeling deceived.
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  #29  
Old 07-26-2009, 03:51 PM
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Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
River, I think you might be putting words in his mouth.
Nah, I really was asking a questoin for clarification purposes. Note the question mark.

As I read what BlkDaddy said, he could as easily mean that the little ones shouldn't be exposed to polyamory itself.

As for talk of parental sexual relations with young children, or children generally, I can't see how that will be good for them, necessary, or helpful. But to conceal one's polyamory from kids seems equally unnecessary and unhelpful.

Openly acknowledging multiple love parterings with kids is something quite different from discussing bedroom activities! It's the latter which seems to me unnessary and inappropriate.
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Last edited by River; 07-26-2009 at 03:59 PM.
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  #30  
Old 07-26-2009, 03:58 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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I guess it would depend on how "out" the parent(s) want to be, since little kids can sometimes be blabbermouths without realizing what the consequences are. If a little kid blabbed something out at school, for example, it could get reported to CPS and be blown way out of proportion, causing much more grief than it would if the adults simply told the kid that #3 (or whomever) is "our good friend, your 'auntie'".

fucken' a... my computer chair just collapsed under my butt.
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