Long distance love

[rolypoly]

What do you mean Mono?

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by rolypoly

What do you mean Mono?

I think long distance relationships where both partners are poly are far more viable and rewarding than monogamous ones. A monogamous person could still form a new romantic connection, but they would replace the existing long distance one. I'm not talking "monogamous acting" people or people who choose to live monogamously, just to clarify...I'm talking wired.

Now in the case of a LDR between a mono person and a poly person..I doubt they would last long or be very healthy for either partner. I wouldn't be. The mono would probably be constantly thinking about what new love interests thier poly partner is developing, and the poly partner would be worried that thier mono partner would replace them completely with someone local.

That's how I see it anyways.

[Dragonmom]

i'm in a ldr with both my partners, one in NY and the other is in Austraila.

Redwood in NY i see every few months at this point. We talk alot on msn now because i just moved and don't have a phone but have internet. Frosty is in aussieland and all i can say is i LOVE skype. We spend hours talking on there. All 3 of us play online games together and thats something fun we can do. internet has been very helpful. Redwood i see next month for a week and Frosty is coming to Canada in november...we hope.

[SchrodingersCat]

I'm with YGirl. Since it's poly, there's no reason to drop the relationship. You're not limited to that one relationship, so you can make the most out of it and still live the rest of your life the way you would otherwise.

My marriage feels like an LDR a lot of the time, with my husband working out of town 10-on/4-off. Right now, he's working 10-14 hours away, and he makes the drive every other weekend. I'm not saying it's easy for him to spend that much driving, and it's hard for me to be on my own so much. He says he likes it because then he can just focus on working, get in some kind of "zone".

I guess it's quite a bit difference since he's coming home and not just visiting. I like to believe I keep a home worth coming home to

[rolypoly]

Ah I get what you mean. Yes, that makes a lot of sense. I was thinking that a mono/poly LDR would be the same as a monogamous one, but I hadn't considered what the monogamous person would feel knowing their poly partner could be out meeting someone in person.

[rolypoly]

My marriage feels like an LDR a lot of the time

SC, what do you both do with/for each other to nurture your relationship since it's so distant? Do you have regular nights that you talk? Do you set time aside for each other? What do you do when you miss each other?

Thanks so much for the feedback everyone.

[rolypoly]

Dragonmom, wow Australia, that's really far away! Great that you might get to see each other. Skype is wonderful, definitely.

[Dragonmom]

Originally Posted by rolypoly

Dragonmom, wow Australia, that's really far away! Great that you might get to see each other. Skype is wonderful, definitely.

yeah it is. i wasn't sure if i could/should have a relationship with Frosty as he is alot younger than i am, but we get along so well i would hate to not try just because of age.

[Derbylicious]

My husband and I have had a ldr most of our relationship. We lived in different cities for the first year that we were dating and then over the past 7 years we have been apart more than we have been together. It has been a learning experience. If he is somewhere where he can chat we set aside webcam time that is just for us with neither of us multi-tasking chatting to anyone else. There are times that due to his job and where he is that all we have is email. We make the best we can out of it.

I find the hardest part of a ldr is the period of time right before you know that you're going to be apart again for a long period of time. I tend to be really unpleasant during that last bit of time together and I think it is a subconscious thing that I do so that it's easier for him to leave me.

I never find anything awkward about being together again though. We just pick up right where we left off. Would I prefer things were different? Absolutely! But then the grass is always greener, right? With him away I have had to develop my own sense of self and find my own interests and friends. I've also grown to appreciate my own company. I like to be able to do what I want to around the house when I want to do it. I wouldn't have that freedom with a partner around all the time.

-Derby

[geminigirl]

I am in two very satisfying and supportive long-term LDRs, and have been in many LDRs over the years, so I have a bit of experience.

I find that poly supports long distance love relationships better than monogamy because there is generally an understanding that there is still room for local lovers/partners.

Several things I've found that create awesome LDR's are:

1. a dedication to regular verbal communication (this can be about anything, so long as you both find it a satisfying way to connect)

2. a relatively easygoing trust in your partner (communicate this *often*)

3. a vicarious joy in your partner having other people close to them to give snuggles, affection and sex when you're not able to

4. a love of travel and the budget to facilitate this on a regular basis

I'd also stress that thinking about your long distance partner as part of your life even while they're not physically present is important. I love to hear that my LDRs have been talking about me, thinking about me, keeping me present in a variety of ways during their everyday life, and I make sure they know I do the same for them.

There are also strategies for visiting LDRs that I've worked out over the years (I've actually given a workshop on this, lol). Some of these include planning a variety of alone vs social time during a visit (not leaving things to chance) and planning things to do after the visit is over to cope with "withdrawal".

LDR *does* get easier over time, if you can find the right balance of face-time/away-time. Eventually, it becomes another stable relationship and for me they actually add excitement to my life because I have loves that I only see at "special", planned times. Just remember everyone has a place and every place is unique.