Thanks for you response. I cried when I read it because it so accurately describes how I feel and helps me to make sense of why it is taking me so long to feel safe again.
I would love to know what the middle ground is. What are the steps, and do you think it is possible to go back and start more slowly?
I feel so confused now and I am starting to make irrational demands that seem like just an effort to get some control of the situation.
A lot of the time, I wish the whole thing never happened and that I never have to deal with poly stuff again. Then, when the smoke clears, I like thinking about how wonderful it is to be free of restrictions and expanding love. But right now, it is a mess of emotional turmoil and hurt feelings.